Jason International

Christliche Selbsthilfegruppen und Seelsorge für Lesben und Schwule, Ex-Gays und ihre Lieben

Ex-Gay Ministries

Was sind "Ex-Gays"?

Ex-Gays sind Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen, die ihr schwules Leben hinter sich gelassen haben bzw. gar nicht ein solches beginnen möchten, sondern für sich selbst einen anderen Weg gefunden haben. Manche gründen Familien, andere bleiben Single. Ex-Gay zu sein bedeutet also keineswegs, keinerlei gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen mehr zu empfinden. Die sexuelle Energie wird hier jedoch in andere Bahnen gelenkt und als kreative Kraft gesehen, die dabei hilft, die eigenen Gaben und Talente zum Blühen zu bringen.

Wer miterleben musste, welche körperlichen, psychischen und möglicherweise auch spirituellen Konsequenzen ein jahrelanges Leben in der Schwulenszene für die Betroffenen hatte, kann nur den Kopf schütteln über die Weigerung von Ärzten, Therapeutinnen und der Gesellschaft insgesamt, dies anzuerkennen und Folgen daraus zu ziehen. Wer selbst erfahren hat, dass Sex nicht heilt und keine unerfüllten Bedürfnisse stillt, wer es satt hat, dass ihm/ihr immer nur gesagt wird "Dann tu's doch einfach, wenn dir danach ist!", weiß auch, was es bedeutet, wenn sich völlige Gleichgültigkeit und Inkompetenz hinter scheinheilig-besorgten Phrasen verbirgt. Menschen, die immer nur politisch korrekte Antworten auf ihre offenen Fragen bekommen haben, die doch nur das Gewissen der Gesellschaft beruhigen sollen, sind froh um jede helfende Hand, die sich ihnen bietet. Sie sind dankbar um jede/n, der/dem es nicht egal ist, ob diese Phrasen sein Anliegen wirklich verbessern, sondern der sich offen und selbstlos seiner/ihrer annimmt und ihm/ihr mit bedingungsloser Liebe begegnet.

Want to get involved in a Christian ex-gay ministry and counsel people with same-sex attractions who seek a life beyond the gay scene? Here are some points to ponder:

If you want to counsel someone, you definitely need solid psychological training and knowledge as well as guided experience - even when you are not offering psychotherapy. Just to mean well certainly is not enough and might cause a lot of damage. Make sure your knowledge is always up-to-date!
If you offer Christian counseling or pastoral care, get a solid education! There are guidelines that must be followed in order to help your clients!
In order to answer and deal with theological questions, you need to have the background needed to do so. A pastor's degree from the church of the moonlight does not count as theological background!
If you are a man married to a divorced wife because your way of interpreting the Christian faith allows that, do not criticize gay Christians for doing the same.
Do not write self-help books, do not counsel and do not give public speeches if you have none of the above!
Being an ex-gay does not mean you have no same-sex attractions anymore. It means you left a life in the gay scene (or did not even go there to begin with) and chose another way.
Your job is NOT to turn gays into straight people. As a Christian, it does not matter if you have same-sex attractions or not. What matters is if you follow Jesus Christ!
Don't make a living preaching to the choir or by living in the past. Going from Church to Church talking about your experiences is a nice thing to do, but the people that need you most are probably not in there. They are where most Christians usually don't dare to go. Yet Jesus commanded us to go (out!) and make disciples, not to give nice talks to fellow Christians while charging them for it!
You need to be in constant contact with gays as well. They are not your enemies. Love them like Jesus would!
Offer unconditional love - not a "I love you, but..."!
Be there also for those who are not Christians or who want to stay in a gay life. Show them God will never leave them!
Don't keep on giving testimony over and over again. It is not about you and you should not stir things up all the time, but look ahead now!
Be honest! There is nothing wrong with having same-sex attractions! It is up to us what we do with them. Don't tell people you don't have them anylonger ("ex-homosexual") when this is not the truth!
Remember it is always up to the client to set a goal, not to you. Even - and especially - if you have a license as a psychotherapist you should only work within the standards, rules and guidelines of your profession!

A Word to "Ex-Gay Leaders"

Some might not like to hear what I am saying, but it needs to be said. No wonder the ex-gay (or "purity" or whatever you call it)-movement has so little impact on society! Look at its "leaders": They brag with scientific credentials in psychiatry and/or psychology while most have no credentials at all or at best low-level ones. Extremely few really are psychiatrists. Others point out their theological "achievements". It is not an achievement when you were appointed pastor by some small church - which would not be recognized by 99% of Christianity! Others try to make their own name big, forgetting who really set them free. Then you have those who studied theology or whatever else and now claim to be expert on any given field. Most of their "knowledge" comes from stuff they have read somewhere. Finally you have those who travel across the globe and write books about how to find freedom from same-sex attractions, how to look at them from a Christian and scientific point of view, how to deal with them from a political perspective - you get the picture. The "I-know-everything"-types. However, if you look at their private lives things do not look so shiny - they might be divorced or married a divorced partner, which makes their cohabitation a form of adultry no better than any homosexual act.

So what am I getting at? That we are all liars and hypocrites?

I can't look into someone's heart, so it is not up to me to say that. But! we should stick at what we truly know about and not try to beat the world in areas where it is better than we will ever be. God does not need credentials. Your own life story is worth a whole lot more if you present it - and yourself - authentically! Don't try to brush it up, to make it look better. Don't push your own agenda, but God's.

As Doug from Homosexuals Anonymous used to say: "The only thing that keeps us from finding true freedom is the belief that it can be done!"

He sometimes told me how they started off in 1976, having no fancy psychology books, but the Bible. Yet to this day I have not met a man with a stronger faith than Dr. Douglas McIntyre, who passed away in 2015.

He did not put human science down, but he gave credit where credit was due.

Finally, at the end of the day, we need a love bigger than whatever our hearts and bodies held on to so far. A love that can give eternal life.

May 19th, 2017

Robert Gollwitzer
Director Homosexuals Anonymous

Strategy for Christian Ex-Gay Ministries

I can already see the frowns. “Strategy”? What for? Well, do you think the gays got to the point where they are now without any strategy? So here some points to ponder:

1) Don’t just copy what worked for gay activists. The end does not justify the means. Quite on the contrary: the means should always point to the end.
2) Stop being nice. This is over. “Tolerance” does not mean you cannot criticize somebody else’s opinion. We are followers of Jesus, so let’s take Him as a role model. He was far away from being nice when it came to exposing evil.
3) Stop preaching to the choir. I am sick and tired of those “ex-gay trains” where usually pretty much the same speakers address an audience that already knows and shares their views. If you want money for your ministry, say so. Nothing wrong with that. But stop wasting our time and energy. Instead:
4) Fulfill the Great Commandment! Go out and make disciples! Shout our message from the roofs! Expose false teachers wherever you meet them! Don’t be afraid of losing everything – look forward to what you might be gaining!
5) Structures, rules, guidelines and programs of an ex-gay ministry are means to an end – they are NOT the end itself! Our goal is neither fulfilling organizational standards nor “turning gays to straights” – our goal is holiness!
6) Unite! If we are divided, we will not stand. It is not about our individual organizations, it is about saving souls for Christ!
7) If you are out there, be sure you are always prepared and ready. Seek regular accountability and (in case you counsel people) also supervision. Make sure you meet your own physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs! Set up a spiritual structure for your life and follow it no matter what! Know your adversary’s arguments and know how to counter them! Be humble enough to seek other people’s advice and guidance! Inform yourself so you know what you are talking about!
8) Don’t expect the world – or the Church – to be always nice to you. They nailed the Son of God onto the Cross – why would they treat you any differently?
9) There was a time when it was alright for some of us to withdraw into our own save havens – be it support groups, Christian media, churches and the like. This time is over – and the sooner you understand that, the better. We have a mighty enemy, so get into the ring and learn how to fight!
10) Be out there. Be present on all levels and in all areas – media, work, Church, family, politics, legal system, science, whatever. Seek allies. Stay humble. Remember that Christian love is not a fuzzy feeling, but a tough love that tells people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. This is not about Christian wellness, this is a spiritual war. Get your armor on, gather and fight!


When we say we are helping people with "unwanted same-sex attractions", does that mean we are helping them by trying to change those homosexual attractions into heterosexual ones?

No way! First, we all learn to love ourselves. We are not bad people because we have those attractions. Neither is it sinful to have them as it takes personal guilt and responsability for that, both of which are not present in this case. We did not choose to feel that way.
We assist people that come to us to reach their personal goal by walking some part of the way with them as likeminded companions..

Some of them want to leave the gay scene and live a life beyond it. Others want to live a life accourding to their religious beliefs or marry someone of the opposite sex in spite of their same-sex attractions. Then there are those in heterosexual partnerships who seek marital counseling in order to open up to their spouses about their homosexual inclination or heal the wound that hiding them have caused after the unvoluntary coming out.

We also have members who see their same-sex attractions as a special gift. They use their sexual energy and their individual talents in a way that profits society.

Whatever the issue might be - we are not here to condemn, but to help. Some of us are also present in gay dating sites or similar places. We do not just preach to the choir or wait for people to come to us, but reach those we want to reach by going out to meet them where they are. Isn't that what Jesus taught us to do in the Great Commission? Nobody has to be or want to become a Christian though to join us. People should be aware that our program is Christ-centered and at least be willing to work with those parts of it they feel comfortable with.

Meanwhile we even assist those who desire to continue to act out and have sexual relationships with members of their own sex. By doing so, we show them that our love is unconditional. That leaves the door open should they ever want want us to be there for and with them.

So instead of talking about us and accusing us of whatever people think we are all about, talk to us directly! Isn't that what "tolerance" is - accepting that different people take different choices and decisions for their lives whithout judging them for it?

Robert Gollwitzer

Some tips for founding an ex-gay ministry:

•    Pray
•    Pray more
•    If the Lord calls you to do that: Congratulations! This is a very rewarding ministry, but also highly responsible and at times stressful.
•    Start preparing yourself. There are lots of good resources out there (like the books by Joe Dallas).
•    Seek an accountability partner for yourself.
•    Ask people from other ex-gay ministries for guidance and support.
•    Make sure you have a daily spiritual life of prayer and Bible study.
•    Join a local church.
•    Get supervision and pastoral care for yourself.
•    Make sure to surround yourself with healthy friends and family members who support you.
•    Make sure to know your own emotional needs and have them met a healthy way.
•    Know yourself. Know your strong and weak points and prepare yourself.
•    Get training in Christian counseling or psychotherapy.
•    Know the Bible.
•    Know your adversary’s arguments and how to contradict them.
•    Be sure you can take a strong wind blowing right into your face from now on: Gay activists won’t like what you are doing!
•    Have perseverance. There will be times when you will be sitting alone waiting for the support group members or whoever to show up – and they won’t. Don’t give up – people need to be able to rely on the fact that there is a safe haven for them! Also know that you will get to hear some painful stories. Can you take that?
•    Make sure to have some fun time in your life, some time to relax.
•    Make sure to lead a physically, mentally and spiritually healthy life.
•    Set up a plan for your ministry: What is it all about? Which resources do you have? How about finances? Is there a program you can work with? Do you want to offer your services for free or charge money?
•    Go online. Set up a homepage, a facebook page and a twitter account. You might even want to offer Skype-meetings.
•    Go international.
•    Get more people into the boat. It should never become a one-man (or one-woman)-ministry.
•    Make contacts with other ministries. We are not out to fight one another, but to co-operate!
•    Is your ministry Christian or secular? Even if it is Christian, you should never make it a condition for people to join to be or become Christians themselves. You are out to help people with unwanted same-sex attractions, not to make Christian converts.
•    The only condition for people who want to take part in your ministry or seek its help should be the will to be free – and nothing else!
•    Times are getting rough. Are you ready to stand up for your ministry – and your faith – whatever might come up? Are you ready for legal – and other – attacks?
•    Do you have a heart for people with unwanted same-sex attractions? If you don’t love them like Christ would, don’t even think of starting a ministry!
•    Last but not least: It is so much worth it!!


How to deal with the press and the media

I don’t want to start painting things in black and white here. There is no such thing. However, some things should be considered wisely before using those means to a certain end:

•    The press and the media can be a powerful platform for spreading the message of freedom from same-sex attractions.
•    If you do not know how to handle them, they can also have the opposite effect: They (try to) ridicule you and what you believe in.
•    If you get an invitation for an interview on TV, radio or for a newspaper, think about the motivation of the interviewer. Do they only need an ex-gay to mock him/her and his/her message, do not accept such an invitation!
•    If there is the chance that you get a fair treatment, prepare yourself: Know the facts, know the arguments of your opponents and how to contradict them. Be authentic: Share also your own experiences and feelings in all of that. Before the interview: Pray. Pray that it is not you and/or your “wisdom” that shines, but that the Lord will shine in and through you. After such an interview people should not say, “What a great guy!” but rather, “What a great Savior!”
•    Start with Christian or other faith-based TV- or radio-stations or newspapers that are more likely to accept your stand.
•    For a start, it is easier to go with a pre-produced show that with a live one.
•    Too much publicity can wear you out. Make sure to take a good selection. Also make sure to get enough rest and fun time in your life, to lead a physically, emotionally & spiritually healthy life!
•    Seek personal accountability and pastoral care for yourself.
•    Make sure to have some good friends and family members that love and support you.
•    A ministry should never be a one-man show, neither should the press appearances be. Alternate among yourself when it comes to who will go to the interview.
•    When you write a press release, pray and think well what you are writing.
•    Not all reporters will like you. Make sure you can take public blows.
•    Some reporters will do their best to distort your message, to dig in your personal history for some dirt, to falsify your message, to lie, accuse and judge. Satan is the master of lies and will try everything to get you and those who seek your help. Be prepared for that. Pray for such people, react calmly by giving facts and letting Got talk through you.
•    Seek advice from others who’ve been there before.
•    You and your ministry can also use the media to spread your message. Learn all the technical stuff, ask professionals – and then go for it!
•    Know that this will cost time and money. Get other people into the boat as well.
•    Take heart! If God is with us – who can be against us?



Ex-Gay Ministries sind doch einfach nur Sekten!

Man fragt sich, auf welcher Basis solche Vorwürfe gemacht werden. Wenn einem irgendeine Meinung nicht in den Kram passt und gleichzeitig noch irgendwie christlich klingt, wird sie einfach als "Sekten-Ideologie" abgestempelt.

So spart man sich eine weitere Auseinandersetzung mit dem Thema und drängt die Betroffenen in eine radikale, wenn nicht gar kriminelle Ecke.

Mal ganz abgesehen davon, dass man hier eventuell ungerechtfertigt Menschen beleidigt und ihnen Sachen unterstellt, die man selbst in keinster Weise überprüft hat, rüttelt man hiermit doch sehr am so oft strapazierten Anspruch der Meinungs- und Religionsfreiheit. Freiheit gilt offensichtlich nur dann und nur für die, die in das eigene Weltbild passen.

Wir sind Christinnen und Christen aus allen möglichen Konfessionen und möchten zusammen mit unseren Brüdern und Schwestern im Glauben wachsen und in die Nachfolge Jesu treten. Das macht uns nicht besser, bestimmt aber auch nicht schlechter als andere Menschen. Es macht uns einfach nur zu Christen.


Sämtliche Fachleute haben einstimmig festgestellt, dass eine Therapie von Homosexualität Unsinn ist. Solche Therapeuten gehören ins Gefängnis! Ex-Gay Ministries benützen außerdem veraltete wissenschaftliche Daten. Ihre Behauptungen sind medizinisch längst widerlegt. Sie wollen die natürliche Neigung von Homo- und Bisexuellen und Transgendern schlecht machen und den Leuten einreden, sie könnten ihre angeborene sexuelle Orientierung ändern. Die Methoden solcher Therapeuten und Organisationen sind aber nicht nur nutzlos, sondern schädlich. "Ex-Gays" gibt es nicht. Genauso wenig wie man seine Hautfarbe ändern kann, kann man seine sexuelle Orientierung ändern! Und den Leuten erzählen zu wollen, sie könnten durch Gebete heterosexuell werden, ist doch Schwachsinn!

Auf den ersten Blick starke Argumente, die unsere Gegner hier vorbringen. Sind wir wirklich gemeingefährliche, radikale Christen, die wider jede Vernunft und Wissenschaft Leuten einreden wollen, ihre angeborene Neigung wäre schlecht? Die sie dann aus Homosexuellen Heterosexuelle machen wollen? Verleugnen wir nur unsere "wahre" Identität?

Zumindest von außen betrachtet sieht das ja so aus. Auf den zweiten Blick jedoch merkt man sehr schnell, dass hier verschiedene Bereiche, verschiedene Ebenen verwechselt werden.

Wir wollen an dieser Stelle bewusst auf eine wissenschaftliche Diskussion verzichten. Wir behaupten keineswegs, dass Homosexualität eine Krankheit im wissenschaftlichen Sinne ist (siehe hierzu unser Selbstverständnis). Ebenso wenig betreiben wir eine "Therapie" im wissenschaftlichen Sinne (also etwa eine Psychotherapie). Wir möchten hier nur kurz darauf verweisen, dass es weltweit eine ganze Reihe von Fachleuten gibt, die nicht diese Meinung vertreten (siehe www.narth.com oder www.dijg.de). Abgesehen davon ist menschliche Sexualität zum einen auf ein Bündel von Faktoren zurückzuführen, von denen die Gene nur einen Teil ausmachen. Selbst wenn aber unsere sexuelle Orientierung "angeboren" wäre, würde dies auch noch kein Indiz für eine moralische Wertung im Sinne von "gut" oder "schlecht" darstellen. Was, wenn sich morgen heraus stellt, dass Pädophilie angeboren ist? Wir wollen auch an dieser Stelle keine Studien oder ähnliches zitieren.

Wir wollen hier auch niemanden "umpolen" oder einreden, seine Neigung wäre schlecht.

Wir sind Christinnen und Christen. Als solche sind wir zuallererst keine Sklaven von einem "Gencode". Unsere Vorstellung von "Heilung" bezieht sich im christlichen Sinne auf ein Wachsen im Glauben, nicht im wissenschaftlichen Sinne auf eine Heilung von einer Krankheit. Dementsprechend wollen wir auch niemanden "umpolen".

Was wir allerdings machen, ist, uns gegenseitig bei unserem Weg und Entschluss zu unterstützen. Wir können für uns ein Ausleben unserer Neigungen aus Glaubensgründen nicht akzeptieren. Als Christinnen und Christen glauben wir an das, was uns Gott als Standard für menschliche Sexualität vorgegeben hat. Wir denken, dass sie nur akzeptabel ist im geschützten Rahmen einer heterosexuellen, monogamen Ehe. Wir zwingen diese Meinung niemandem auf und denken nicht, dass wir damit "besser" sind als andere. Allerdings bitten wir in der Diskussion doch um denselben Respekt und dieselbe Meinungsfreiheit, die man für sich selbst einfordert.

Was heißt das nun für uns, "Ex-Gay" zu sein? Behaupten wir damit, wir wären "geheilt" von gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen? Oder definieren wir uns da nicht zu sehr über unsere Vergangenheit?

Beide Male nein. Es kann durchaus sein, dass wir unser ganzes Leben lang gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen haben werden. Wir lieben aber Jesus mehr als alles andere und als Christinnen und Christen wissen wir auch, dass Jesu Nachfolge auch eine Teilnahme an Seinem Leiden bedeutet. Dass es keineswegs leicht ist, Seinen Weg zu beschreiten. Wir sind jedoch der festen Überzeugung, dass wir durch gegenseitige Unterstützung, durch die Hilfe unserer Brüder und Schwester - und natürlich auch durch Gottes Gnade - sowie durch unser eigenes Aktivwerden (etwa die Teilnahme an örtlichen Gruppen) im Glauben wachsen können. Dass wir lernen, unsere wahre Identität als Gottes Kinder zu finden, in dessen Abbild wir erschaffen wurden.

Und ja, wir sind der Meinung, dass Gebet viel erreichen kann. Aber nochmal: wir reden über Glaubensfragen - oben genannte Vorwürfe beziehen sich auf wissenschaftliche Themen.

Wir sind "Ex-Gay" in dem Sinne, als unsere Neigungen nicht mehr unser Leben bestimmen, sondern unser Glaube. Wir definieren uns damit auch nicht über unsere Vergangenheit, sondern bringen alleine mit dem Wort schon zum Ausdruck, dass wir diese hinter uns gelassen haben.

Da wir das Ausleben von Homosexualität als Sünde betrachten, denken wir sehr wohl, dass wir durch Jesu Tod am Kreuz Freiheit von der Macht der Sünde erhalten haben. Unser Glaube gibt uns Kraft und hilft uns, gehorsam zu sein und Gott auch in Taten zu preisen.

Und dazu stehen wir. Dessen müssen wir uns nicht schämen.
Wie sieht es mit dem Begriff "Ex-Gay" hinsichtlich der Vergangenheit aus? Manche führen hier an, wir würden uns damit zu sehr durch unsere Vergangenheit definieren. Man ist ja auch nicht ein "Ex-Drogensüchtiger", sondern ein Mensch in der Nachfolge Jesu Christi.
So sehr wir diese Auffassung verstehen und im Kern selbstverständlich befürworten, denken wir doch, dass hier die Sache anders zu sehen ist. Zum einen ist "Ex-Gay" inzwischen ein fester Begriff in der Öffentlichkeit - und dies aus gutem Grunde. Er steht sowohl für die Betroffenen wie für die Gesellschaft für die Möglichkeit, sein Leben nicht mehr von seinen gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen bestimmen zu lassen, sondern die Freiheit in Jesus Christus zu finden. Dass dieser Weg möglich ist, dafür steht "Ex-Gay". Es ist eine machtvolle Botschaft für all die, die - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - ein Ausleben ihrer gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen nicht befürworten können. Mit Hinsicht auf Paulus Worte steht er dafür, dass auch einige unter uns einst so waren und so empfunden hatten - aber nun ihrem Leben eine neue Richtung gegeben haben.
Er steht für Freiheit und Befreiung - ähnlich dem Begriff "Exodus". Aus der Knechtschaft in das von Gott versprochene Land.


Sollte ich den Begriff "Ex-Gay" nicht vermeiden, weil er beinhaltet, dass ich völlig frei von homosexuellen Gefühlen sein muss?

Nein. "Ex-Gay" heißt keineswegs, dass man keinerlei gleichgeschlechtliche Empfindungen mehr haben muss. Die Wichtigkeit dieses Begriffes liegt in der Botschaft der Freiheit - es gibt einen anderen Weg als den, seine gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen auszuleben! Es gibt eine Freiheit vom schwulen Leben, von einer Versklavung durch Gencodes oder welche Faktoren man auch immer zur Entwicklung dieser Empfindungen anführen will.

Wir haben uns diese Gefühle nicht ausgesucht, aber wir können sehr wohl entscheiden, wie wir damit umgehen, wie wir uns selbst sehen und wie wir unser Leben leben. Wir sind frei in Jesus Christus!

Gleich dem Exodus des Volkes Israel, wo Gott Sein Volk aus der Knechtschaft der Ägypter in das gelobte Land geführt hat, wissen wir um den Exodus von Jesus Christus, durch den die Macht der Sünde gebrochen wurde.

Out of the darkness - into the light!


Warum "Ex-Gay" Ministry? Warum nicht "Pro-Chastity" Ministry? Manche haben sich doch vorher nicht als "gay" bezeichnet, warum sollen sie es jetzt tun?

Wir verstehen sehr wohl den Hintergrund dieses Arguments. "Gay" heißt ja vor allem, sich voll und ganz mit der schwulen Bewegung zu identifizieren und dieses Lebenseine Neigungen mit wehenden Fahnen auszuleben. Natürlich hat es dieses Wort auch einen politischen Aspekt im Sinne der Schwulenbewegung.

Wir wollen es mal so ausdrücken:

Es ist wie mit den Zehn Geboten. Jedes "Du sollst nicht..." Gebot trägt in sich auch eine positive Seite.

Ein Beispiel: "Du sollst nicht töten" heißt ja gleichzeitig auch "Du sollst Leben bewahren" - ohne dass man es ausdrücklich dazu schreibt.

Wir bleiben bewusst bei der Bezeichnung "Ex-Gay Ministry", weil es mittlerweile zu einem festen und allseits bekannten Begriff ist, bei dem jeder gleich weiß, um was es geht. Gleichzeitig steht dieser Begriff für Freiheit von Homosexualität. Und Freiheit ist ja immer auf etwas hin gerichtet - es bedeutet nicht nur, von etwas wegzulaufen (Vermeidungsverhalten), sondern auch auf etwas zuzulaufen (Identitätsfindung, Arbeiten an der Beziehung zu Gott, Befriedigung der Bedürfnisse, die hinter den gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen stehen, Änderung des Lebenswandels usw.).

Wir selbst sehen uns auch nicht als "gay". Wir sehen uns nicht einmal als "homosexuell", sondern als heterosexuelle Menschen, die - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen haben. Gleichwohl möchten wir mit diesem Begriff zum Ausdruck bringen, dass wir - ähnlich dem Exodus des Volkes Israel aus Ägypten - etwas hinter uns gelassen haben und zu einem befreiten Leben gelangt sind.

Psychische Störungen?

Die Gesundheit homosexueller Menschen ist nicht anders wie die von heterosexuellen! Psychische Störungen kommen vielleicht von der falschen Art und Weise, mit Homosexuellen umzugehen oder von diesen Therapie- und Umpolungsversuchen von Fundamentalisten!

Ohne hier zu sehr auf den wissenschaftlichen Hintergrund einzugehen (viele nützliche Artikel hierzu finden sich etwa auf www.dijg.de oder www.narth.com), können wir nur aufgrund unserer eigenen Erfahrung sowohl in unseren eigenen Lebensläufen als auch in den vielen Gesprächen und Kontakten mit anderen Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen sagen, dass dem nicht so ist. Wir widersprechen zwar ausdrüecklich der Behauptung, Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen ständig nur als “Kranke” zu sehen. Unsere Neigungen sehen wir keineswegs nur als etwas Negatives, sondern als Segen. Wir sind anders und das ist gut so. Gott hat uns andere Gaben mit- und aufgegeben und diese Gaben wollen wir reiche Frucht tragen lassen. Wir müssen nicht Kopien anderer Menschen werden, um Gott zu gefallen. Trotzdem sind wir nicht dasselbe wie Menschen, die rein heterosexuell empfinden. Hier geht es nicht nur um Begriffe wie “Gesundheit” oder “Krankheit”. Sagen wir es einmal so: Viele von uns sind in der Lage, Gefühle weitaus tiefer zu empfinden wie ihre rein heterosexuell empfindenen Geschlechtsgenossen. Es ist, als wenn unser “Schalter” für Empfindungen weiter aufgedreht ist und uns Gefühle tiefer und intensiver empfinden laesst, als es vielleicht viele andere können. Das kann ein Geschenk wie auch ein Fluch sein – nicht umsonst gelten gerade Männer mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen oft als “verweichlicht”. Die Gefahr dabei ist, dass so manches ausser Kontrolle oder unerträglich werden kann, was durchaus zu psychischen Problemen wie Depressionen, Angsterkrankungen oder Suizid-Versuchen führen mag. Hierfür kann man nicht einfach der Gesellschaft die Schuld geben. Genausowenig kann man dies leugnen und behaupten, wir seien aus demselben Material gestrickt wie alle anderen. Auch das ist eine Form der Diskriminierung! Dies leugnet unser wahres Selbst und ist einfach nicht wahr! Derartige Behauptungen werden denn auch zumeist von Menschen gemacht, die selbst nicht gleichgeschlechtlich empfinden und keine Ahnung haben, wie es ist, so zu leben und zu empfinden!

Selbstverstaendlich gibt es auch eine falsche Art und Weise, mit Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen umzugehen. Zumeist wird aber unter “falsch” das verstanden, was der politische korrekten Auffassung widerspricht, es solle doch jeder und jede seine/ihre Neigungen nach Lust und Laune ausleben und dies bedingungs- und kritiklos akzeptiert werden. Damit hilft man niemanden – ganz im Gegenteil. Aus unserer eigenen Erfahrung heraus (eine Erfahrung, die Menschen, die solche Thesen verbreiten, zumeist nicht haben!) können wir nur davor warnen, hier zu naiv zu sein. Wir wollen hier keine Horrorszenarien beschreiben, was Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen so treiben, aber glauben sie uns, dass die durchschnittliche gleichgeschlechtliche Beziehung weitaus weniger monogam (nur auf einen Partner bezogen) und sexuell weitaus ausschweifender ist als die durchschnittliche heterosexuelle (wenngleich letztere aufholen), von spontanen und anonymen Sexkontakten ganz zu schweigen. Als Christinnen und Christen sind wir der tiefen Überzeugung, dass es Konsequenzen haben wird, wenn wir uns von Gottes Geboten abwenden und es schmerzt uns, dabei zuzusehen, wenn Menschen, die wir lieben, das tun. Gerade weil wir sie lieben, möchten wir ihnen sagen, warum wir uns fuer ein anderes Leben entschieden haben. Wir zwingen dies anderen nicht auf, moechten ihnen aber durchaus Alternativen aufzeigen. In gleicher Weise moechten wir Menschen mit rein heterosexuellen Neigungen schulen, wie sie anderen eine biblische und auf dem christlichen Glauben gegründetete Sichtweise von Ehe, Familie und Sexualität geben können und ihnen dabei mit Liebe und Respekt begegenen, ohne jedoch von ihren Glaubensüberzeugungen abzuweichen. Man hilft niemandem, wenn man ihn oder sie um des lieben Friedens willen in etwas bestärkt, von dem man zutiefst überzeugt ist, dass es Gottes Willen widerspricht.

Auch halten wir es für unehrenhaft, immer wieder dasselbe nachzuplappern, was andere vorgeplappert haben, ohne sich selbst jemals mit Menschen wie uns getroffen und offen auseinandergesetzt zu haben. Wir polen niemanden um. Allein diese Ausdrucksweise empfinden wir schon als diskriminierend, umso mehr, wenn sie von Menschen kommt, die sich selbst als Christen bezeichnen. Was das Schlagwort “Therapie” angeht, so wird dieses meist so verwendet, also wlle man jemanden von einer Krankheit heilen. Wir sind zum einen eine Selbsthilfegruppe, machen also keine Psychotherapie oder ähnliches. Unser Programm kann von jedem bezogen und gelesen werden (ausschnittsweise auch online). Gleichwohl treten wir für das Recht eines jeden Menschen ein, sein Therapieziel mit einem qualifizierten Fachmenschen (und die gibt es auch in der Ex-Gay Bewegung!) selbst zu bestimmen. Wir verweisen auf die unzähligen wissenschaftlichen Abhandlungen zu diesem Thema wie auf die vielen internationalen anerkannten Therapeuten, die auf diesem Gebiet seit Jahrzehnten arbeiten und ebenso anerkannte wissenschaftliche Studien sowie Standardwerke verfasst haben. Diese Menschen einfach in eine radikale und “fundamentalistische” (ein Wort, das man heutzutage für alles verwendet, was einem nicht passt) Ecke zu schieben und ihre Methoden anzuzweifeln, ohne selbst ein Fachmann auf diesem Gebiet zu sein oder ohne sich selbst jemals damit beschäftigt oder mit Betroffenen ein offenes Gespräch geführt zu haben, lehnen wir als zutiefst unehrenhaft und auch unchristlich ab.

Wir “unterdrücken” unsere Neigungen auch nicht, sondern sind uns dieser Neigungen wohl bewusst. Gleichwohl haben wir gelernt, ein erfülltes Leben zu führen, ohne diese Neigungen auszuleben. Wir haben gelernt, bedeutsame gleichgeschlechtliche Freundschaften ohne jeden sexuellen Hintergrund aufzubauen und wir haben ebenso gelernt, darauf zu achten, was wir lessen, was wir im Fernsehen, im Internet oder sonstwo ansehen oder mit welchen Menschen wir Umgang haben und schliesslich haben wir gelernt, Gott zum Zentrum unseres Lebens zu machen.

Menschen, die uns nie getroffen haben und uns nicht kennen, unterstellen uns nun, wir würden durch “Therapieversuche” (als ob es von vorneherein klar wäre, dass es keine Therapien geben kann, da nicht sein kann, was nicht sein darf!) psychisch krank werden. Was gibt diesen Menschen das recht, das zu tun? Wir haben viele eigene Erfahrungen und haben mittlerweile auch mit sehr vielen Gleichgesinnten Kontakt gehabt – national und international. Wir sind dem Herrn zutiefst dankbar, dass wir in dieser langen Zeit mit vielen unterschiedlichsten Menschen nicht einen einzigen getroffen haben, der/die durch das, was er/sie bei und durch uns und Menschen/Gruppen wie die unsere erfahren hat, psychisch krank wurde. Ganz im Gegenteil: wir durften viele Menschen begleiten, die ihr ganzes Leben verändert und an der Entwicklung ihrer Identität wie ihres Verhältnisses zu Gott zusammen mit Gleichgesinnten wie Fachleuten gearbeitet haben. Viele von ihnen sind mittlerweile verheiratet und haben Kinder. Eine grosse Anzahl von uns kann aus eigenen Erfahrungen berichten, dass wir zwar unter anderem wohl auch aufgrund unseres früheren Lebens in der schwulen Szene oder in schwulen Sexkontakten sowie aufgrund der unterschiedlichsten Faktoren, die einen Einfluss auf die Entwicklung unserer Neigungen Einflusss genommen haben, psychische Probleme bekommen haben, jedoch auch durch die enormen Veränderungen, die sich in uns selbst wie in unserem Leben vollzogen haben, psychisch wieder stabilisiert wurden und ein erfülltes Leben gefunden haben. Dies wurde bei so manchem von uns auch von Psychotherapeuten, Psychiatern oder Psychologen – oder auch Geistlichen und christlichen Brüdern und Schwestern - bestätigt, die uns jahrelang begleitet haben. Was gibt euch eigentlich das Recht, solche Behauptungen über uns aufzustellen? Ist es nicht ein Armutszeugnis, Menschen keine andere Alternative geben zu können und ihnen irgendwann einfach zu sagen, sie sollen doch leben, wie sie wollen, da sie es eh nicht schaffen werden, ein Leben in der Nachfolge Jesu Christi zu fuehren? Wir haben es geschafft, und zu behaupten, wir wuerden nicht existieren oder “Ausnahmen” wuerde es nicht geben, empfinden wir sowohl als Diskriminierung als auch als persönliche Beleidigung. Es gibt Tausende von uns, aber unsere Existenz anzuerkennen, würde ja heissen, dass man die eigenen Thesen und die eigene verdrehte “Theologie” – so gut sie auch gemeint gewesen sein mochten – schliesslich doch grundsätzlich überdenken muss! Anzuerkennen, dass es einen einzigen Menschen gibt, der/die es geschafft hat, ein anderes Leben zu wählen, selbst wenn er/sie immer noch gleichgeschlechtliche Empfindungen hat – wenn auch weit weniger häufig und intensiv -, bedeutet für andere Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen nichts anderes, als dass man selbst keine Ausrede mehr hat. Welche theologische Sichtweise ist dies im übrigen, zu behaupten, dass man sich sowieso nicht ändern kann und somit Jesus umsonst am Kreuz gestorben ist! Oder im Gegensatz die Bibel und die kirchlichen Lehraussagen solange umzudrehen und umzuinterpretieren, bis sie das gewünschte Ergebnis liefern?

Es gibt uns und ihr habt nun keine Ausreden mehr. Ihr könnt uns beschimpfen, radikalisieren oder gar kriminalisieren, aber es gibt uns immer noch.


"Ist die schwule Identität so zerbrechlich, dass sie den Gedanken nicht ertragen kann, dass einige Menschen nicht schwul sein möchten?"

"Es ist in Ordnung, wenn ein Mann seinen Penis entfernt haben möchte, damit er Sex als eine heterosexuelle Frau haben kann, aber es ist nicht in Ordnung, eine Therapie zu bekommen, wenn er Sex mit einer Frau haben und eine Familie gründen möchte!"

Dr. Michael Brown



Es gibt nun auch solche, die man als "Ex-Ex-Gays" bezeichnet (sie selbst nennen sich unter anderem "Ex-Gay Survivor"). Menschen also, die eine Zeitlang in einer Ex-Gay Einrichtung verbracht haben, an einem Programm teilgenommen haben oder selbst in leitender Funktion dort tätig waren und nun zurück ins homosexuelle Leben gegangen sind.

Soweit, so gut. Wir akzeptieren und respektieren diese Entscheidung. Womit wir aber Probleme haben, ist, dass hier einige Homepages ins Internet stellen, Pressekonferenzen geben usw. und recht schaurige Geschichten über die Zeit in der Ex-Gay Einrichtung erzählen. Wie schlimm es dort zugeht, die seltsamen Methoden, die man dort verwendet und die Nutzlosigkeit des Ganzen.

Irgendwie können einem diese Menschen leid tun. Gut, sie selbst haben es - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - nicht geschafft und sind - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - ins schwule Leben zurück gekehrt. Den schwarzen Peter aber nun den Ex-Gay Ministries zuzuschieben und sich vor der eigenen Verantwortung zu drücken, ist unehrenhaft. Wir gehen auch davon aus, dass selbst Menschen, die solches als Unbeteiligte sehen, durch solche Strategien sehen und die wahren Beweggründe erkennen können. Zuerst Gay, dann Ex-Gay, dann Ex-Ex Gay - wie glaubhaft ist man da noch?

In der Ex-Gay Zeit bewegende Zeugnisse in der Öffentlichkeit geben - und in der Ex-Ex-Gay Zeit dann wieder an die Öffentlichkeit mit ebenso "bewegenden" Botschaften gehen - solche Menschen haben ein Identitätsproblem. Und daran sind nicht Ex-Gay Ministries schuld.

Wir maßen uns nicht an, über solche Menschen zu urteilen. Wir raten jedoch dringend zu einer Zeit der Besinnung und des In-Sich-Gehens, bevor man nahtlos vom einen zum anderen geht. Ein solches Verhalten ist sehr unreif, auch wenn die gefühlte Motivation noch so aufrichtig sein mag.

Trotz allem reichen wir auch solchen Menschen die Hand zur Versöhnung. Wir heißen damit keineswegs ihre Überzeugungen gut und stehen auch weiterhin zu unserer Botschaft, gleichwohl wollen wir durch unser eigenes Beispiel ein Zeugnis der Liebe Jesu geben.


Ihr unterdrückt doch einfach nur eure Empfindungen und lebt sie nicht aus. Das kann zu gesundheitlichen Problemen führen!

Genau das tun wir nicht: Unsere gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen einfach nur zu unterdrücken - und fertig. Ja, wir haben uns dazu entschieden, diese nicht auszuleben - und diese Entscheidung bitten wir mit demselben Respekt und derselben Toleranz wertzuschätzen, die man auch für sich selbst einfordert. Jason hat aber immer die Notwendigkeit betont, nicht einfach nur vor etwas wegzulaufen (also sexuell unangemessenes Verhalten zu unterlassen), sondern auch auf etwas zuzulaufen (also an der eigenen männlichen Identität zu arbeiten, die unter den gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen liegenden Emotionen und Bedürfnisse zu erkennen und auf andere Art und Weise zu befriedigen, ein neues Ziel im Leben zu finden, am zerbrochenen Verhältnis zu Gott zu arbeiten usw.). Es ist doch sehr verwunderlich, dass manche nicht einsehen zu wollen scheinen, dass man gleichgeschlechtliche Empfindungen nicht einfach ausleben muss, sondern sich auch anders entscheiden kann. Warum werden hier gleich negative gesundheitliche Konsequenzen angeführt? Kann es sein, dass nicht sein kann, was nicht sein darf? Wenn eine Alternative zum Ausleben gleichgeschlechtlicher Neigungen möglich ist, ohne dass jemand gleich Schaden an Leib und Seele nimmt, hat jemand, der sich auf ein notwendiges Ausleben dieser Neigungen beruft, womöglich Argumentationsprobleme - vor sich selbst und vor anderen.

Wir sind keine Ärzte und/oder Therapeuten, aber aus unserer eigenen Erfahrung können wir sagen, dass nicht jeder, der sich für ein Leben in Jesu Nachfolge und gegen das Ausleben gleichgeschlechtlicher Neigungen entscheidet, Schaden an Leib und Seele nimmt.

A Different Approach to Same-Sex Attractions for Ex-Gay- and Purity Ministries

Seeing same-sex attractions not as all wrong in and of themselves, but also considering the blessings they can bring will necessarily need to a different approach in the everyday work and the visions of ex-gay ministries as well.

So far, at best all we could scratch together was something like “Same-sex attractions alone are not sinful – only acting upon them is.” There is one problem with that (well-intentioned) argumentation: it just does not work. If same-sex attractions are not altogether and just because they exist bad, then there obviously is also a potential positive side to them (there is no such thing as “neutral”). That is, they might also have good and valuable consequences! It is only what we make of them in our fallen state what makes them sinful.

Same with sexuality in general: we can go for the hookers or we can regard it as something holy and wanted by God, as something life- and love-giving where a man and a woman become so much one they will have to give that “one” a name nine months later.

Think about the resources we gave them and the help we offered them: We wrote books with lots of practical advices of how to control our sexual desires and how not to fall, action plans, we made sure they find out their triggers (persons or objects that sexually arouse them in an inappropriate way) and how they could avoid them or focus on Bible verses once they get exposed to them. We explained in great detail how a broken relationship with their same-sex parent, a dominant mother, a perceived unloving environment in childhood with self-pity as a sort of medication and substitute for love and against pain, a distorted view of one’s own identity led to their same-sex attractions. We showed them various psychological theories of how that could have happened and how they can deal with this now. We told them to pray when their temptations came up and run for Christ once it gets too strong and overwhelming.

Do not get me wrong: all of that is good and necessary. There is nothing wrong with any of that (aside possible flaws in some secular psychological explanations and theories maybe. Like any theory some might prove to be wrong or only apply to select individuals).

So what’s my point?

Well, we put people with same-sex attractions in a no-win situation. Yes, those resources where useful to some degree, but they fell short in many cases in the end. The problem is more the image we have of people with same-sex attractions that seems to be behind all of that: We saw them almost as ticking time-bombs that needed a constant daily structure not to explode. We told them how messed up they were psychologically, how broken their relationship with the Lord was, how insufficient their (healthy) bonds with other members of the same sex were, how one thing led to the other and put them into a situation that they need or want to get out from now. A change of perspective, behavior, attitude, identity issues, understanding of the past and of family matters, and the like was the goal in all of that. Again: a lot – if not all – of that is true and necessary – at least to some degree. It is necessary for every Christian.

What is not necessary, however, is to see people with same-sex attractions only as that and/or to generalize certain aspects (“one size fits all”). With much of what we have been doing so far, we almost put those we wanted to reach out to into a position where they almost felt like jerks, falling constantly short of what and where they should or wanted to be. Yes, that is the case for every Christian – we all fall short when it comes to being the men and women God designed us to be. Also there definitely have been changes in the lives of many individuals – in various areas of those lives, including the spiritual areas. So yes, a lot of our work was and is useful. The thing is, that if that is where it stops, then people who to some degree always struggle with same-sex attractions might see themselves almost as something like disordered, weak individuals with no self-discipline and/or constant inappropriate looks and/or thoughts/acts, even though they definitely make progress in many aspects of their lives and learn to satisfy their needs a better way than maybe before.

If we fail to help people with same-sex attractions see the positive side these attractions might have and the potential that may lie within them, we definitely have missed the mark big time.

I am not talking about a “feel-good” approach that says it’s okay to “be gay” in the sense that as long as you feel good about it something is morally acceptable and if not then we help you feel good anyway. All of us have to do our part in becoming the men and women God wants us to be.

So in that sense all the resources and means mentioned above certainly are useful in helping people leading a godly life and understanding why they are the way they are. Also there definitely is a need (for everyone!) to understand what a real man and a real woman is all about and what our individual masculinity and femininity is all about and how we get there. What our real needs are and who we really are.

Some might seek to strengthen those traits within us that are an expression of experiencing heterosexually as to sexual and emotional attractions.

Yet all of that will not be enough. No wonder some gave up, went back into the gay life or built a new theology around their not being able to do all what needed to be done to live a life they considered godly. Constantly struggling against what must not be and yet is.

What we need to do us help people find out what God’s plan for their lives is and how they can use whatever gifts He has given them for His glory – and that may include their same-sex attractions.

How can they begin to see themselves as God sees them and love themselves as God loves them – and from there reaching out, preaching the Good News and make disciples?

How can those same-sex attractions help them do just that and become a blessing for the world? How can they focus on what those attractions might have been intended for – and not on what our fallen state has made with them?

Being “attracted” to the same sex means a lot more that simply having a crush for someone or lusting after him/her. It also means to be able to bond with him/her on a much deeper level than a mere heterosexual attraction would allow. And that definitely is a gift – not just as to the same sex, but also as to the opposite one.

It also means that those people might have a much deeper understanding of what is going on inside of those of the same sex. That they have the missing keys to their hearts which allow them to open their hearts.

What we have taught them so far (and can still teach them) will help them watch their own hearts so they do not become a stumbling block for those they are responsible for.

How about we come to an understanding that it can be perfectly okay to have same-sex attractions. As every other Christian people with same-sex attractions are called to lead a godly life, but they also have other gifts and talents than other people. Gifts that can and should be cherished and used as a blessing and thus bear rich fruit. That help others see things from another perspective and reach out to those that others won’t reach.

What a blessing we as ex-gay- and purity ministries would be for people with same-sex attractions then and what a blessing they could become for themselves and for the rest of the world!

Robert Gollwitzer
Munich, Germany

Scientific Tests?

Should we take part in „scientific“ tests that want to (dis-)prove the possibility of change through our physical reactions?

From the bottom of my heart: NO.

Why is that?

There are many reasons for that. In short: You don’t want to go down to that level. Had I heard of ex-gay leaders that do that when I left my gay life, I’d probably not even have given the option of living a life aside from the gay scene a chance. I’ve been there where you show off your thing in public – I did not need to go back and go down to that level again.

Let’s go into detail:

First: Why would you want do that (and in some cases even take money for it!)? Think about the headlines: “Gay leader being paid for showing his thing in public”. You think that would really help the cause?

Maybe you want to do that to give a scientific “proof” for the possibility of change and thus motivate others. Nice motivation, bad thought. First you’d have to prove that you were “homosexual” at first place so you can prove you came out of it and changed to heterosexual. As the causes of “homosexuality” to this day are not even clear, it is impossible to do that. So any attempt to prove the possibility of change is futile from the beginning.

Second: Think about what could go wrong. You might be nervous, you might have a physical disease or what not. All of that could influence and/or distort the outcome – with dramatic consequences for people wanting and seeking change.

For a scientific test to be valid, it would also need to be repeated. How many men do you think can be found willing to do this?

Most of all, however, our goal is NOT to change from “homosexual” to heterosexual, but to become followers of Christ (for the non-Christians: to find freedom from same-sex attractions – however that might look like for the individual).

Do I think that change from “homosexual” to heterosexual is possible? Absolutely. For God all things are possible that might be impossible for men.

But: Who do you need to prove that to? The institutes that do those tests most likely than not are not what you might call “neutral” – else they wouldn’t do the test (see above). I don’t believe Christian scientists or serious secular scientists would do such “experiments”. Gay activists would not be convinced, even if the test would prove what you want it to prove. People that seek help might not be encouraged, but discouraged. Why? Some of them struggled for years to find freedom. Now they hear that this guy has changed a 100 %. I don’t know about you guys, but in my case this would add shame to the guilt. I’d even feel worse than ever before for not having made it yet.

Now just for the sake of the argument let’s assume everything goes according to plan and 100 men do the test and give a “scientific” prove they changed (again: it would not even be scientific at first place because you first need to prove you were “homosexual”). What would that show? That change is possible? So what? It would not be a sign for something being wrong or right from a moral perspective. Even if change would not be possible something could be wrong from a moral perspective. Even if change is possible, it does not make things right (if so, heterosexual men could and maybe even should change to “homosexuals” too).

Again: Do not go down to the level of some gay activists. Neither did Jesus. He was mocked and told to do this and that if He really was the Son of God. He did none of it. It would have been easy to say something like “Just for the record: You see that Temple over here? BOOF! Now you don’t!” or say or do something else to “scientifically prove” He stand above physics and thus is very “likely” to be the Son of God. He did none of it but stayed silent, knowing that people would not even believe then. Even the miracles He did perform were done to show people the importance of faith and not to show what a great magician Jesus really was. He did not need to prove anything to anybody. If people did not come to Him by faith, there is no point for them to follow Him anyways. Jesus even called those blessed that do not see and still believe. That should teach us a lesson.

Finally: As every good Christian we should surround ourselves with good and healthy Christian men that walk with us through life and encourage and/or exhort us and help us find the right decisions. God pointed out several times that our hearts are deceitful and we should not trust them. For us alone it is impossible to find out which ones of the many voices we get to hear each day are from God and which from the other side. In important matters – and taking such tests as men who have responsibilities certainly is an important matter – we should listen to the advice of our friends and also the advice and opinion of the people we work together with in a ministry and/or church congregation. Else we are very prone to fall for pride and arrogance (“Had I always listened to others, I’d have never achieved what I did achieve!” – Really? If there is something good we did achieve we did so through the blessings of God and through His sanctifying work). Works of the flesh (like pride) will never bring forth fruits of the Spirit. As believers in Jesus we are not individuals cut off from the rest – we are part of the body of Christ and should act like that.


Why Even Bother Starting an Ex-Gay Ministry or a Local Homosexuals Anonymous Chapter?

Let’s go back in time: Some years ago, when I joined the online program of Homosexuals Anonymous, an online group was all I had. From there the Lord led me step by step towards freedom – almost like a father dragging his little boy while the latter one is kicking and screaming.
After a while I started regretting very much that there was no local chapter in Munich, Germany. Not a single one in Europe at all. Well, then the thought popped up to found one myself, and while I’m at it, why not just found a whole ministry as well?
The second thought was, “Yea right. Me of all should do such a thing. I must be out of my mind!”
But when the Lord calls you, He calls you with persistence. Father Bill Casey from the Fathers of Mercy would say that a calling sometimes starts with a sort of nagging voice that won’t leave you alone till you yield. Like someone standing behind you sticking his finger in your side while saying, “C’mon, c’mon…”.
Well, it is hard arguing with the big man above, so I started of.
From there my life took off. The ministry was named after a young man that just killed himself: Jason. A man with a strong faith that had unwanted same-sex attractions, but love the Lord more than the gay life, so he stayed on the right path. However, after ongoing insults of church members and unspeakable physical tortures by his peers, he could not stand it anymore and took his own young life.
The Lord who is able to bring good out of trouble saw it fit to awaken a desire in some men’s hearts to support the Jason ministry and spread it to other countries.
Over here in Munich, the local chapter has been meeting each week since 2005 with very few exceptions. I have met wonderful men during that time. The Lord also allowed us to address people through radio and TV shows, by addressing church assemblies, political party conventions – or by talking to concerned parents, pastors, spouses or people with unwanted same-sex attractions.
Sometimes I felt I did not want to do that anymore, but each time the Lord pulled me back to follow my call. Each time I was discouraged, He sent a light – and be it in the smile of someone who sought our help.
Yes, there have been attacks as well, but I could not care less about them. In fact, I pray for those who want us off the surface of the earth.
When I look into the eyes of a mother of a “gay” son that finally found someone who experienced freedom from same-sex attractions and who offers help, support and an open heart, I get more reward than I ever deserve.
Thinking back of the many men I was allowed to serve, my heart if filled with love, joy and deep thankfulness. I love each and every one of them.
Back in 2006, I was invited to a big church in the USA some of whose elders I met over here in Munich. Same story – my first reaction was, “NO WAY!!”. And my same-sex past was just one of my problems. Let’s just say I had been very far away from God until He called me back
But again – I kept on hearing that nagging voice until I finally yielded and flew over. I first spent about a week at that church, addressing the assembly, meeting with single church members and men in ministry of that area, addressing the men’s group – and was so very touched and thankful. The Lord faithfully guided my every step.
I then flew on to Pennsylvania where I attended the international Homosexuals Anonymous conference and got to know Dr. Douglas McIntyre who became a dear friend and is very close to my heart. I have heard few men in my life speaking with so much faith and holy fire than he did. To this day, I still count that time among the best days of my life.
Have I ever regretted starting a chapter – and with it a whole ministry? You got to be kidding me. It was the greatest blessing the Lord ever brought into my life – along with all those wonderful men that I am now honored to be able to call friends.
To cut a long story short: The Lord sets us free for a reason: Go out and spread the message of freedom ourselves!


Ex-Ex-Gay Ministries?

Ja, auch das gibt es - Menschen, die früher Ex-Gay Ministries wie Exodus oder anderen angehört haben, diese dann verlassen und zurück ins homosexuelle Leben gegangen sind und dann auch noch Einrichtungen gegründet haben für Menschen, die ebenso Ex-Gay Ministries verlassen haben.

Für mich hört sich das manchmal so an wie Menschen, denen eine Kirche aus diesen oder jenen Gründen nicht passt und die dann eine eigene Kirche aufmachen -  die ihnen genau das erlaubt, was sie eben tun wollen. Und zur Not wird die Bibel dem ganzen angepasst und entsprechend "uminterpretiert". Man hat ein festes, gewolltes Ergebnis und dreht die Verse so lange, bis sie dem Ergebnis entsprechen.

Oder wie das Gedicht vom "Lampenputzer", der in der revolutionären Zeit des letzten Jahrhunderts gelebt hat, und dann die politische Ideologie umschreibt (er ist Lampenputzer und es passt ihm nicht, dass die Revoluzzer immer die Lampen kapputt machen. Also schreibt er darüber, wie man Revolution machen und gleichzeitig Lampenputzer sein kann).

Ich will mich hier keineswegs lustig über "Ex-Ex-Gays" machen. Mir sind sehr wohl die tiefen Empfindungen und vielleicht auch erfahrenen Verletzungen bewusst und es tut mir aufrichtig leid, dass sie als einzigen Ausweg daraus diesen Weg gesehen haben.

Wofür ich aber kein Verständnis mehr habe, ist, wenn man gleichzeitig Horrorstories über Ex-Gay Ministries erzählt und sie schlecht macht. Ich habe nun selbst jahrelange Erfahrung auf diesem Gebiet und bin sehr dankbar für die wunderbaren Menschen, die Gott seit meinem Weg aus der Homosexualität in mein Leben gebracht hat. Nicht eine Minute habe ich Erfahrungen wie die gemacht, die teilweise von "Ex-Ex-Gays" geschildert werden. Das ist einfach nicht in Ordnung und moralisch unakzeptabel. Geschweige denn christlich. Wenn ihr selbst wieder zurück ins schwule Leben geht, ist das eure Entscheidung, die ich sehr wohl respektiere. Aber man muss dafür nicht andere durch den Dreck ziehen, oder gar erwarten dass andere diesen Weg aus der Homosexualität heraus - und dann wieder in das schwule Leben hinein - nachvollziehen. Wie glaubwürdig ist man damit schon? Was kommt als nächster Umschwung?

Wir sind Christen und als solche sehen wir in der gesamten Bibel keinen einzigen Hinweis dafür, dass Homosexualität jemals akzeptiert und von Gott gut geheißen wurde. Wir zwingen diese Meinung niemandem auf - aber wir stehen dazu. Ist euch jemals der Gedanke gekommen, dass ihr mit eurem erneuten Umschwung falsch liegen könntet? Vor allem, wenn ihr vorher in leitender Tätigkeit bei Ex-Gay Ministries gedient habt: was, wenn ihr euch jetzt (wiederum!) täuscht? Wie viele wollt ihr mit euch ziehen? Denn davor warnt uns die Bibel ausdrücklich: als Hirten unsere Schafe in die Irre zu leiten.

Selbst wenn uns morgen jemand "beweisen" würde, dass Homosexualität "angeboren" wäre, würden wir an Gottes Wort festhalten und Seinem Versprechen, dass Er keine Versuchung über uns kommen lassen wird, der wir nicht widerstehen könnten. Dass Er bei uns sein wird bis ans Ende aller Tage und dass wir deshalb keine Angst haben müssen.

Wir wissen aber auch um die Tatsache, dass das Tor zum Himmel eng und der Weg dorthin steil und beschwerlich ist und nur wenige es durchschreiten - im Gegensatz zum breiten, bequemen Weg, der zum großen Tor führt, das aber nicht zum Himmel führt...

Nochmals: Was, wenn ihr euch irrt? Wäre das dann nicht eine schreckliche und folgenschwere Entscheidung - für euch wie für andere?




Ex-gays being ignored by the church in Germany!

Most of the German churches completely ignore the existence of ex-gays or ex-gay ministries - at best. Some have a more-or-less open gay-friendly policy, others technically hold the biblical and traditional point of view - but rather in theory than in everyday life. The subject of same-sex attractions ("homosexuality") is usually not even mentioned in any church (with view exceptions). Hardly ever you get to hear a biblical sermon on it or it being adressed in church circles. Sometimes people in ministry make headlines for having same-sex partners - openly or not openly. Even big churches that (on paper) still hold a biblical view would not invite us - neither to adress the congregation nor on any event (some of them being really (!) big!). Sometimes I get the impression that if there is a big and public church event where they can't avoid to address it, they would rather invite people who seem to have not problem acting out their same-sex attractions (they would then apply the "same principles as for heterosexual couples": fidelity and the like. What heresy!), or they might invite gay friendly theologians or simply theologians with a big title - instead of those who offer real help. Ministries that offer real help. Ministries where people are finding freedom from same-sex attractions. One of the bigger denominations even has a purity ministry itself in other countries (even in Europe) - and they would not even invite them. I am at the same time very angry about this irresponsible behavior, about people who seem to offer no help at all (on the contrary, some even might lead people with ssa astray!), but also defiant: They will not silence us. As Michael O'Brien, the famous Canadian novelist, wrote us in an email: Continue to be the sign of contradiction! The time where people with unwanted ssa only met in clandestine circles is over. We are loud and proud as well and we could not care less what others think of us or how they view us. The truce is over - now it is time to put on the armor, gather and fight! We have a mighty enemy, so let's raise our (spiritual) fists and get in the ring! I call on each one of us and each one that supports our call to follow our battle call. There is much more at stake than just a couple of those "weird" ex-gay people. Once we open the door for sin to enter the body, it will spread. So take heart, brothers and sisters all over the world! Join us, stand up for your faith and your Savior and fight!


Should we play victims to be noticed as ex-gays and win in courts?

In short: NO WAY. Victimization is a strategy the gay activists have been using for years successfully. Make yourself look as a victim and the opponent as a bad guy and you’ll win people over. Should we do the same now as it promises quick results?
The end does not justify the means. The means have to be a reflection of the end and victimization certainly is not a proper means - especially if it is used to make some progress.
One of the crucial points in recovery of same-sex attractions is to free oneself of feelings and attitudes of being a victim. We learn to take full responsibility for our life as is now. Whatever contributed to our same-sex attractions, we are now adult persons who can and need to take over their own lives and stop playing the blame game. Yes, the family, the relationship with our same-sex parent, our peers, abuse experiences, personal traits, and many more played a role in that – but if we keep on blaming others for what we are experiencing and doing now, we will never get a step forward as we can only change ourselves and not other people.
To copy gay activist tactics just because they paved the way for the gay movement is pathetic in my eyes. If we are like the world, why would anybody have what we have?
I am an ex-gay and I am HAPPY and thankful to be so! I don’t have to play the victim – even if that would bring me “advantages” (like winning court cases). I want to stand in front of people with the head up high and tell them there is a way out and no, you won’t get me down. I will make myself heard and if you fight me, I will take the blows and fight back. Why should I wine? I have God on my side, so who can be against me?
If we as followers of Jesus do not have something to be proud and happy about, I don’t know what.
Even if we communicate scientific facts, we don’t have to prove that we are persecuted and put down by mean gay activists. We can stand our ground and demand that our rights be observed as well. Even if that causes us to loose court cases, I am willing to do so. I am not interested to win in court at the expense of giving up for what I believe in.
Yes, our primary focus should not be to attack gay activists, but to show other people what we are all about, that there is another option than embracing the gay life. However, we should also stand firm when we are attacked and not shy back. We are an army strong!
Let’s not become cheap copy cats. We don’t need to do what others do to succeed. Jesus didn’t go for publicity either – and look what came out of it.
We are free because Jesus died for us and we will shout it from the roofs!


Attacking Gay Activists and Fighting for Ex-Gay Rights?

Sounds good to me. But, why is it so awfully quiet out there? Thankfully there are organizations like Voice of the Voiceless that face gay activists head on and stand up for ex-gay rights. What about all the other ex-gays though? What about the Church? Silence.

Bing German, I find that very interesting. Not so long ago we had times where many Germans – and the rest of the world – stayed silent too when the Jews where being taken away. Why bother? I ain’t no Jew. Even most of the Jews stayed rather passive and offered no resistance (not that I reproach them that). Like sheep being taken to the slaughterhouse.

How is it we get paralyzed like deer standing in the flashlight of a car as soon as times get rougher?

How is it people who formerly self-identified as “gay” and found freedom later on stay silent and hide?

Most in the Church probably think that’s none of their business. Let the gays do what they want. We don’t have that problem.

Really? Each Church from a certain size on has that “problem”. And even if they don’t – you cannot escape a political force anymore that is strong enough to bring the mightiest men in the world to their knees. Why stop at churches? Why not force them to allow gays on their staff, to perform gay weddings? Not to even mention what’s behind the curtain once the gay kid is out.

As to the ex-gays themselves: Well, I guess you can find a thousand good reasons why you are not the right guy to stand up for ex-gays and share the joy and freedom that the Lord has blessed you so richly with.

But there is one good reason not to: Jesus.

If we call ourselves followers of Jesus, we need to accept His radical call for discipleship. “Follow me” is a battle cry, not an invitation to come and watch a nice church program. He called us to hold unto Him – even unto death! And He warned us never to deny Him!

I remember a Bible study I did years ago. We talked about the persecution of Christians in the last days as I wanted to make sure that each one that passes my Bible studies should be prepared if that day comes up. One lady said, “Why, there is no way I can withstand persecution! I am too scared!” I told her I was scared too and I shared a story of the early martyrs that has been passed on through the centuries.

Beneath the circus of Rome Christians were held in captivity waiting to be taken up and fed to the lions. Among them a pregnant woman. When she got in labor pains she started to scream as the pain was so intense. One of the guards said, “If you scream like that already now, wait till you are up there with the lions!” She answered, “Now it is me that suffers, up there it will be Christ suffering in me”.

That’s how I feel about it. There is no way I can withstand the devil and his followers through my own force. I am certainly not the guy to do that. But, when the day comes, I know that Jesus is with me. I need not suffer alone.

“Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” (Col 1:24 NIV)


How do we deal with attacks from the world?

It is quite common that Christian (or non-Christian) ex-gay ministries are under attack. Lots of people do not like what we are doing because if there is one, only one person that has successfully managed to leave his or her gay life and find freedom from same-sex attractions, then you do not have an excuse anymore for not doing the same or calling what you are doing “natural” as you cannot change your ways anyway.

Gay activists, politicians, even church folks, family members, celebrities – lots of them have something against us. They might threaten us, insult us, take us to court, raise the whole world against us or whatever else is in their minds. So how deal with that?

Let’s start with how not to deal with it: You do not counter worldly attacks by becoming like the world and using worldly means. If you organize your ministry like any other worldly company, where is the difference? You enter their game, you play their game.

You do not win people for your cause by using worldly fundraising methods (like whining and begging with subtle and not-so-subtle means).

You do not win them over by praising yourself and pointing out what a good person you are.

And you do not counter attacks by defending and justifying yourself and your ministry all the time and throwing a pitty party once things get rough. They nailed the Son of God onto the Cross – why should they treat us differently? I don’t want a crown of jewels for myself when my Lord wore a crown of thorns.

So what to do?

Well, let’s take a look on what Jesus did. That should be a pretty good source and role model to begin with.

He did not use tricky means or whine to get people to donate Him money so He can hire more apostles. He did not point out what a great job He is doing to impress rich donors. Actually, from a fundraiser’s point of view and for publicity reasons He could not have done any worse than by what He did: Using absolute “losers” or “no-names” as apostles, saying and doing the most inappropriate things at the wrong time, getting in trouble with the big shots, talking in offensive ways or in ways hard to understand, doing things that ticked lots of them off…

Jesus did not figure out the best ways to counter attacks. He did what He did – knowing that would get Him into deep trouble.

So what does that mean for us?

We do the same. We do not focus on who will or might attack us and how to counter those attacks. We do not whine and beg for money once they happen (and just for the record: there is nothing wrong with accepting donations. But begging and focusing on the money certainly is). We focus on God – and Him alone. We do what is the right thing to do and put our trust a 100% in Him. We give Him praise and show people through our own example what a better alternative looks like. We become the sign of contradiction in a world that goes with the flow. We give Him our everything and love Him and our neighbor like ourselves. We go out and make disciples.

This might sound radical to some, but Jesus did ask us to give our everything. He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it. And if we are under attack, we will love our aggressors even more. They might rob us of everything – including money – but that will only free us to show them that we love and follow our Lord even more so. We do not follow the world and worldly things. Being followers of Christ, we are new creations and made of different stuff. We do not “take care” of the “marginalized” by raising costly ministries and hiring staff and lawyers, but by being with them and by serving and loving them like Christ would.

We do not focus on the attacks, but on our Lord and how we best serve Him by serving the least of our brothers.

We are just crazy enough to believe what He said.


Accepting Ex-Gays

The ongoing story of ex-gay Larry Houston, a Harvard-employed cook in Annenberg Hall, who was criticized by students late last year for speaking openly about his conversion, is just one more example of the intolerance faced by former homosexuals and lesbians all across this country. Robert Spitzer's Columbia University study of former homosexuals and lesbians has shown that same-sex attractions can be overcome. Ex-gay organizations such as National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, Regeneration Books, Evergreen, International Healing Foundation, One by One and Exodus have also helped demonstrate that homosexuality is neither genetic nor irreversible.

Each year thousands of men and women with same-sex attractions make the personal decision to leave homosexuality by means of reparative therapy, ex-gay ministry or group counseling. Their choice is one only they can make. However, there are others who refuse to respect that choice, and endeavor to attack the ex-gay community. Consequently, ex-gays are subject to an increasingly hostile environment where they are reviled or attacked as perpetrators of hate and discrimination simply because they dare to exist.

For example, ex-gay David Ott of Madison, Wisconsin, was charged with a hate crime because he insisted that homosexuals could change their sexual orientation as he had done. The San Francisco Board of Supervisors termed the activities of ex-gay ministries as "acts of discrimination." The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Educational Network distributed the booklet "Just the Facts" to many of the public school districts in America accusing ex-gay participation in public schools as "harassment." The Human Rights Campaign demanded that a contributor reconsider her sizeable donation to a children's school merely because it had indirect ties to an ex-gay ministry.

Tim Wilkins was fired from his job as supervisor at the Raleigh (N.C.) News & Observer newspaper for daring to "come out" as a former homosexual. Lesbian Jackie Goldberg of the Los Angeles City Council passed a resolution condemning an ex-gay conference held in that city as "perpetuating fear and intolerance."

Facing homosexual pressure campaigns that mischaracterized ex-gay speech as promoting discrimination, Detroit's three major television networks rejected ads featuring ex-gay men. Prominent ex-gay author Richard Cohen was accused of discriminating against homosexuals when he released his new book Coming Out Straight. And now Larry Houston. The list is endless because every day brings new hostile acts against the ex-gay community. In this climate of intolerance against ex-gays due to their very existence, support for the ex-gay community is interpreted as bigotry and discrimination against homosexuals.
The harassment of ex-gays by gays themselves is a sad end to the long struggle for tolerance by the gay community. That ex-gays and their supporters are now oppressed by the same people who until recently were victimized themselves, demonstrates how far the gay rights movement has come. Indeed, a new chapter in the movement has begun-the right of homosexuals and lesbians to leave that lifestyle should they so choose.

We need to face the real issue of sexual orientation-intolerance of ex-gays. Would Harvard students allow ex-gays to apply outright for funding under the Undergraduate Council's Anti-Homophobia project? To give sexual orientation protection to one group while excluding another is the worst form of discrimination. Please remember that former homosexuals and lesbians are also worthy of respect and a voice in the public policy forum. Ex-gays are not the hate mongers you deem us to be.

Regina Griggs is national director of the Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays, based in Alexandria, Va.

Resources - Links

A sad trend all over the globe right now: In fear of legal attacks so-called "ex-gay ministries" (nothing much left of that) change their names and bow down to therapeutic Christianity. They dig out some wanna-be psychologic titles and make their mission statement sound so wishy-washy anybody can live with it - and nobody will be fed (let alone spiritually). Of course, the (former) Christian message is (almost) non existent - and if there is a reference to it, it is in the context of a cosmetic supplement to wellness-counseling that makes the client feel fuzzy and warm, but does not call him to repentence anymore. Gone the bold Christian stand that holds on firm like a rock whatever persecution may come. Long live cafeteria Christianity where everybody can choose his or her spiritual cocktail.
The former message of freedom from homosexuality is brushed off the table ("sexuality is not open for change") while at the same time timid references are made to scientific research that speaks of the "fluidity" of sexuality. You can't have it both ways! Stop sitting on the fence. Decide which side you're on and stay there!

Ich kann das ganze Gejammere über die Diskriminierung von Schwulen nicht mehr hören.
Gibt es das? Bestimmt. Wenngleich ich sagen muss, dass ich selbst in meinen vielen Jahren offen schwulen Lebens nie wirklich diskriminiert worden bin.
Wirkliche Diskriminierung habe ich erst erfahren, als ich das schwule Leben vor 14 Jahren hinter mir gelassen habe und offen dazu gestanden bin, nun ein anderes, für mich besseres Leben zu leben. Als "Ex-Gay" war und bin ich seitdem Ziel etlicher Attacken - zumeist von ebendiesen Schwulen.
Wer also den "Diskriminierungs-Vorwurf" für eigene politische Zwecke missbraucht, sollte daran denken, dass der Schuss auch nach hinten losgehen kann!

I cannot understand how some ex-gays tour the world with spreading the biblical message of freedom from same-sex attractions when at the same time they married a divorced woman while being divorced themselves. That alone takes away pretty much all of your credibility.


“Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth itself demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.”
― Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

Shouldn't the ex-gay movement be more than a group of ministries whose leaders wave with psychological titles, meet in secret circles, give wishy-washy press releases that are too slick to be attacked and too weak to provide real help and guidance - and charge money for services that tend to be more something like "low-level psychology" or "wellness with a Christian touch" than substantial physical, psychological and spiritual pastoral care? Sometimes it looks like some of those ministry programs are too weak to cope with the world - and even weaker to offer spiritual guidance. It's not about us and how we feel better. It's not about becoming straight or accepting whatever and whoever one is. It is not about following psychological programs designed by individuals that try to explain the whole world in simple terms. And most of all it is not about cash. It's about holiness. It's all about Him.

What about ex-gay events? Are they a good thing?

Well, yes and no. If you are talking about events where ex-gay leaders (and those close to them) talk to other ex-gays (and those who share their views), I hesitate to say yes. I do not like events where we are preaching to the choir and padding our own shoulders - even if that might raise some interest in the public arena. For years I have seen the ads of the usual "ex-gay train" (pretty much the same speakers) going here and there and saying things that the audience has heard before and does not have to be convinced of to begin with. If you need money to fund your projects, say so - but don't waste time and energy for something that has little lasting effect (and by lasting effect I am not talking about the reaction of gay activists). So what ex-gay events should we go for? Well, let's think about those we are planning to reach out to: people that are either out there in the gay scene or still in the closet, political parties, churches, schools, opinion multipliers, anybody interested, parents, kids, youth pastors, pastors in general, muslims, people of other religions or no religions, psychiatrists and psychologists and their lobbies, the military and the police, the youth and whoever else. So whatever event addresses them and is called "ex-gay event" is something we can and should support.


People with unwanted same-sex attractions certainly don't need another organization that pushes its own name instead of Jesus. One of those organizations that organizes those usual ex-gay "trains" (events) where they carry on the usual speaker saying things that you have heard a zillion times before (and better) - and charge money for it. Organizations that offer "counseling" and/or "therapy" without even always having people with the proper acknowledged and certified trainings. And no, being a pastor or a Christian does not make you an expert in secular science.

Thoughts to ponder for ex-gay and/or purity ministries helping people with unwanted same-sex attractions:

-    The ministry is not about you, your church or your organization. Your focus and primary goal should always be to help people finding freedom from same-sex attractions. Don’t seek to make your name big, but learn to be servant leaders.
-    Whatever program you use, understand that it is just one of many tools. It is not the Ten Commandments. Don’t reject other tools or ministries if they are useful for the people you are serving. It is not about your program. It is not your way or the highway. It is about those you are responsible for.
-    Chastity, celibacy, abstinence, purity, avoidance techniques and the like are only means to an end. They are NOT the end itself. The goal is not chastity or whatever else, it is freedom.
-    Only running away from something (like not doing, saying or thinking something) makes only the first 50%. It lays the necessary foundation, but if thins stop there, you do not offer real help. You can’t just run away from the bad (inappropriate sexual or romantic thoughts, words or deeds), you need to run towards the good too (building up one’s male or female identity, seeking out the emotional, relational and spiritual needs behind that and learn to satisfy them a better way, building healthy same-sex friendships, finding a fulfilled life and the like).
-    A human being is an entity of three factors you cannot separate: Body, psyche and soul. If you want to help people find real freedom, you need to address ALL those issues. Only focusing on one won’t cut it.
-    If you are a denominational ministry (that is a ministry that is or wants to be part of one church or faith group), you need to remind yourself of some points: Being accepted by your church or whatever else you belong to is NOT your goal. Rising up the organizational ladder and appearing in all the bulletin is NOT your goal. Shaping your ministry so it fits your denominational standards is NOT your goal. Your goal is to help people find freedom.
-    The times where we could live in a safe haven on some distant island are over (if they ever were there at first point). It is good to have more or less secret or confidential groups where people with unwanted same-sex attractions can meet. But if things stay there, you are making a big mistake. If you do not stand up in public for what you believe in, you are paving the way for gay activists to gain ground and for the church or any other institution or organization to continue to walk on erroneous paths as they have no clue as to where to go. We are at war, so we better learn how to fight. Each one of us will be held accountable one day as to what he or she did with his or her talents. If we were ashamed of our beliefs or sacrificed them on the altar of pleasing people and being on the “safe” side. If you are doing that, you are just wrong and the sooner you understand that, the better for the folks you are responsible for. And most of all don’t try to cover up personal mistakes or even pride with theological or other commonplaces.
-    If you want to serve, you need to do it Jesus’s way: showing unconditional love. That’s the whole point: you need to love the folks you are in charge of. If you do not have a heart for them, better stop right now. You also need to be humble and accept guidance and advice from others instead of believing you know it all.
-    You also need to be creative. If you always walk on the ways you walked on before, you will always end up where you are now. Think differently, do things nobody has ever done before. Don’t let a set pattern hold you down when you are burning!
-    Build up as many connections as you can: To church leaders, politicians, therapist, reporters, other ministries, social activists, scientists, doctors, and whatever else is out there.
-    Your ministry should never become a one-man or one-woman ministry. It is not about you.
-    Don’t be afraid to oppose people in public and make your point of view known – but make sure you are well prepared (I very much recommend Joe Dallas’s books), you have a daily spiritual structure and regular accountability, and finally make also sure you have some recreational and fun time in your life!


You are what you are when nobody's watching. If we make fun of "gays" behind closed doors when they can't hear it, how are we any better than the world? We are not helping people with same-sex attractions if we merely criticize their "behavior" as if that was something outside their human existence that they could cut off just like that. We are not helpiing anybody if we separate between "out-and-proud" gays that we attack and those in the closet that we reach out to. Yes, we need to confront certain political agendas, publicly voiced statements and the like, but we become very hypocrite when our goal is not lovingly saving souls, but attacking them like lone crusaders while complaining about the consequences that might bring for our private lives. As Christians we know that what we believe in and what we stand for will not only bring us friends. However, we also know that it is by our fruit that they shall reckognize us. Tertullian, one of the first Christians, said about the way others should be looking at us, "See how they love one another!". Honestly, I miss a good part of that in today's Christianity. And yes, I definitely include myself into that. I have to refoculs as well. Yet bringing up something like "You did it too!" gets us back to the age-old question, "If I jump off a cliff, will you jump after me?" We all are sinners - does that make sin acceptable? I don't think so. The Bible says that a house that is divided cannot stand and there is way too much division in today's Christianity - including the "ex-gay movement". I am in some "gay" facebook groups as well and sometimes I am well reminded why people with same-sex attractions are drawn into that life... We all still have much to learn and I reach out to each and everyone - whether they like me/us or not. If we keep on fighting ourselves, we will not get anywhere. God told us to love and forgive one another, to bear each other's burden. Having said that, I forgive and ask for forgiveness and will do my best to love. Only then will we make the difference in this world.


It's embarassing to see ex-gay leaders show off in public. You know the type: I spoke here, I spoke there, see a picture of me with this or the other celebrity, and the like. As much as I appreciate their work, it is not about any of us. People should not say, "What a great speaker!", but rather "What a great Savior!"


What’s wrong with making chastity, abstinence or the like a goal in recovery from unwanted same-sex attractions?

Well, you’re limiting God’s ability to offer you REAL and COMPLETE freedom from same-sex attractions. You sort of stop half of the way and let Him know, “Well, that’s alright now. I think I’m good. No need to go any further. I’ll just spend the rest of my life suffering quietly and with obedience.” That’s not freedom, that’s lack of faith that it can be done.
Plus you’re focusing on what NOT to do – on behavioral (and at best thinking) patters that should be avoided. That is not recovery, that’s exactly that: avoidance. It means lifelong suffering for those you are called to help and shows little faith in God’s ability. Will everyone find complete freedom? No, but that is beyond our reach. We set the goal of finding real freedom that God promised us – knowing that He can.

Why do you always talk about freedom? Doesn’t freedom stand on shaky ground if it is not based in God? Shouldn’t holiness be more like it?

Well, in fact holiness is our [i.e. Homosexuals Anonymous and its affiliate Jason Ministries] final goal – at least for the followers of Jesus among us. But there is one problem here: All we ask of people that want to join us is the will to be free. Without that will recovery is not possible. We cannot – and must not! – make adherence to the Christian faith a condition for those who seek our help. Faith is a free gift of God that can be accepted or rejected. People that join us should know that we are completely Christ-centered and at least be willing to work with a Christian program. However, we also have Muslims among us and sometimes even non-believers (or “sort-of”-believers). That is fine with us. They can – and should! – first work with those parts of our program they feel comfortable with. Yes, some accept that gift of God and follow Christ, but that is not a condition for us to help them. At best, we can show them through our example what followers of Jesus are made of so they might want to have that too.


Stop the begging!

We know them all – Christian ministries that beg for money, using more or less sophisticated means of publicity and modern media. You get to see those poor little children with the sad eyes, or they try to get you with all sorts of tearful stories.

Anything wrong with that? Yes, a lot. Besides the fact that we should not abuse pictures of dramatic situations for fundraising, we forget why we are here for at first place, what the center of our focus should be – and what not.

So accepting money is wrong? Not necessarily. Begging for it is.

How that? Look at Jesus and the apostles. Yes, when something was offered to them, they accepted it, but they did not go from house to house telling people stories of their persecuted followers to get them to donate them a couple of coins.

Almost all of the apostles knew some trade – and most likely used it. So can we. We can use simple methods to meet our daily needs and teach others how to do that. Example: Dr. Douglas McIntyre serves as a missionary in Uganda right now. Among others, they lack electricity there. So instead of begging others for money, he learned how to build a simple wind generator by using a barrel – and he taught others how to do that so they don’t have to beg either.

Whatever ministry you are having: Accept what is offered to you, but don’t send out emails asking people to give you money and don’t organize events with the sole purpose to raise cash.

That stinks.

As Christians, our purpose is to fulfill the Great Commission and the Great Commandment: leave everything behind, take up our cross daily, love the Lord with all of our hearts; go out, baptize people and make them disciples – and love everyone in word and deed (like by feeding them or teaching them how to get food). The apostles did not care whether or not they received donations. They lived a very simple life – even for the times back then – and look what they did with that.

So can we: Cut it down to the basics. You don’t need to act like a worldly company. We have a love burning within us that is beyond anything the world could possibly offer. We do not share that burning love by raising huge ministries who make millions of dollars, but by loving them, living with them, being there for them and make Jesus become present in us.

Go out and become a true disciple before you call others to. Leave the world behind – and with it worldly methods – and become more like Christ. Jesus did not start a fundraising campaign among the Jews or the gentiles either: He owned nothing and asked for nothing. He taught us to become the lowest of the lowest.

Think back of Mother Theresa. I cannot remember ever having heard from her she wanted money. And yet she saved so many lives – and souls!

We should do no less.


For those among us who found freedom and married a beautiful wife or husband: Praise the Lord! Those, however, who married a divorced partner did not find freedom, they simply exchanged one sin for another. If you love your partner, you want the best for him/her - and the best is always the best in God's eyes. You loose all of your credibility when you keep on talking about ex-gay stuff while continuing to live in another sinfuld live. Most of all, you do not do us (and yourself) a favor with that - quite on the contrary. And please stop justifying that with your own personal view of the Bible that happens to meet your lifestyle. This is exactly what gay Christians do.

It saddens me to see how many ex-gay or purity ministries seem to focus more on themselves and on their own self-designed programs than on working together with other ministries or individuals - no matter where they are coming from - and using whatever tools there are to do what we are called for: help people with unwanted same-sex attractions recover and re-build their relationship with God. It is not about us vs. other ministries. It is not abour our very special programs. It is about saving lives - and souls.


Oceania and Africa

Thanks to the outstanding service and commitment of Pastor Paul, we were able to expand our ministry in Oceania, Africa and Asia. For more information please click here.

Was ist das eigentlich, "Homosexualitaet"?

Kurz gesagt, die Tatsache, dass sich jemand überwiegend und über einen längeren Zeitraum hinweg in sexueller und/oder emotionaler Hinsicht zum eigenen Geschlecht hingezogen fühlt. Wir bevorzugen aber den Begriff "gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen". Zum einen ist der Begriff "Homosexualität" (als eigenständige Form der Sexualität) noch gar nicht so alt. In klinischer Hinsicht konzentriert er sich vor allem auf die sexuelle Anziehung, was jedoch zu kurz gegriffen ist, da man hier die emotionale Zuneigung außer Acht lässt. Zum anderen sind wir als Christen der Überzeugung, dass es nur eine Gott-gegebene Form der Sexualität gibt - und das ist die Heterosexualität. Ja, es gibt Menschen, die - aus welchen Gründen auch immer (und seien sie "genetisch") - gleichgeschlechtlich empfinden, wir sehen dies aber nicht als eine eigenständige Identität, sondern als Teil der Heterosexualität an. Dies bedeutet keine Abwertung von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen oder eine Minder-Bewertung unseres Empfindens - ganz im Gegenteil. Wir sehen uns als Teil von etwas, das größer ist als wir (Gottes heterosexuelle Schöpfung) und sind weder besser noch schlechter als andere Menschen noch sehen wir uns als etwas Besonderes an und blicken auch nicht auf die herab, die ihre gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen ausleben. Auch konzentriert sich unser Leben nicht auf unser sexuelles und/oder emotionales Empfinden, sondern auf den, dem wir nachfolgen und der uns eine teuer erkaufte Freiheit geschenkt hat, damit auch wir frei sein können: Jesus Christus.

Homosexuals Anonymous

Jason is affiliated to Homosexuals Anonymous:



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The 14 Steps

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.

2. We came to believe the love of God, who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.

3. We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, who is able to bring good out of trouble.

4. We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.

5. We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.

6. We learned to claim our true reality that as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.

7. We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.

8. As forgiven people free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility, and contempt for the world.

9. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.

10. We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.

11. We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.

12. We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.

13. We sought through confident praying, and the wisdom of Scripture for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.

14. Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to homosexual people with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.

While the Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship was inspired by the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, they are not really an adaptation. Rather, they were created specifically for this Fellowship, and should not be construed otherwise. AA, which is a program concerned only with recovery from alcoholism, and is not in any way affiliated with this Fellowship.

Homosexuals Anonymous

Seek Me!

Jeremiah 29:13

King James Version (KJV)

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."



theWord Bible Software

I Have Decided to Follow Jesus

"I have decided to follow Jesus. Though no one joins me, still I will follow."

Assam, north-east India, who held on to Jesus when being told to recounce his faith by the village chief. His wife was killed and Assam as well - while he was singing these words: "The cross before me, the world behind me." His strong faith kept on shining: The village chief and others in the village converted afterwards. (see: Wikipedia)

Freedom from SSA


there are many professionals who are able to scientifically explain to you how to find freedom from same-sex attractions [in the sense that you leave a "gay" life or don't enter it to begin with].

I am a simple man so I will try to tell you in simple terms.

Imagine a father who wants to teach his son how to ride a bike. He will not give him a lesson on the functioning of each single part, where it came from and what it is made of. Nor will he lecture on how the human body works and how the mind coordinates things. He loves his sonny and wants him to be able to ride that bike on his own.

Of course, he could let him continue to ride with additional wheels, but this is not what the father wants. Daddy knows that his son will likely fall a couple of times. There will be tears and some pain as well. But as a loving father he buys his son a bike and takes him out to teach him how to ride.

Now the son does not expect a big lesson or a manual to start with. Yes, he might be somewhat scared as he does not know what to expect and how to handle this bike without additional wheels that keep it stable. But he knows that he can fully trust his father. He loves his daddy more than anything - and daddy loves him. So he takes a courageous first step and lets daddy show him how to do it.

Daddy will fist be there all the time to hold his son while he rides. However, step by step he will let him run a little bit on his own.

Sonny will ride this first bits all shaky and insecure, but then again he trusts his daddy, so he manages to do it - sort of.

Sometimes he will fall and have his knee scratched. Tears will roll down his cheek, but daddy will hold him im his arms and encourage him to take another effort.

Day by day little sonny will drive a little longer all by himself, until he finally manages to ride that bike completely alone. Daddy will be so proud of his son and his son will come running into his arms, thanking his beloved daddy for keeping his promise to be there all the time when things were getting rough on him. Daddy told him that he will ride that bike and all his little son had to do is to trust him just enough that he goes for it.

Sometimes all that keeps us from succeeding is the lack of belief that it can be done.