Jason International

A Word to "Ex-Gay Leaders"

Strategy for Christian Ex-Gay Ministries

I can already see the frowns. “Strategy”? What for? Well, do you think the gays got to the point where they are now without any strategy? So here some points to ponder:

1) Don’t just copy what worked for gay activists. The end does not justify the means. Quite on the contrary: the means should always point to the end.
2) Stop being nice. This is over. “Tolerance” does not mean you cannot criticize somebody else’s opinion. We are followers of Jesus, so let’s take Him as a role model. He was far away from being nice when it came to exposing evil.
3) Stop preaching to the choir. I am sick and tired of those “ex-gay trains” where usually pretty much the same speakers address an audience that already knows and shares their views. If you want money for your ministry, say so. Nothing wrong with that. But stop wasting our time and energy. Instead:
4) Fulfill the Great Commandment! Go out and make disciples! Shout our message from the roofs! Expose false teachers wherever you meet them! Don’t be afraid of losing everything – look forward to what you might be gaining!
5) Structures, rules, guidelines and programs of an ex-gay ministry are means to an end – they are NOT the end itself! Our goal is neither fulfilling organizational standards nor “turning gays to straights” – our goal is holiness!
6) Unite! If we are divided, we will not stand. It is not about our individual organizations, it is about saving souls for Christ!
7) If you are out there, be sure you are always prepared and ready. Seek regular accountability and (in case you counsel people) also supervision. Make sure you meet your own physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs! Set up a spiritual structure for your life and follow it no matter what! Know your adversary’s arguments and know how to counter them! Be humble enough to seek other people’s advice and guidance! Inform yourself so you know what you are talking about!
8) Don’t expect the world – or the Church – to be always nice to you. They nailed the Son of God onto the Cross – why would they treat you any differently?
9) There was a time when it was alright for some of us to withdraw into our own save havens – be it support groups, Christian media, churches and the like. This time is over – and the sooner you understand that, the better. We have a mighty enemy, so get into the ring and learn how to fight!
10) Be out there. Be present on all levels and in all areas – media, work, Church, family, politics, legal system, science, whatever. Seek allies. Stay humble. Remember that Christian love is not a fuzzy feeling, but a tough love that tells people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. This is not about Christian wellness, this is a spiritual war. Get your armor on, gather and fight!

Es gibt nun auch solche, die man als "Ex-Ex-Gays" bezeichnet (sie selbst nennen sich unter anderem "Ex-Gay Survivor"). Menschen also, die eine Zeitlang in einer Ex-Gay Einrichtung verbracht haben, an einem Programm teilgenommen haben oder selbst in leitender Funktion dort tätig waren und nun zurück ins homosexuelle Leben gegangen sind.

Soweit, so gut. Wir akzeptieren und respektieren diese Entscheidung. Womit wir aber Probleme haben, ist, dass hier einige Homepages ins Internet stellen, Pressekonferenzen geben usw. und recht schaurige Geschichten über die Zeit in der Ex-Gay Einrichtung erzählen. Wie schlimm es dort zugeht, die seltsamen Methoden, die man dort verwendet und die Nutzlosigkeit des Ganzen.

Irgendwie können einem diese Menschen leid tun. Gut, sie selbst haben es - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - nicht geschafft und sind - aus welchen Gründen auch immer - ins schwule Leben zurück gekehrt. Den schwarzen Peter aber nun den Ex-Gay Ministries zuzuschieben und sich vor der eigenen Verantwortung zu drücken, ist unehrenhaft. Wir gehen auch davon aus, dass selbst Menschen, die solches als Unbeteiligte sehen, durch solche Strategien sehen und die wahren Beweggründe erkennen können. Zuerst Gay, dann Ex-Gay, dann Ex-Ex Gay - wie glaubhaft ist man da noch?

In der Ex-Gay Zeit bewegende Zeugnisse in der Öffentlichkeit geben - und in der Ex-Ex-Gay Zeit dann wieder an die Öffentlichkeit mit ebenso "bewegenden" Botschaften gehen - solche Menschen haben ein Identitätsproblem. Und daran sind nicht Ex-Gay Ministries schuld.

Wir maßen uns nicht an, über solche Menschen zu urteilen. Wir raten jedoch dringend zu einer Zeit der Besinnung und des In-Sich-Gehens, bevor man nahtlos vom einen zum anderen geht. Ein solches Verhalten ist sehr unreif, auch wenn die gefühlte Motivation noch so aufrichtig sein mag.

Trotz allem reichen wir auch solchen Menschen die Hand zur Versöhnung. Wir heißen damit keineswegs ihre Überzeugungen gut und stehen auch weiterhin zu unserer Botschaft, gleichwohl wollen wir durch unser eigenes Beispiel ein Zeugnis der Liebe Jesu geben.

Should we take part in „scientific“ tests that want to (dis-)prove the possibility of change through our physical reactions?

From the bottom of my heart: NO.

Why is that?

There are many reasons for that. In short: You don’t want to go down to that level. Had I heard of ex-gay leaders that do that when I left my gay life, I’d probably not even have given the option of living a life aside from the gay scene a chance. I’ve been there where you show off your thing in public – I did not need to go back and go down to that level again.

Let’s go into detail:

First: Why would you want do that (and in some cases even take money for it!)? Think about the headlines: “Gay leader being paid for showing his thing in public”. You think that would really help the cause?

Maybe you want to do that to give a scientific “proof” for the possibility of change and thus motivate others. Nice motivation, bad thought. First you’d have to prove that you were “homosexual” at first place so you can prove you came out of it and changed to heterosexual. As the causes of “homosexuality” to this day are not even clear, it is impossible to do that. So any attempt to prove the possibility of change is futile from the beginning.

Second: Think about what could go wrong. You might be nervous, you might have a physical disease or what not. All of that could influence and/or distort the outcome – with dramatic consequences for people wanting and seeking change.

For a scientific test to be valid, it would also need to be repeated. How many men do you think can be found willing to do this?

Most of all, however, our goal is NOT to change from “homosexual” to heterosexual, but to become followers of Christ (for the non-Christians: to find freedom from same-sex attractions – however that might look like for the individual).

Do I think that change from “homosexual” to heterosexual is possible? Absolutely. For God all things are possible that might be impossible for men.

But: Who do you need to prove that to? The institutes that do those tests most likely than not are not what you might call “neutral” – else they wouldn’t do the test (see above). I don’t believe Christian scientists or serious secular scientists would do such “experiments”. Gay activists would not be convinced, even if the test would prove what you want it to prove. People that seek help might not be encouraged, but discouraged. Why? Some of them struggled for years to find freedom. Now they hear that this guy has changed a 100 %. I don’t know about you guys, but in my case this would add shame to the guilt. I’d even feel worse than ever before for not having made it yet.

Now just for the sake of the argument let’s assume everything goes according to plan and 100 men do the test and give a “scientific” prove they changed (again: it would not even be scientific at first place because you first need to prove you were “homosexual”). What would that show? That change is possible? So what? It would not be a sign for something being wrong or right from a moral perspective. Even if change would not be possible something could be wrong from a moral perspective. Even if change is possible, it does not make things right (if so, heterosexual men could and maybe even should change to “homosexuals” too).

Again: Do not go down to the level of some gay activists. Neither did Jesus. He was mocked and told to do this and that if He really was the Son of God. He did none of it. It would have been easy to say something like “Just for the record: You see that Temple over here? BOOF! Now you don’t!” or say or do something else to “scientifically prove” He stand above physics and thus is very “likely” to be the Son of God. He did none of it but stayed silent, knowing that people would not even believe then. Even the miracles He did perform were done to show people the importance of faith and not to show what a great magician Jesus really was. He did not need to prove anything to anybody. If people did not come to Him by faith, there is no point for them to follow Him anyways. Jesus even called those blessed that do not see and still believe. That should teach us a lesson.

Finally: As every good Christian we should surround ourselves with good and healthy Christian men that walk with us through life and encourage and/or exhort us and help us find the right decisions. God pointed out several times that our hearts are deceitful and we should not trust them. For us alone it is impossible to find out which ones of the many voices we get to hear each day are from God and which from the other side. In important matters – and taking such tests as men who have responsibilities certainly is an important matter – we should listen to the advice of our friends and also the advice and opinion of the people we work together with in a ministry and/or church congregation. Else we are very prone to fall for pride and arrogance (“Had I always listened to others, I’d have never achieved what I did achieve!” – Really? If there is something good we did achieve we did so through the blessings of God and through His sanctifying work). Works of the flesh (like pride) will never bring forth fruits of the Spirit. As believers in Jesus we are not individuals cut off from the rest – we are part of the body of Christ and should act like that.

Rob

Attacking Gay Activists and Fighting for Ex-Gay Rights?

Sounds good to me. But, why is it so awfully quiet out there? Thankfully there are organizations like Voice of the Voiceless that face gay activists head on and stand up for ex-gay rights. What about all the other ex-gays though? What about the Church? Silence.

Bing German, I find that very interesting. Not so long ago we had times where many Germans – and the rest of the world – stayed silent too when the Jews where being taken away. Why bother? I ain’t no Jew. Even most of the Jews stayed rather passive and offered no resistance (not that I reproach them that). Like sheep being taken to the slaughterhouse.

How is it we get paralyzed like deer standing in the flashlight of a car as soon as times get rougher?

How is it people who formerly self-identified as “gay” and found freedom later on stay silent and hide?

Most in the Church probably think that’s none of their business. Let the gays do what they want. We don’t have that problem.

Really? Each Church from a certain size on has that “problem”. And even if they don’t – you cannot escape a political force anymore that is strong enough to bring the mightiest men in the world to their knees. Why stop at churches? Why not force them to allow gays on their staff, to perform gay weddings? Not to even mention what’s behind the curtain once the gay kid is out.

As to the ex-gays themselves: Well, I guess you can find a thousand good reasons why you are not the right guy to stand up for ex-gays and share the joy and freedom that the Lord has blessed you so richly with.

But there is one good reason not to: Jesus.

If we call ourselves followers of Jesus, we need to accept His radical call for discipleship. “Follow me” is a battle cry, not an invitation to come and watch a nice church program. He called us to hold unto Him – even unto death! And He warned us never to deny Him!

I remember a Bible study I did years ago. We talked about the persecution of Christians in the last days as I wanted to make sure that each one that passes my Bible studies should be prepared if that day comes up. One lady said, “Why, there is no way I can withstand persecution! I am too scared!” I told her I was scared too and I shared a story of the early martyrs that has been passed on through the centuries.

Beneath the circus of Rome Christians were held in captivity waiting to be taken up and fed to the lions. Among them a pregnant woman. When she got in labor pains she started to scream as the pain was so intense. One of the guards said, “If you scream like that already now, wait till you are up there with the lions!” She answered, “Now it is me that suffers, up there it will be Christ suffering in me”.

That’s how I feel about it. There is no way I can withstand the devil and his followers through my own force. I am certainly not the guy to do that. But, when the day comes, I know that Jesus is with me. I need not suffer alone.

“Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” (Col 1:24 NIV)

Robert

How do we deal with attacks from the world?

It is quite common that Christian (or non-Christian) ex-gay ministries are under attack. Lots of people do not like what we are doing because if there is one, only one person that has successfully managed to leave his or her gay life and find freedom from same-sex attractions, then you do not have an excuse anymore for not doing the same or calling what you are doing “natural” as you cannot change your ways anyway.

Gay activists, politicians, even church folks, family members, celebrities – lots of them have something against us. They might threaten us, insult us, take us to court, raise the whole world against us or whatever else is in their minds. So how deal with that?

Let’s start with how not to deal with it: You do not counter worldly attacks by becoming like the world and using worldly means. If you organize your ministry like any other worldly company, where is the difference? You enter their game, you play their game.

You do not win people for your cause by using worldly fundraising methods (like whining and begging with subtle and not-so-subtle means).

You do not win them over by praising yourself and pointing out what a good person you are.

And you do not counter attacks by defending and justifying yourself and your ministry all the time and throwing a pitty party once things get rough. They nailed the Son of God onto the Cross – why should they treat us differently? I don’t want a crown of jewels for myself when my Lord wore a crown of thorns.

So what to do?

Well, let’s take a look on what Jesus did. That should be a pretty good source and role model to begin with.

He did not use tricky means or whine to get people to donate Him money so He can hire more apostles. He did not point out what a great job He is doing to impress rich donors. Actually, from a fundraiser’s point of view and for publicity reasons He could not have done any worse than by what He did: Using absolute “losers” or “no-names” as apostles, saying and doing the most inappropriate things at the wrong time, getting in trouble with the big shots, talking in offensive ways or in ways hard to understand, doing things that ticked lots of them off…

Jesus did not figure out the best ways to counter attacks. He did what He did – knowing that would get Him into deep trouble.

So what does that mean for us?

We do the same. We do not focus on who will or might attack us and how to counter those attacks. We do not whine and beg for money once they happen (and just for the record: there is nothing wrong with accepting donations. But begging and focusing on the money certainly is). We focus on God – and Him alone. We do what is the right thing to do and put our trust a 100% in Him. We give Him praise and show people through our own example what a better alternative looks like. We become the sign of contradiction in a world that goes with the flow. We give Him our everything and love Him and our neighbor like ourselves. We go out and make disciples.

This might sound radical to some, but Jesus did ask us to give our everything. He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it. And if we are under attack, we will love our aggressors even more. They might rob us of everything – including money – but that will only free us to show them that we love and follow our Lord even more so. We do not follow the world and worldly things. Being followers of Christ, we are new creations and made of different stuff. We do not “take care” of the “marginalized” by raising costly ministries and hiring staff and lawyers, but by being with them and by serving and loving them like Christ would.

We do not focus on the attacks, but on our Lord and how we best serve Him by serving the least of our brothers.

We are just crazy enough to believe what He said.

Rob