|Posted on September 18, 2014 at 10:15 AM|
From a member of our online group:
"I can only speak for myself, I knew from a young age that experiencing SSA was anything but normal for everyone else. Why would I chose to be this way, but somehow it seemed to be who I was, it didn't seemed that I had any choice. I lived for years (decades) hating who I was. There wasn't a moment of any day where I didn't feel deeply sad and broken. I eventually gave up the fight to be normal, like other men, realising that there was nothing that I could do to change, so I decide to embrace the lifestyle, thinking that this would set me free, but instead I found my world spiralling further downward and out of control. Brief sexual encounters and pornography would cover the pain of my life for a while, but soon the rush of guilt and shame flooded over me once more. I would spend nights depressed, hating and ashamed of who I was and who I had become, an addict to lust and brief illicit encounters which promised hope and love for a moment but no matter how I indulged the sadness and emptiness of my soul never could be filled. At night I would lay on my bed and want to die from the loneliness that I lived no matter how many encounters I had during that day, and I would hate myself more for being so broken.
Then one day God spoke into my life, through the story in Mark 5:24-34 a women who had suffered with an illness for many years who was healed by just touching Jesus cloak, I knew if I could touch god that he could heal me, I heard him speak to my heart "do you want to be healed?", all I could hope for was that He would heal me. And that began my journey to where I am today. It has been a long journey back from my brokenness.
I can honestly say that I never believed that it could be true for me that I would finally find happiness and contentment in living the life I now live. I have walked away from homosexuality and I have gotten my life back. I no longer live with the deep sadness that characterised my life before, it has been replaced by peace and love, and confidence and unspeakable joy, where once I was living but dead, and now I am alive to the very core of my being. God has saved me from a prison that I believe il would never escape...... tony"
(used with permission)
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