Jason

Christian Ex-Gay Ministry

Kinder & Jugendliche

Dr. med. R. Febres Landauro:

Oft gestellte Fragen über Kinder & Jugendliche

In der Kindheit wird der Grundstein für eine gesunde Sicht der eigenen Geschlechts-Identität gelegt. Fast alle Homosexuellen berichten über negative Erfahrungen in frühen Jahren. Ein warmherziges, christliches Familienleben, das den Kindern entsprechende Werte vermittelt, ist unabdingbar für eine positive spätere Entwicklung. Hier also Grundsätzliches zum Thema Kinder/Jugendliche und "Homosexualität" sowie zum Thema Kinder und Jugendliche allgemein - aus christlicher Sicht.



Auf diesen Seiten finden sich viele Links und Hinweise auf Organisationen jeglicher Art. Diese Hinweise bedeuten nicht zwangsweise, dass diese Organisationen auch Jason unterstützen. Wir haben sie ausgewählt, da sie entweder direkt mit dem Thema verbunden sind oder nützlich sind für Betroffene. Wir sehen uns solidarisch mit ihnen und möchten sie auf diese Weise kostenlos unterstützen, indem wir Werbung für sie machen. Um sie richtig darzustellen, haben wir für die Selbstbeschreibung teilweise ihre eigenen Worte und teilweise auch Artikel verwendet. Sollte irgendjemand dies nicht wünschen, bitten wir um ein kurzes Email und wir werden die betroffenen Stellen natürlich sofort entfernen.

Vorbilder

Was Jungs heutzutage fehlt, sind wirkliche Vorbilder. Männer, an denen sie sich orientieren können. Sei es zuhause (der eigene Vater), in den Medien oder in der Schule. Man ermutigt sie vielleicht sogar, ihre "feminine" Seite zu zeigen. Androgyne Typen dienen manchmal als Vorbilder. Manche wollen Jungs vielleicht sogar dazu ermutigen, sich als "gay" zu identifizieren oder es doch einfach mal auszuprobieren. Manch einer denkt vielleicht sogar, die Angst vor dem ersten Geschlechtsverkehr mit einer Frau wäre weniger groß, wenn man es vorher einmal mit einem Menschen des eigenen Geschlechts ausprobiert hat (eine Einstellung, die wir als Christen zutiefst ablehnen!). Wie sollen sich Jungs da noch zurecht finden? Wie sollen da jemals richtige Männer aus ihnen werden?


It's Coming up...

It is always interesting to hear that most boys do not want those homosexual feelings once they feel they are coming up in early youth. And this is nothing that you can simply blame society for. The concept of heterosexuality seems to be so deeply written in our true selves that everything inside of us revolts when "those feelings" are coming up. Just as we react with shame and guilt once we yield to those feelings. And again: we can't just blame society for that. Something deep inside of us seems to know from the very beginning which way we should go and which way not.

Really interesting.

 

Tips für Eltern

1) Sprechen Sie mit Ihrem Kind! Natürlich ist es schwer, das Thema Sexualität anzuschneiden, es ist aber wichtig, dass Sie mit Ihrem Kind darüber reden!

2) Sprechen Sie mit Ihrem Kind auch über das, was es tagtäglich im Fernsehen, in Zeitungen oder sonst wo zu hören und zu sehen bekommt!

3) Sollten Sie einen Computer mit Internetanschluss haben, installieren Sie einen Internetfilter!

4) Wenn Ihr Kind online geht, lassen Sie es nicht alleine vor dem Computer!


 

Ihr spielt mit der Angst der Menschen! Ein junger Mensch im Coming-Out muss sich hier ja furchtbar fühlen!


Uns zu unterstellen, wir würden - bewusst oder unbewusst - mit der Angst anderer Menschen "spielen", ist weder begründet noch in unseren Augen fair.

Wir überlassen jedem Menschen die freie Entscheidung darüber, wie er oder sie sein/ihr Leben führen möchte. Angesichts der Flut von pro-gay Artikeln, Literatur und Materialien sollte man uns aber doch das Recht zugestehen, eine andere - eigene - Meinung zu vertreten, die sich gerade auch auf unsere eigenen Erfahrungen gründet.

Manch ein Homosexueller mag nun einwenden, es lassen sich auch zwischen Schwulen "verantwortungsvolle" Beziehungen wie zwischen Heterosexuellen gestalten und hier ein anderes Bild zeichnen zu wollen, sei nicht in Ordnung.

Natürlich gibt es auch "monogame" und langfristige homosexuelle Beziehungen, ohne extremere sexuelle Spielarten.

Die Probleme hierbei:

- Derartige Beziehungen wären aus unserer Sicht ebensowenig zu befürworten.

- Derartige Beziehungen sind sehr selten. Die durchschnittliche homosexuelle Beziehung ist weit weniger monogam und weitaus kurzfristiger als die durchschnittliche heterosexuelle (wobei die Heterosexuellen hier gewaltig aufholen...). Ebenso sind in der durchschnittlichen homosexuellen Beziehung extremere sexuelle Spielarten zu finden als in der durchschnittlich heterosexuellen (auch hier holen Heterosexuelle leider auf).

- Uns liegt keineswegs daran, nur die extremen homosexuellen Spielarten herauszupicken. Allerdings halten wir es für unsere Aufgabe als Christen, Menschen, die sich in einer Entscheidungsphase befinden, auf weltliche wie christliche Aspekte hinzuweisen, die sie wohl sonst nicht hören würden. Dieses Recht sollte uns doch zugestanden werden!

- Die Motivation unsererseits ist hierbei nicht, Menschen "Angst" zu machen, sondern ihnen deutlich zu machen, dass es noch einen anderen Weg gibt, als die eigenen gleichgeschlechtlichen Emfpindungen auszuleben!

 

Warum soll man Menschen nicht so annehmen, wie sie sind?

Natürlich soll man Menschen so annehmen wie sie sind. Die Frage ist nur, was man darunter versteht. Wenn ein Mensch gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen hat, soll man ihn selbstverständlich als Menschen annehmen, wertschätzen und lieben. Das heißt aber keineswegs, dass ich als Christ das Ausleben dieser Neigungen gutheißen oder gar fördern muss. Für Christen - und zwar für alle Christen unabhängig von ihren Neigungen! - gelten die Gebote Gottes. Das heißt, dass wir bestimmte moralische Standards und Richtlinien für unser Leben haben. Nirgendwo in der Bibel steht, dass man dieses und jenes nicht tun soll, außer man hat bestimmte Neigungen dafür. Wir alle haben Versuchungen, mit denen wir zu kämpfen haben. Was für eine Lebenseinstellung wäre es, einfach nur seinen Versuchungen nachzugeben, weil sie eben da sind!

Als Christen sind wir auch der festen Überzeugung, dass niemand Schaden nimmt, wenn er/sie die Gebote Gottes befolgt. Ebenso ist es uns aufgetragen, unsere Kinder im christlichen Glauben zu erziehen. Gerade weil wir sie lieben, werden und können wir nicht einfach so Dinge gutheißen, die unserem Glauben widersprechen und von denen wir der Ansicht sind, dass sie letztlich negative spirituelle (und möglicherweise auch negative psychische und körperliche) Konsequenzen haben werden. Gott lässt sich nicht verspotten. Auch sind wir uns bewusst, dass Er uns bestimmte Gebote nicht deshalb gegeben hat, weil Er uns gerne herum kommandiert, sondern weil Er uns liebt und weiß, wohin es führt, wenn wir unser Gesicht von Ihm abwenden.

 

A Letter to a teen (from the Homosexuals Anonymous online group):

Hi guys,
I mentioned about a teen in our church that had come out and said he was gay.
I was trying to figure out what to say to him, and while I was doing that, he moved out of his mom's house and moved to his Dad's house in Georgia. I have really felt that I needed to say something to him about his SSA so this is the letter that I sent him on Facebook today.
I decided to leave out my own struggles for now.
Todd

M,
How are you doing? I see that you are living in Georgia now?!?! How did that happen? I knew you had moved out from your mom's but, Georgia seems like a hike from NJ.

I follow your posts on Facebook. I saw you had some big news that you announced. You announced that you believe you are gay. If it's ok, I would like to talk with you about that. If not, then that's ok, too. Either way, it doesn't change my ongoing interest in how you are doing nor my desire to see God's best for you.

I think you are absolutely right when you said in one of your posts, that no one can change anyone else. My intention is to not say you have to change, but I would like to present to you maybe something you haven't heard before and to hear back from you what you think about it. Again, after you read the remainder of this note if you do not wish to continue this discussion, I respect you enough as a human being that I can accept that without rejecting you.

Not sure where to start, so I guess I will just jump in with both feet here. I know you have heard a lot about accepting your feelings and embracing your attractions, defining yourself by them. But I am wondering if you have ever heard about those who have had the same attractions you have and have said that they felt that God had a different plan for them and so instead of embracing those attractions, they sought to respond to them in a different way. With help many were able to find a life of joy that they felt more accurately reflected who, they felt, they were inside.

I remember when you came home from a youth retreat and gave testimony about how God had touched your body. Do you still believe that he did that? Do you still believe that he has a plan for your life? Do you believe that he cares for you and wants what is best for you?
If you say yes to any of those things, then would you be open to consider that maybe there is a different way to respond to the attractions you feel? That possibly God's plan for your life may be bigger than the attractions you feel?

No one can say what God's plan for your life is, you need to wrestle with that with God. But if you are open I would be willing to help you find someone who is not religiously based and understands same sex attractions and has talked to many men who both have questioned their sexuality as well as decided later to embrace their sexuality. If you have ever questioned your attractions, it is worth trying to settle any doubts either one way or the other.

So I am curious to know what you think about all this.
I am sure you have probably heard a lot of comments from people, so I hope as you read this you really see my sincere care for you.
I look forward to hearing back from you and hearing all about your adventures in Georgia.
Todd

(May 15th, 2013)

Why Is This Child Different From Most Other Children?
Ten Questions & Answers For a Parent of a Homosexual Child

(*NOTE: Deep appreciation to Rabbi Samuel Rosenberg,L.C.S.W., Clinical Director of JONAH, and to my Co-Director, Arthur A. Goldberg, for their help with this article. JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, can be reached by telephone at 201-433-3444 and on the Internet at www.Jonahweb.org.)

“Gender, that deep sense or essence within us that reflects our
biological sex, is absolutely fundamental to our humanity.”
- Janelle Hallman

OK. You may have always suspected something, but now you know. Your child is self-identified as “gay.” You try to bargain with God, you cry, you rage, you deny – but you can’t run away from the pain that has gripped you ever since your child told you the news.

Why did this happen to your child? In today’s politically correct culture, the “experts” tell us that he/she was born that way, but in your heart and soul you know that isn’t true and that something went wrong in your family. Is it your fault? Is it your child’s fault? Is it anyone’s fault? Bottom line, what can and should you do about the situation?

Every day, anguished Jewish parents (as well as parents in every other societal group) around the globe ask themselves these questions as they go through the torment of learning about their child’s involvement with homosexuality. One of the worst aspects of this family problem is the common advice that parents must accept their child “for who they are” and there is nothing they can do. Even worse is the mistaken notion that reparative/change/reorientation therapy can actually harm their child. Nothing is further from the truth.

Politically astute gay activists have changed the way society views homosexuality in less than four decades. To their credit, gay activists have brought the issues surrounding homosexuality out of the closet. While this is good, the callous myths that homosexuality is inborn, benign, and unchangeable are absolutely false. Homosexual attractions are the result of childhood wounds which arrested a child’s psycho-sexual development. JONAH’s multi-faceted program (outlined below) offers great hope that your child can grow out of homosexuality and into the God-given heterosexuality which was his/her birthright. Please go to the Library Section of JONAH’s web site, Jonahweb.org, for a more complete discussion of this Model:

JONAH’S PSYCHO-EDUCATIONAL MODEL FOR HEALING HOMOSEXUALITY involves:

Bibliotherapy
Healing of the Family System
Jewish Spiritual Development
Masculinity Development & Empowerment
Networking, Support Groups, Daily Internet E-mail Listserve
Overcoming Shame & Narcissism
Receiving Healthy Touch & Affection
Experiential Healing Weekends
Individual Psychotherapy
Mentoring

JONAH is frequently asked these ten common questions. The answers below can help start a parent on the long, difficult, but ultimately rewarding quest of learning why their child feels same-sex attractions and what can be done about changing this painful truth.


QUESTION ONE: WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO MY CHILD?

ANSWER: The good news is that your child was born, like all children, to develop into a heterosexual; the bad news is that your child suffered emotional wounds in his/her childhood that blocked his/her innate capacity to grow into heterosexuality. The specific issues for each individual will depend on the totality of his/her environment

As Richard Cohen tells us in his book, Coming Out Straight, same-sex attractions (SSA) are symptoms of underlying wounds. They represent an inappropriate response to conflicts in the present, a way to medicate pain and discomfort, unresolved childhood trauma, archaic emotions, frozen feelings, wounds that never healed. They also represent a reparative drive to fulfill unmet homo-emotional love needs of the past – an unconscious drive for greater bonding with the same-sex parent.

Very briefly, homosexuality is not about sex, but is rather an emotionally-based condition consisting of the following three subconscious drives:

Need for greater attachment to the same-sex parent and less attachment to the
opposite sex parent
Need for stronger gender identification
Fear of sexual or emotional intimacy with the opposite sex.


QUESTION TWO: DO LESBIANS AND GAY MEN DEAL WITH THE SAME
UNDERLYING ISSUES?

ANSWER: Some of the issues underlying male and female homosexuality are the same, but others are different. Here is an outline of the key elements underlying male and female same-sex attraction (SSA). For lesbianism, I will quote Janelle Hallman, a therapist noted for specializing in lesbian issues:

The Most Frequently Reported Elements of the Lesbian Struggle:

A strained, detached or missing bond and/or attachment with mother WITHOUT an available mother substitute, resulting in a fear of abandonment and need for secure attachment;
The presence of disrespect or abuse at the hands of a male, resulting in a fear or hatred of men;
Few if any girlhood/adolescent same-sex friendships, resulting in a need for acceptance,
belonging and fun;
A sense of emptiness or identity confusion in lieu of a full and rich identity, resulting in a need for self and gender identity.

Common Root Problems of the Male Homosexual Struggle:
( A complete discussion of these issues can be found on the web site: peoplecanchange.com.)

- Feelings of masculine deficiency;
Idealization of other males and maleness; same-sex peer wounds;
Fear of men, estrangement from men, disassociation from maleness;
Overidentification with the feminine;
Over-sensitivity; body image wounds
Father hunger; mother enmeshment;
Shame, secrecy, self-loathing, isolation, loneliness;
Touch deprivation;
Spiritual emptiness.


QUESTION THREE: WHAT ARE THE FIRST STEPS I SHOULD TAKE TO HELP
MY FAMILY COPE WITH THIS PROBLEM?

ANSWER: Homosexuality is a systemic problem involving family, extended family, school environment, peers, etc. You should never ostracize your child nor should you blame your child. Each member of the family needs to do his/her part in healing the family system.
Family therapy and/or spiritual counseling will help to educate the members of the family in how to set up new and better relationships. Whether your child chooses to leave homosexuality or not, strengthening the family is a worthwhile goal. The lines of communication between parent and child should always be open. Many families find an improvement in their relationship with their child as a result of this “big secret” finally being out in the open. Parents don’t have to accept homosexual behavior, but they do need to always love and accept their child.

Bibliotherapy is JONAH’s term for educating yourself about the issues underlying SSA and we believe this is a critical first step. Homosexuality is complex, caused by a variety of factors and often misunderstood by most therapists, doctors, teachers, and the general community. Therefore, parents need to read extensively until they understand the common causes of homosexual attractions and which of these apply to their son or daughter. For those who don’t enjoy reading, there are cassette tapes and videos available. The following web sites display extensive information about SSA and recommend the books, cassettes, and videos that will give you the education you need in order to help your child:

Jonahweb.org (Jewish)
NARTH.com (Scientific and Educational)
Peoplecanchange.com (Non-Denominational)
Gaytostraight.org. (Non-Denominational).


QUESTION FOUR: WHAT ARE THE LONG TERM GOALS OF A HEALING PROGRAM?

ANSWER: Remember that your child has probably been feeling tremendous conflict and anxiety for years before you found out about his/her SSA. We have found there is a process involved in coming to terms with this issue. The following suggestions have worked for other parents who have faced this problem:

Educate yourself about the causes of homosexuality and the strategies used to grow out of same-sex attraction.
The same-sex parent should become more involved with the child feeling SSA while the opposite-sex parent should step back and encourage the growth of the same-sex parent’s relationship with the child.
Seek counseling for you and your family with a gender-affirming therapist.
Understand that you probably will go through a process of grieving, followed by healing, and finally acceptance and understanding.
Tell a few close relatives or friends about the problem so you can confide in someone about the pain and confusion you feel. Choose your confidants carefully so you do not choose someone who has accepted the gay activist’s mythology.
Seek out group support and networking with others who have faced your problem. JONAH can help with referrals to appropriate resources.
Speak with a Rabbi or spiritual advisor to help you come to terms with your relationship to God and the anguish you feel.
Understand that whether your child chooses to grow out of homosexuality or not, you can keep your family together and have more trusting and vital relationships.
Expect your family’s healing process to take time – there are no “quick fixes.”


QUESTION FIVE: WHAT SHOULD I NOT DO?

ANSWER: There are a number of caveats that are supported by most individuals and organizations that work in this field. Some are common sense and some have been gleaned by long years of experience:

Never ostracize your child. He/she did not choose to have SSA.
Don’t try to convince your child that he/she must change – it doesn’t work because a person needs internal motivation to undertake this difficult journey.
Don’t focus on this issue when you are with your child because he/she is much more than a person with homosexual issues.
Don’t try to make your child feel guilty; don’t take a burden of guilt on yourself either.
SSA resulted from the combination of his/her individual temperament, the relationships within the family, and the totality of his/her environment. Everyone in the family (including siblings) needs to assume some responsibility for repairing the broken relationships and forging healthier family dynamics.


QUESTION SIX: WHAT DOES “CHANGE” MEAN IN RELATION TO GROWING
OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY?

ANSWER: Growing out of homosexuality rarely means that the person will never again experience a homosexual thought or attraction. We must learn to stop treating those who feel SSA as “different kinds of persons.” We understand that recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, obesity, heterosexual promiscuity, etc., doesn’t mean the person will never be tempted again. So, too, many recovered homosexuals feel overwhelmed at times of stress and desire a “quick fix” to solve their problems. However, if they understand their “trigger points” and disengage them, they generally can resist such impulses.

Fantasizing or acting on homosexual impulses has been the way these individuals handled stress and feelings of inadequacy in the past, so at times they may briefly fall back to old habits of thinking and feeling. The difference will be that now they understand their homosexual feelings are symptoms of underlying emotional issues they need to address. Fantasizing or acting on those homosexual impulses will not solve their problems – in fact, acting out usually makes things worse because acting out covers up the real issues affecting their lives. Growth out of homosexuality or “change” will be different for each man or woman who makes the journey. Some will never have a homosexual feeling again; some will frequently struggle to overcome their attractions and/or compulsions; most will fall in between these two extremes.


QUESTION SEVEN: WHY DO NUMEROUS THERAPISTS, DOCTORS, RABBIS, TEACHERS, AND MEMBERS OF THE JEWISH COMMUNITY EMBRACE THE THEORY THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS INBORN AND UNCHANGEABLE?

ANSWER: Gay activism has done an excellent job of convincing the public. Not only do they confuse political and personal goals, but most distressingly they wrongly label those who have a principled disagreement with them as homophobic. Many professionals in the therapeutic field are skeptical about gay activist claims, but are afraid of being called intolerant, non-inclusive or homophobic if they speak up or protest.

In the personal sphere, each man or woman who feels SSA should be treated with the same dignity and compassion we feel for anyone with an emotional problem – which includes everyone of us at some point in our lives. However, to say that a problem like SSA is normal and merely an alternative lifestyle is the equivalent of saying that obesity or alcoholism is normal.

In the political sphere the gay activists have also gone too far and have almost succeeded in deconstructing the male/female design of God, nature, and evolution. We Jews were the first to proclaim that the nuclear family should be the basic building block of society. Numerous groups seek to overturn the Torah prohibition against the practice of homosexuality and accept such behavior as normal and unchangeable.

As parents who admit that we inadvertently played a role in our children feeling same-sex attraction, we must stand together and educate the Jewish community and the larger community about the prevention, intervention, and treatment of homosexuality. Our children, and all children, deserve to know the truth about this important issue.


QUESTION EIGHT: WHAT DOES JUDAISM SAY ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY AND
IS IT STILL RELEVENT IN THE MODERN WORLD?
(For a fuller discussion of this question, please see the Rabbinical Commentary Section of Jonahweb.org.)

ANSWER: JONAH’s philosophy is consistent with the Torah’s approach to homosexuality. There is no word in the Torah for a homosexual, although there are words for homosexual behavior, which leads us to believe that the Torah sets forth an understanding that homosexuality is neither inborn nor an identity. The Jewish literature is replete with examples of accepting and loving the person who feels same-sex attractions while not accepting the undesirable behavior.

Accepting a person’s same-sex attractions as inborn and unchangeable does great harm to the individual, the family, and the community. There is absolutely no reliable proof that homosexuality is inborn so to tell young people who feel same-sex attractions they were born that way and have no choice to grow out of homosexuality is simply cruel and untrue. Same-sex attractions are just one of the many life-damaging conditions we all must learn to overcome.

In Judaism, teshuvah (repentance and return) is available to all of us. We must reach out to those feeling SSA, welcome them into the Jewish community, and educate them about their ability to grow out of homosexuality.


QUESTION NINE: WHAT PROFESSIONAL RESOURCES ARE AVAILABLE?

ANSWER: JONAH is constantly expanding its world-wide list of referrals and resources. Please call our Message Line at 201-433-3444 for recommendations in the following categories:

Individual and/or family therapy with those committed to gender affirmative psychotherapy.
Support groups
Experiential Healing Week-ends for individuals, couples, and families
Teleconferencing classes for individuals, parents, therapists, and couples
Educational books, articles, and tapes
Seminars and conferences helpful to parents dealing with homosexuality.


QUESTION TEN: IT SEEMS SO DIFFICULT TO GROW OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY, IS IT WORTH THE STRUGGLE?

ANSWER: While we cannot answer that question for any particular individual, we can tell the truth about homosexuality so that the individual is enabled to choose his/her own path based on facts, not myths. Some will choose not to start the journey, some will only be able to journey part of the way, some will be able to complete the journey. Many who complete the journey will reach back to help others. As one inspiring response to this question, here are the words of Jeffrey Burke Satinover, M.D., who is a member of JONAH’s Advisory Board:

“I have been extraordinarily fortunate to have met many people who have emerged from the gay life. When I see the personal difficulties they have squarely faced, the sheer courage they have displayed not only in facing these difficulties but also in confronting a culture that uses every possible means to deny the validity of their values, goals, and experiences, I truly stand back in wonder. Certainly they have forced me by the simple testimony of their lives to return again and again to my own self-examination. It is these people – former homosexuals and those still struggling, all across America and abroad – who stand for me as a model of everything good and possible in a world that takes the human heart, and the God of that heart, seriously. In my various explorations within the worlds of psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, and psychiatry, I have simply never before seen such profound healing.

Because it is not really a battle over mere sexuality, but rather over which spirit shall claim our allegiance, the cultural and political battle over homosexuality has become in many respects the defining moment for our society. It has implications that go far beyond the surface matter of “gay rights.” And so the more important dimension of this battle is not the political one, it is the one for the individual human soul. It would be easy in this modern era, when our vision for things invisible is so easily blinded by the dazzling allure of our material accomplishment, to not even take the soul – and her loving, watchful, worried shepherd – seriously. But the soul that emerges in the lives of those who have successfully struggled with homosexuality, and the soul that is in the process of emerging in those who struggle still, is so beautiful that at one stroke her emergence into sight, even dimly, simply shatters the false dazzle of modernity.

And so, as dangerous a moment as this one may be, when so much of our inheritance stands in the balance, there is great hope as well. Slowly but surely, the great truths that have embodied themselves in the lives of these men and women – after terrible struggle – will be made widely known. More and more people will themselves gain the courage to return home from their long and fruitless wanderings in the wasteland of modern sophistication, however painful that return may be. It is our joyful duty to stand waiting, with open arms, remembering that we too are journeying home.” (Dr. Jeffrey Satinover: Postscript: Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth)

Raising a child in a proper way is very important.via Wake Up World

Posted by Lifehack on Samstag, 18. Juli 2015
A Letter to Mom and Dad Concerning Childhood Wounds

Author: Stephen

(Posted March 2011)

[Introduction by JONAH's Co-Director, Elaine Silodor Berk: This powerful and heartfelt letter was read by Stephen to his parents with great trepidation. In preparing to confront his parents about his childhood pain and subsequent same-sex attraction (SSA), Stephen experienced some physical and emotional difficulties. Nevertheless, his strength and courage enabled him to face his fears and explain to his parents where he was at and what he wanted. In that process, he was comforted and encouraged by JONAH's co-director, Arthur Goldberg. When he gave JONAH permission to print his letter, Stephen thanked Arthur for the help and encouragement Arthur had given him on his journey out of unwanted SSA and especially for Arthur's mentoring on how to approach his parents. He also commented that putting together the letter set forth below was "probably the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life."

Stephen's Dad was very stoic as the letter was read to him. But by the next morning, Dad had begun to internalize and recognize the importance of Stephen's efforts to tear down the walls of detachment that separated father and son. Stephen reported that Dad called him to express his deep sorrow about the past, indicating that Dad had truly heard what Stephen was expressing in his letter, and then - for the first time in Stephen's life - expressed an authentic emotion to Stephen. While asking Stephen for forgiveness, Dad's sadness became evident. He cried as he said, "I'm so sorry I treated you this way, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Thankfully, the vow of Stephen's Dad to forge a better relationship with his son in whatever form it needs to take, has, to date, been most encouraging and father and son are intensely working together to overcome their mutual past detachment from each other.]

March 10, 2010

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have written a letter that I need to read to you as it is important for me to tell you about my struggles in life. I believe you may be unaware of some of them. I needed to write this out so I can present it to you in a somewhat organized way.

Please know that I anticipate this being the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and very well may be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to hear and deal with. I fully expect that you will experience a range of emotions as I read this; you may be sad, angry, or fearful about hearing what I have to say. While I welcome any emotions you need to express, I need to make it clear that I want you both to listen to this entire letter before you actually say anything or attempt to respond. Do I have your word that you will remain quiet and listen until I have finished reading everything I have written?

Dad: this letter is primarily written to you. I know that I have recently expressed to you the deep depression I experienced as a young child and as a teenager; I understand that you have apologized for not recognizing these experiences. However, I believe that you don’t fully understand all that I felt and the depth of my pain. To put it simply and bluntly, starting at age 7, I spent just about every day of my life feeling a depth of sadness that I can only compare to what a person feels when they attend a funeral of someone they loved very much. I was desperate to be understood, specifically from the person who was supposed to be my male role model. I needed to know that you were there for me emotionally, something I regrettably never felt.

While I don’t remember exactly how much I cried growing up, I do remember fighting back tears just about every moment of my young life. Whenever those tears flowed, it was simply because I could not bottle them up any longer. My sadness needed to be released.

There is an instance that you may not even remember, but it was a very significant moment in my life. It was a turning point, a moment in which I completely stopped trusting you to be there for me in my emotional anguish. You were driving, your mother was sitting next to you, I was in the back seat sitting behind you and Graham was to my right. We were on our way to one of his baseball games, and it was a particularly hard day for me. I simply could not hold my tears back and they were slowly rolling down my face. I remember you looking at me in the rear-view mirror and very coldly and flatly saying “quit crying you little pussy.” You might as well have taken a knife and stabbed me in the gut, because at that very moment a huge part of me died inside. I felt totally emasculated and worthless. I now realize that as a defensive action to avoid such pain in the future, I built up a protective wall around my soul, vowing to never let you hurt me like that again with your words.

Sadly, by numbing myself to your words, every nice thing you have ever said to me since that day has had no effect on me. Over time, my lack of trust for you and my own emotional numbness prevented me from going to you with things I should’ve been able to come to you about: being taunted by the other guys at school, having them spit on me in class, becoming the laughingstock of gym class, and being called pussy, queer, and fag on a pretty much daily basis. Further, it was really infuriating to me that you didn’t seem to even notice that something was drastically wrong with me and my life. As an example, you got two calls from school about my threat to commit suicide. Yet we never talked about it. Other examples: I slept every moment I possibly could, often 12+ hours per day, and I ballooned to 225 pounds using food to try to escape from my pathetic existence. Why didn’t you notice these cries for help? Or, if you did indeed notice them, why didn’t you communicate your concern to me? To be fair, you were always there for me by providing for my physical needs without any reservation whatsoever. However, you were completely unavailable emotionally! I needed that kind of support the most, and I found its absence to be exceedingly painful.

Ever since my teenage years I have hoped and prayed that I could carry these hurts to my grave and would not have to discuss them with you. However, I now realize I must tell you and at the same time forgive you for your shortcomings. By informing and forgiving you, it will free me to complete my own healing journey. I know that if I hold onto these hurts, the negativity inherent in harboring such resentments will continue to weigh me down and prevent me from moving on with a normal life.

Because I wasn’t able to connect with you or with male peers at school, it was much easier for me to connect with mom and with girls. When puberty hit, this desperate unmet need to connect with males led to an envy of other males. And, in turn, this envy became sexualized. The result of these unmet needs were set against my moral compass and in turn led to an internal conflict. I have been fighting a war within me to overcome homosexual feelings since adolescence.

I carried this burden all alone until just four months ago, when I found the courage to tell my therapist in Chicago what I was dealing with. He was not helpful as he encouraged me to come out as “gay” and to fully embrace homosexual fantasies and ultimately homosexual activity. To him, this is who I was. This advice was completely contrary to my values and everything I want out of life. Many teenagers and young adults with same-sex attractions similar to mine attempt to overcome their isolation and shame by connecting sexually with others of their own gender. I’m proud to say that, to the contrary, I have successfully resisted strong urges to have any kind of sexual relationship with other men. I’m still totally pure sexually, never so much as kissing another person as long as I’ve lived. Even though I know this news is shocking and disappointing, I hope you are proud of my resolve to maintain my purity.

The thing that I really resent, and need to forgive, is that you were the one person that could have prevented these problems from the get-go. If you helped me learn how to trust men rather than envy them, and if you were there for me emotionally, I believe I would not now be struggling with unwanted same-sex attractions. It was your job to recognize what was going on within me as your little seven year old boy, your duty to find out what was wrong with me, and to take steps to make it better. It was your job to build up my masculinity, to enable me to trust rather than distrust men and to find things we could do together that would affirm me in my manhood and bring us closer together. Without these efforts, the net effect was my envy of other men and my sexualizing of that envy. Your apparent delegation of hard stuff to Mom --such as telling me about sex, taking me to the doctor when I needed help to get me through mental illness, and moving me into my college dorm -- also contributed to my reduced sense of masculinity and lack of closeness to you.

Most of all and what was most distressing, however, was the environment you created --- an environment where it became absolutely impossible for me to seek your help to overcome my homosexual feelings. I’d like to remind you of some of the things you have said over the years:

1. As a young boy, I remember sitting in a restaurant with you and Graham. Mom was out of town on a business trip. You said to both of us, “if I ever find out either one of you is homosexual, I will put you out of the house.”

2. While watching male figure skaters on TV, you were laughing and mocking them, saying “I bet their dads are really proud to have them as sons.”

3. You expressed a personal conviction that frightened me: “Having a queer son would be more than I can bear.”

4. While helping you clean out filthy trash containers, you colorfully explained that you believe “the only things that are worse than maggots are faggots.”

Actually, I don’t remember once since adolescence being in the same room with you for more than an hour when you didn’t have a demeaning joke or say something nasty about homosexuals. Naturally, I took all of these things personally. In fact, every time you have ever said “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” I would add the phrase within my own mind, “Not if you knew about my problem.”

I know I am far from perfect, Dad, and that I have a lot of work to do. But I can proudly say that I have done the very best that I could with the life and circumstances the Lord gave me. I have worked hard, done well in school, earned a great job, and am self-sufficient financially. I’ve maintained my sexual purity throughout the darkest times of my life, even when it would have been so easy to give in—as our culture constantly preaches. I’m active in my church and doing the best I can to build authentic and healthy relationships with men—relationships I needed all along. I am breaking down the barrier of distrust toward other men, a distrust that began in early childhood when you flatly stated that I was a pussy for crying out of my intense pain and telling me that I should stop it.

One thing I must insist upon. I will no longer tolerate the innumerable demeaning and incessant jokes about homosexuals. These are men and women who are in pain, just like I am. The difference is that I have the courage to do the necessary work to overcome this emotional adaptation. However, making such comments hurts me as well. This “request” is simply non-negotiable. If you do not stop, we will be unable to have any sort of relationship. For me to continue my progress at overcoming these unwanted attractions while hearing cutting remarks from you about the condition I wish to change makes me feel like my hard work is being completely undermined. I cannot tolerate that.

I do want to say that despite your shortcomings, there are some things that you did exceptionally well, especially given your own upbringing and family circumstances. You were a great provider for my physical needs and I never went without in that sense. I am very grateful for that. However, the level of emotional abandonment I perceived while growing up, especially given my intense and prolonged ordeal with mental illness, has created a nightmare I have struggled for years to overcome. Thankfully, I have now found supportive people that have also sought out and achieved change of sexual orientation and have stabilized their own emotions in a healthy way. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I’d like to think that we can mend our relationship and that you could be a help to me in my journey toward becoming a new man. However, this choice is totally up to you and I am prepared to move on with my life in the direction of healing regardless of your decision.
Mom: I do not want to complete this letter without addressing you. First and foremost, I want to thank you for your sincerity and kindness in being there and trying to bridge the gaps that Dad did not fill. You did the best you could, but the fact is you were not and cannot be a substitute for the male guidance and support I needed and will continue to need as an adult. We are too enmeshed. What I need from you now is a clear separation and recognition that I am no longer a little boy. You can no longer protect me and fight my battles for me. I need these boundaries in our relationship so that I am able to grow into the fullness of my masculinity. I am a grown man now and am fully capable of taking care of myself with the help of God and other men in my community. While my love for you remains undiminished, we must create new boundaries, new ways of dealing with each other. This may look like, for example, long stretches of time when we will not talk. I need you to know that “no news is good news.” Please understand that I don’t love you any less than I ever have. My love for you is deep. However, I need some space to be a man to my full potential.


I hope I have been clear in expressing myself. I thank both of you for not speaking while I read this letter and I am now ready to discuss any of these issues with you.

With all my love,

Your son,

Stephen

Links National

Auch hier gilt: die Tatsache, dass jemand auf unserer Homepage genannt wird, heisst nicht zwangsweise, dass er auch Jason unterstützt. Wir denken nur, dass diese Links für unsere Klienten hilfreich sind und möchten die genannten Organisationen gerne unterstützen und unsererseits kostenlos Werbung für sie machen. Wer seinen Link entfernt haben möchte, sende uns ein kurzes Email oder setze sich mit uns in Verbindung und wir werden das sofort tun.




ONLY YOU setzt sich für eine Kultur der Liebe und des Lebens ein. Damit Liebe wieder eine Chance hat, muss die Sexualit?t die Wahrheit und Würde von Mann und Frau zum Ausdruck bringen. Wir wollen jungen Menschen helfen, sich für den befreienden Weg der Keuschheit zu entscheiden, um so ihre Sehnsucht nach Glück in Ehe und Familie zu verwirklichen. Wir wollen auf gesellschaftlicher Ebene die dafür notwendigen Voraussetzungen schaffen und so zu einer Erneuerung der Kultur beitragen.





Links:

Vatikan: Gravissimum Educationis - über die christliche Erziehung

 

Talk to your kids about sex | Jason Evert

Links International

On-Line Youth Forums

forums.livehope.org


Reach Truth - THE MAP

www.reachtruth.com


Becoming Real

www.becomingreal.org


Free To Be Me

www.freetobeme.com


My True Freedom

www.mytruefreedom.net


Find Out

www.findout.org


Regeneration Books

www.regenbooks.org


Teen Challenge
www.teenchallenge.com


New Hope for Troubled Youth

Truth For Troubled Youth Ministries



New Hope: Free Lay Counseling Online (for adults/teens)

www.breakawaymag.com

http://www.briomag.com/







http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/


Miriam Grossman, M.D., is a board certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist. She is the author of You're Teaching My Child What? A Physician Exposes the Lies of Sex Education and How They Harm Your Child and Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. Dr. Grossman writes and speaks to parents, students, educators, and health professionals internationally on the dangers of political correctness in her profession.



Facts about Youth (USA)

Focus on the Family

Adventures in Odyssey

Clubhouse

Clubhouse Jr.

Jelly Telly

World Challenge Inc. - Home of David Wilkerson Ministries

LoveFacts.org
 

 

Resources

Liebe wählt aus: Wie finde ich den richtigen Partner? Freundschaft und Sexualität - Zufall oder Entscheidung? Impulse für Jugendliche und junge Erwachsene (Taschenbuch)

von Wilma Lerchen (Autor)
Taschenbuch: 96 Seiten
Verlag: Schönstatt; Auflage: 1 (24. September 2009)
Sprache: Deutsch
ISBN-10: 3935396228
ISBN-13: 978-3935396226

 

You're Teaching My Child What?: A Physician Exposes the Lies of Sex Ed and How They Harm Your Child (Gebundene Ausgabe)
von Miriam Grossman (Autor)
Gebundene Ausgabe: 256 Seiten
Verlag: Regnery/Gateway (4. August 2009)
Sprache: Englisch
ISBN-10: 1596985542
ISBN-13: 978-1596985544 


Theology of the Body for Teens



NARTH: Mighty Waves: Helping Adolescents With SSA Concerns (DVD)


 

When Homosexuality Hits Home: What to Do When a Loved One Says They're Gay von Joe Dallas
Harvest House Publishers (15. Juli 2004)
Taschenbuch / Sprache Englisch

An Ounce of Prevention: Preventing the Homosexual Condition in Today's Youth von Don Schmierer
W Pub Group (Oktober 1998)
Taschenbuch / Sprache Englisch

A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality -- von Joseph Nicolosi, Linda Nicolosi -- Taschenbuch


Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops: Pastoral letter to young people with same-sex attraction (PDF)

The Christian Post

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Gender Ideology Harms Children


March 21, 2016 – a temporary statement with references. A full statement will be published in summer 2016.


The American College of Pediatricians urges educators and legislators to reject all policies that condition children to accept as normal a life of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex. Facts – not ideology – determine reality.


1. Human sexuality is an objective biological binary trait: “XY” and “XX” are genetic markers of health – not genetic markers of a disorder. The norm for human design is to be conceived either male or female. Human sexuality is binary by design with the obvious purpose being the reproduction and flourishing of our species. This principle is self-evident. The exceedingly rare disorders of sex development (DSDs), including but not limited to testicular feminization and congenital adrenal hyperplasia, are all medically identifiable deviations from the sexual binary norm, and are rightly recognized as disorders of human design. Individuals with DSDs do not constitute a third sex.1


2. No one is born with a gender. Everyone is born with a biological sex. Gender (an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female) is a sociological and psychological concept; not an objective biological one. No one is born with an awareness of themselves as male or female; this awareness develops over time and, like all developmental processes, may be derailed by a child’s subjective perceptions, relationships, and adverse experiences from infancy forward. People who identify as “feeling like the opposite sex” or “somewhere in between” do not comprise a third sex. They remain biological men or biological women.2,3,4


3. A person’s belief that he or she is something they are not is, at best, a sign of confused thinking. When an otherwise healthy biological boy believes he is a girl, or an otherwise healthy biological girl believes she is a boy, an objective psychological problem exists that lies in the mind not the body, and it should be treated as such. These children suffer from gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria (GD), formerly listed as Gender Identity Disorder (GID), is a recognized mental disorder in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-V).5 The psychodynamic and social learning theories of GD/GID have never been disproved.2,4,5


4. Puberty is not a disease and puberty-blocking hormones can be dangerous. Reversible or not, puberty- blocking hormones induce a state of disease – the absence of puberty – and inhibit growth and fertility in a previously biologically healthy child.6


5. According to the DSM-V, as many as 98% of gender confused boys and 88% of gender confused girls eventually accept their biological sex after naturally passing through puberty.5


6. Children who use puberty blockers to impersonate the opposite sex will require cross-sex hormones in late adolescence. Cross-sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) are associated with dangerous health risks including but not limited to high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke and cancer.7,8,9,10


7. Rates of suicide are twenty times greater among adults who use cross-sex hormones and undergo sex reassignment surgery, even in Sweden which is among the most LGBQT – affirming countries.11 What compassionate and reasonable person would condemn young children to this fate knowing that after puberty as many as 88% of girls and 98% of boys will eventually accept reality and achieve a state of mental and physical health?


8. Conditioning children into believing a lifetime of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex is normal and healthful is child abuse. Endorsing gender discordance as normal via public education and legal policies will confuse children and parents, leading more children to present to “gender clinics” where they will be given puberty-blocking drugs. This, in turn, virtually ensures that they will “choose” a lifetime of carcinogenic and otherwise toxic cross-sex hormones, and likely consider unnecessary surgical mutilation of their healthy body parts as young adults.


Michelle A. Cretella, M.D.

President of the American College of Pediatricians


Quentin Van Meter, M.D.

Vice President of the American College of Pediatricians

Pediatric Endocrinologist


Paul McHugh, M.D.

University Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Medical School and the former psychiatrist in chief at Johns Hopkins Hospital


References:


1. Consortium on the Management of Disorders of Sex Development, “Clinical Guidelines for the Management of Disorders of Sex Development in Childhood.” Intersex Society of North America, March 25, 2006. Accessed 3/20/16 from http://www.dsdguidelines.org/files/clinical.pdf.


2. Zucker, Kenneth J. and Bradley Susan J. “Gender Identity and Psychosexual Disorders.” FOCUS: The Journal of Lifelong Learning in Psychiatry. Vol. III, No. 4, Fall 2005 (598-617).


3. Whitehead, Neil W. “Is Transsexuality biologically determined?” Triple Helix (UK), Autumn 2000, p6-8. accessed 3/20/16 from http://www.mygenes.co.nz/transsexuality.htm; see also Whitehead, Neil W. “Twin Studies of Transsexuals [Reveals Discordance]” accessed 3/20/16 from http://www.mygenes.co.nz/transs_stats.htm.


4. Jeffreys, Sheila. Gender Hurts: A Feminist Analysis of the Politics of Transgenderism. Routledge, New York, 2014 (pp.1-35).


5. American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Arlington, VA, American Psychiatric Association, 2013 (451-459). See page 455 re: rates of persistence of gender dysphoria.


6. Hembree, WC, et al. Endocrine treatment of transsexual persons: an Endocrine Society clinical practice guideline. J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2009;94:3132-3154.


7. Olson-Kennedy, J and Forcier, M. “Overview of the management of gender nonconformity in children and adolescents.” UpToDate November 4, 2015. Accessed 3.20.16 from www.uptodate.com.


8. Moore, E., Wisniewski, & Dobs, A. “Endocrine treatment of transsexual people: A review of treatment regimens, outcomes, and adverse effects.” The Journal of Endocrinology & Metabolism, 2003; 88(9), pp3467-3473.


9. FDA Drug Safety Communication issued for Testosterone products accessed 3.20.16: http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/PostmarketDrugSafetyInformationforPatientsandProviders/ucm161874.htm.


10. World Health Organization Classification of Estrogen as a Class I Carcinogen: http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/ageing/cocs_hrt_statement.pdf.


11. Dhejne, C, et.al. “Long-Term Follow-Up of Transsexual Persons Undergoing Sex Reassignment Surgery: Cohort Study in Sweden.” PLoS ONE, 2011; 6(2). Affiliation: Department of Clinical Neuroscience, Division of Psychiatry, Karolinska Institutet, Stockholm, Sweden. Accessed 3.20.16 from http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0016885.


http://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/gender-ideology-harms-children?utm_source=email+marketing+Mailigen&utm_campaign=News+3.23.16&utm_medium=email


Douglas McIntyre: Safe Sex

Safe Schools, Safe Libraries Project

Pacific Justice Institute

Sign the petition: click here.

I THINK I AM GAY: A Parent's Response
Written By: Tim Geiger
(Posted Nov. 2012)

[This essay was written by Tim Geiger, a person formerly experiencing same-sex attraction (SSA), who serves as Director of the Harvest USA office in Pittsburgh. Tim's thoughtful article provides guidance to a parent about how to respond with grace and love to someone who declares, "I believe I am a homosexual." This essay initially appeared in the OnebyOne Newsletter in May, 2012; their Chairman, Rev. Jeff Winter, graciously gave JONAH permission to adapt it.]
I think I'm gay." Abraham's and Sarah's hearts stopped for an instant and everything around them seemed to stand still. It was like the shock of hearing that someone close to you has suddenly died. Now, as they hear these unexpected words from their oldest son, Mark, 20-years-old and home from college on spring break, Abe and Sarah wonder if this is also a death of another kind -death of their hopes and dreams for Mark and the death of their own desires for a "normal" life of family and grandchildren.
After the initial shock, all sorts of questions flooded their minds. Was this something they were responsible for? What will this mean for their two younger children? Will they be gay, too? Will Mark ever change? How will they deal with Mark's "friend" (though there was no "friend" at this point) if he wanted to spend the holidays with them? What would the other members of their congregation say? Worse yet - what would they think - about Mark and about them, as parents? They wanted to ask their son questions. They wanted to tell him they loved him. Yet all they felt they could do was try to process the information they already had, "I think I'm gay."
So what do you do when you hear those words...or find gay pornography on your child's computer or phone? How would you respond if you were the parents? How would you help a friend or someone in your congregation or community respond if they were in this situation? There are no easy answers, but there are a few strategies to keep in mind that may help you, your child, or the friends you are trying to help, through the difficult initial days or weeks of hearing this news and trying to understand it.
You don't need to know all the answers.
Don't feel as though you need to have all the answers, or even know all the questions to ask, right at the beginning. It's okay to tell your child after his or her initial disclosure, "This is a lot to think about and take in. I need some time to think over what you've said. I'd like to sit down with you to talk about this in more depth later - after I've had some time to calm down and reflect." Your child was in charge of the initial disclosure, and he has probably been thinking about what he would say on this day for many weeks, months or even years. So, you don't have to quickly respond. Don't be rushed. Go at your own speed.
Affirm your love for your child.
No matter what ultimately happens, no matter what you son or daughter says, feels or does, he or she is still your child. Express your love for her. Promise her that there's nothing that would ever cause you to withhold that love. This may be difficult to do, but the most important way that parents can help their child who has adopted a gay identity is to keep the lines of relationship open. Your child's behavior is not rebellion against you, although, if there is anger in her declaration, you will most likely be the prime recipient of that anger. Maintaining love and contact with your child is the best way to be faithful to God's commandments and to remain a presence in your child's life.
Ask your child what does he mean by saying he is gay.
Don't take for granted that your child's understanding of the terms he uses to describe himself is the same as yours. Ask your child how he came to this conclusion, how long he has been thinking about it, and how certain he feels it is true. Is he dealing solely with feelings or is he also dealing with behavior and/or identity issues?
You may find that your child isn't so much making a statement about his identity as it is his assessment of a situation in which he perceives himself as helpless. "I've been struggling with these feelings for years-and the only reasonable conclusion I can draw is that I must be gay." Saying you're gay and saying you've been wrestling with feelings you don't understand and don't want are two completely different things. This is an important point to clarify with him.
You don't need to know details about your child's sexual activity.
If your son or daughter is over 18, this information is often not helpful for a parent to know, and may serve only to separate parent (who may experience additional shock) from child (who may experience guilt and shame over revealing such personal details to her parent[s]). It is okay to ask general questions, "Are you in a relationship? With whom? Who else knows?"
If your child is under 18, then it is important to ascertain some level of detail about his or her behavior. "Is what you feel limited to fantasy and masturbation? Is pornography involved? Have you had sexual contact with anyone?" Keep in mind that asking these kinds of questions can be difficult for you, as a parent, to ask, and for your child to hear. Here it may be wise to enlist the services of a good counselor, one who can help you learn how to talk to your child on these sensitive matters, and who might better relate to your child. There are many counselors who are not only professionally trained in gender affirming processes but have had the added benefit of overcoming his/her own SSA issues. Don't be afraid to check around to find the right kind of counselor, one whose values and beliefs are consistent with yours as too many counselors have bought into the unfounded notion that homosexuality is innate and unchangeable.
Also in the case of a minor, it is important to assess the situation and determine if laws have been broken, and if your child is at risk from a predator, either in person or online. It is also essential to determine if sexual abuse has occurred and if so, to report this to law enforcement as quickly as possible. Talk to a counselor or rabbi or member of the clergy who is familiar with your state's laws about child sexual abuse to determine how to proceed.
Ask your child if he is content to be gay, or if he wants to change.
Some children will quickly state they're happy--and if your child does, you likely won't be able to convince him otherwise. Others, though, may report years of angst, guilt and shame over their feelings and behavior and will express either some desire to change or wonder if that is even possible. If so, enter into that struggle by sensitively talking to him, Again, it may be helpful to have your child talk with a qualified counselor who both affirms what the Bible says about holiness and sexuality and has the ability to relate well to youth.
You can't change your child.
You are not the one who is going to change your child. No matter how badly you might want to see change in your son's or daughter's life, no matter how much you pray, no matter how convincing your argument, you won't be able to convince your child to change if he or she is convinced this is "who they are."
Only through a transformation of his/her feelings, behavior, and identity will the change that is needed actually occur. God wants to do business with your child's heart - he/she has adopted or is struggling with a gay identity because, at some level, he/she has believed lies about God, self, and others. His/her perceptions have been colored---often by deep emotional wounds from childhood. He/she has come to believe what the world currently believes about life, sexuality, purpose, God, etc., instead of viewing life authentically through the lens of the Bible and commentaries.
On the other hand, what you can be is an agent of change in your child's life. Such change is likely to come about within the context of community - through your relationship with your son or daughter, or through his or her relationship with another mature, compassionate human being. Often, God can change your son's or daughter's heart but a human agent is likely necessary to give him/her the tools required to complete the change.
Your child doesn't need to become straight
What your child needs is what God calls everyone to, and that is a life of faith and repentance (teshuvah). Having heterosexual sex will not solve your child's problem. There is more to this issue than sexuality. The ethical opposite of homosexuality is not being straight - it is living by God's commandments in a lifestyle of faith and repentance. Godly sexuality is about holiness (Lev. 19:1); it is about living life according to God's design.

You can't do anything to control your child's struggle or repentance.You may have influence but no longer have "control." You can, however, respond to what the Lord is calling you to do in terms of your own faith, obedience and repentance in life as you struggle with these issues in your own family.
Bring others in.
No matter how strong your faith, you can't deal with this on your own. Isolation is a death-knell. Seek out trusted and spiritually mature friends, family members, congregation members and clergy to help you both interpret the events in your family from a biblical perspective and to help you respond in a holy and God-glorifying way in response to your child's decisions. God often ministers to His people through the context of community. Don't let your fears get in the way of faith. Consider helping others who are suffering or are in pain over sexuality issues within their family.
What about setting boundaries in my relationship with my child?
It may be appropriate to set some boundaries in your relationship with your child if she persists in her behaviors. Those boundaries will be unique for each family and will often change as needs and circumstances dictate. A ground rule for boundaries, however, is that they should exist to protect your family and to protect your child. Boundaries should never be punitive or manipulative.
How can I help my child?
Pray. Pray for wisdom, pray for faith, pray for strength to reflect the love of God to your child. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Make sure your child knows that he can always come to you. At the same time, give him space to make his own decisions. Respect those decisions, but don't necessarily agree with or condone them. Let your child realize the natural consequences of his behavior. If your child makes decisions to pursue self-destructive or otherwise sinful behavior, communicate the sinfulness of that decision and your disappointment - but never withhold your love.
Finding yourself in a situation where your son or daughter is struggling with unbelief and sin in particularly hurtful ways is truly difficult. Rest assured that God is there to comfort you and to provide you with the "chisuk" (strength) necessary to get you through this difficult time. He is at work in all things---especially the hard ones---for the good of those who live according to His purpose. He hasn't forgotten you. To the contrary, He is the only One capable of helping you to grow in faith and hope in the midst of a dark and difficult time. Believe that He can! He is there for you.

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Remember:

The only reason why people don't find freedom from same-sex attractions is because they don't believe it can be done!

HA: New Homepage!

Homosexuals Anonymous has a new homepage:

http://www.homosexuals-anonymous.com/

Joe Dallas

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Is Change Possible?

To make it very clear: Yes, the Jason ministry definitely believes that change is possible. We believe in God and His power to change our hearts and minds.

Matthew 19:26 King James Version (KJV):

"26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."

"Whoever says that a person with SSA cannot change does not know my God."

Pastor Paul

Oceania and Africa

Thanks to the outstanding service and commitment of Pastor Paul, we were able to expand our ministry in Oceania, Africa and Asia. For more information please click here.

Was ist das eigentlich, "Homosexualitaet"?

Kurz gesagt, die Tatsache, dass sich jemand überwiegend und über einen längeren Zeitraum hinweg in sexueller und/oder emotionaler Hinsicht zum eigenen Geschlecht hingezogen fühlt. Wir bevorzugen aber den Begriff "gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen". Zum einen ist der Begriff "Homosexualität" (als eigenständige Form der Sexualität) noch gar nicht so alt. In klinischer Hinsicht konzentriert er sich vor allem auf die sexuelle Anziehung, was jedoch zu kurz gegriffen ist, da man hier die emotionale Zuneigung außer Acht lässt. Zum anderen sind wir als Christen der Überzeugung, dass es nur eine Gott-gegebene Form der Sexualität gibt - und das ist die Heterosexualität. Ja, es gibt Menschen, die - aus welchen Gründen auch immer (und seien sie "genetisch") - gleichgeschlechtlich empfinden, wir sehen dies aber nicht als eine eigenständige Identität, sondern als Teil der Heterosexualität an. Dies bedeutet keine Abwertung von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen oder eine Minder-Bewertung unseres Empfindens - ganz im Gegenteil. Wir sehen uns als Teil von etwas, das größer ist als wir (Gottes heterosexuelle Schöpfung) und sind weder besser noch schlechter als andere Menschen noch sehen wir uns als etwas Besonderes an und blicken auch nicht auf die herab, die ihre gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen ausleben. Auch konzentriert sich unser Leben nicht auf unser sexuelles und/oder emotionales Empfinden, sondern auf den, dem wir nachfolgen und der uns eine teuer erkaufte Freiheit geschenkt hat, damit auch wir frei sein können: Jesus Christus.

Homosexuals Anonymous

Jason is affiliated to Homosexuals Anonymous:

www.homosexuals-anonymous.com

 

Dr. med. R. Febres Landauro

http://dr-richi.com/german/index.php/de/

Kontaktdaten

Ich freue mich auf Ihren Anruf oder Ihre E-mail. Sie brauchen keine Überweisung.

In Österreich erreichen Sie meine Ordination unter +43 662 84 53 25.

In Deutschland erreichen Sie die Praxis unter +49 8651 979 38 29.

Nonntaler Hauptstraße 1

A-5020 Salzburg

Douglas McIntyre, Co-Founder of HA

Joe Dallas on Pure Passion

What is Homosexuality?

Dr. Michael Brown

Hinweis fuer Priester und Ordensangehoerige sowie Mitarbeiter in pastoralen Diensten:

Sie dürfen sich jederzeit - auf Wunsch auch anonym - an uns wenden. Sämtliche Anfragen werden vertraulich behandelt.

Kontakt-Telefonnummer: 089-78018960

Kontakt-Email: [email protected]

Wir freuen uns auf Sie!


The 14 Steps

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.

2. We came to believe the love of God, who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.

3. We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, who is able to bring good out of trouble.

4. We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.

5. We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.

6. We learned to claim our true reality that as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.

7. We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.

8. As forgiven people free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility, and contempt for the world.

9. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.

10. We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.

11. We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.

12. We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.

13. We sought through confident praying, and the wisdom of Scripture for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.

14. Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to homosexual people with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.

While the Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship was inspired by the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, they are not really an adaptation. Rather, they were created specifically for this Fellowship, and should not be construed otherwise. AA, which is a program concerned only with recovery from alcoholism, and is not in any way affiliated with this Fellowship.

Homosexuals Anonymous

Homosexuality

Arthur Goldberg

Arthur Goldberg II

Arthur Goldberg III

Arthur Goldberg J.D. IV

New Homepage: Voices of Change!

Click here for more info.

If

If you were a Facebook member, and if you received a message to accept Jesus as your friend, would you?

If you received Him as a friend and you had the opportunity to say Like Him, would you share Him with your friends?

If He shared some awesome messages on Facebook with you, that could save lives, would you tell your other Facebook friends?

If Jesus asked you to tell your Facebook friends about Him, would you be to ashamed to do so?

If Jesus came to your door today, would you let Him in?

If Jesus walked into your door, would you let Him be your friend?

If Jesus shared a life altering message with you, that could save lives, would you tell your friends?

If you had the opportunity to tell others about Him, would you be too ashamed to do so?

If Jesus allows you a glimpse of Heaven, would He be ashamed of you?

If Jesus opened the door for you to see the Father, would He be your friend?

If Jesus asked the Father to be your friend, would He be ashamed of you?

André

www.thewordswithin.org

 

Homosexuals Anonymous

Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services

www.homosexuals-anonymous.com

USA

Homosexuals Anonymous is an international organization dedicated to serving the recovery needs of men and women who struggle with unwanted same sex attraction.

This fellowship of men and women, who through their common spiritual, intellectual and emotional experiences have chosen to help each other live in freedom from homosexuality.

Welcome to our website

If you are a person who struggles with unwanted same sex attraction, you are not alone Homosexuals Anonymous and many other related ministries, counselors and therapists provide valuable resources that can be of great use to you.

Remember always that while no one chooses to have same sex attraction, many do choose to diminish and eliminate those feelings of attraction. All people have the right to self determination, the right to choose for themselves the aspects that comprise their identity. Through HA, you will meet many people who see their identity as being rooted in their faith and not in their unwanted desires and behaviors.

If you are a parent, relative or friend of someone who struggles with unwanted same sex attraction, you can find helpful resources they will appreciate.

If you are a parent, friend or relative of someone who embraces and lives a gay lifestyle, you can find support, encouragement and hope in the material you will find available to you in website. If you are interested in online support groups or forming a local parents support group, please contact us and let us know how we can serve you.

If you are a minister, counselor or therapist looking for a support group and other resources to serve the needs of a counselee wanting freedom from homosexuality, then please read through our website. In your exploration you will learn who we are and how we can help you.

New Book by Dr. Douglas McIntyre!

Broken Chains: A journey of recovery from ssa, anger, addiction and child abuse

Dr. Douglas E. McIntyre (Author)

Paperback: 80 pages

Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 19, 2012)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1481265334

ISBN-13: 978-1481265331

Get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Chains-journey-recovery-addiction/dp/1481265334/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356982439&sr=1-1&keywords=broken+chains+douglas+mcintyre

Alliance Defending Freedom

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The Christian Post

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Radical | A book by David Platt

Radical | A book by David Platt

Radical | A book by David Platt

Seek Me!

Jeremiah 29:13

King James Version (KJV)

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

 

My King

Funny thing, if I remember correctly there once used to be a rabbi who did not have any business plan for church mega-growth. No publicity department. No homepage. No emails. No money. Even those He chose as followers were - theologically speaking - illiterates. A handful of dudes, and one even was a bum.

What was He thinking?

When He preached, He used words that drove people away from Him. He couldn't care less. He even asked the remaining rest if they wanted to leave, too. No political correctness here.

Again: What was He thinking?

He could have used other means. He could have been the kind of leader that people back then (and today?) were waiting for. The mighty warlord. The knight in shining armour. The one that kicks some .... and throws those Romans out.

Yes, He could have. He had all the power to do that - and more than that. And what did He do? He dealt with the lowest of the lowest and humbled Himself to their level. He loved people in a way unknown before. With a love that asked for nothing and gave everything. With a love that puts us to shame even today.

He did not fulfill people's expectations. He did not give them what they wanted. He gave them what they truly needed. And to do so, He gave His utmost: He sacrificed Himself and gave His life so we can live. He came down on earth to become man so men could become sons of God. Dying on the cross like a criminal, He even prayed for those who helped nailing Him up there.

And what's worst: He even asked everything of His disciples. They were told to give - no: to sacrifice! - everything they have. To sell all of their possessions, give their money to the poor and follow Him without even looking back. They were even told to give their own lives!

I guess He would still be sort of out of place in some of the churches today.

If I remember correctly, His name was Jesus.

Anybody by chance remember Him?

He is the ruler of my life. He is the one I love and follow.

He is my king.

My saviour.

Rob

theWord Bible Software

Wegweiser Gottesdienst

authenticmanhood.com

I Have Decided to Follow Jesus

"I have decided to follow Jesus. Though no one joins me, still I will follow."

Assam, north-east India, who held on to Jesus when being told to recounce his faith by the village chief. His wife was killed and Assam as well - while he was singing these words: "The cross before me, the world behind me." His strong faith kept on shining: The village chief and others in the village converted afterwards. (see: Wikipedia)

I AM SECOND

Freedom from SSA

Guys,

there are many professionals who are able to scientifically explain to you how to find freedom from same-sex attractions.

I am a simple man so I will try to tell you in simple terms.

Imagine a father who wants to teach his son how to ride a bike. He will not give him a lesson on the functioning of each single part, where it came from and what it is made of. Nor will he lecture on how the human body works and how the mind coordinates things. He loves his sonny and wants him to be able to ride that bike on his own.

Of course, he could let him continue to ride with additional wheels, but this is not what the father wants. Daddy knows that his son will likely fall a couple of times. There will be tears and some pain as well. But as a loving father he buys his son a bike and takes him out to teach him how to ride.

Now the son does not expect a big lesson or a manual to start with. Yes, he might be somewhat scared as he does not know what to expect and how to handle this bike without additional wheels that keep it stable. But he knows that he can fully trust his father. He loves his daddy more than anything - and daddy loves him. So he takes a courageous first step and lets daddy show him how to do it.

Daddy will fist be there all the time to hold his son while he rides. However, step by step he will let him run a little bit on his own.

Sonny will ride this first bits all shaky and insecure, but then again he trusts his daddy, so he manages to do it - sort of.

Sometimes he will fall and have his knee scratched. Tears will roll down his cheek, but daddy will hold him im his arms and encourage him to take another effort.

Day by day little sonny will drive a little longer all by himself, until he finally manages to ride that bike completely alone. Daddy will be so proud of his son and his son will come running into his arms, thanking his beloved daddy for keeping his promise to be there all the time when things were getting rough on him. Daddy told him that he will ride that bike and all his little son had to do is to trust him just enough that he goes for it.

Sometimes all that keeps us from succeeding is the lack of belief that it can be done.

Rob

Americans for Truth about Homosexuality

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Voice of Revolution

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Janelle Hallman

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