Jason International

I have always been somewhat of a stranger to you, at least from about 12yrs onwards, though you may have thought otherwise. Sorry for the secrets which I kept from you. I couldn't see how I could share my thoughts and feelings as so many if them were outrageously negative towards you. Such misunderstanding. I blamed you for mom's misery. You seemed oblivious or to not respect her enough to care.

I withheld, I hid and I scorned

I privately wished you weren't there

What a thing to say.

I didnt want you around

I wanted you gone

Shameful to admit but I judged you so wrong.

Through the eyes of a child I did not comprehend

The nature of sorrow and the grief that life sends.

Just saw my lost mom in deep agony;

So I killed all your love and your strong image in me.

My heart became blind to the dad I once knew

By the flick of a switch by the turn of a screw.

Away from the light and the air it was hidden

No chance for a word or an explanation was given.

Its takes a big heart to hear, to ponder, to forgive

But I trust in your love as I stand

as a man

Coming out from my cowardice and all of the sham.

I masqueraded as a son without a bother

When deep inside I'd lost my father.

My hidden self, for you, may be hard to learn

But dont see it as the end

'Cause to find you again

is so much that I yearn..

So stay with me a while as I unearth all the rocks

which your love they do fiercely and mercilessly cover..

till my pure love for you I at last would recover.

Thank you for the amends you made at the end

A touch of the Divine..could you be my friend?

I thank God for your life

though the work incomplete,

we had only begun

when you went from this world and your saviour to meet.

While I managed to broach the subject in part

In terms as our journey it was only the start.

So with help from my brothers and the Spirit of God

And because of what I know of your compassionate heart;

I will set to prepare my heart till we meet

Again, and the love released in our hearts is complete.

So I wanted you gone at some point in the past

But in this path's assignments

we' ll redeem what was lost.

And I pray to our Father

we're soon to discover,

The love a true father and son

might have for each other.

(From a member of the Homosexuals Anonymous online group. Used with permission).

My father was a good provider . He worked two and three jobs to provide for us . We had clothes, a nice home , vacations , meals , etc . He was a good man that way . My father had a bad side too him that no one outside the home knew about for years . He had a terrible temper . Dad , you would call me some horrible curse words and terrible things . Dad , you

talked to me , my brothers and your wife like some piece of garbage out in the street , not to mention you where physically abuse .I watched you hit my mother in the face one day, i watch you push my grandmother on the floor . This went on for over 30 years . Dad you always told us never to lie and actually the consequences for lies would be terrible . Yet dad you lied constantly in your life . Friends and family knew you to be someone that lied a lot. It was not till the past five years that people outside our home found out just how you where . For years they always thought you where such a great guy . Until 5 years ago no one knew of your temper and mouth . Several years ago i almost had to call the police on you . Thank god it didnt come to that . I thank god the past year has been much better and thats all behind us . You still lie a lot and we all just deal with it but the verbal

and physical abuse is over . I learned to forgive and forget. I love you as a father and glad you are here in my life.

(From a member of the Homosexuals Anonymous online group. Used with permission).