Jason

Christian Ex-Gay Ministry

Gay "Marriage"

I had a friend ask a question on another forum about how heterosexual and homosexual relationships differed psychologically This was my answer.
There is a difference in the heterosexual dynamic but there are similarities. When a heterosexual falls in love he is projecting his suppressed feminine side or what Jung called the animus onto his love object. The gay man is projecting his suppressed masculine side or anima. This is the first difference. The heterosexual is experiencing through his love object a hidden but minor part of his whole self. When the gay man experiences his own masculinity or anima as a projection on the other man he is experiencing a suppressed core part of himself. That is why gay love and gay sex is so intense compared to heterosexual love and sex and why so often it feels like a compulsion. That is also why the experience at the end of a couple of years when reality breaks through so often differs.
For the heterosexual man he may have had the experience he needed to sufficiently "meet" and incorporate this part of himself into himself. The civilizing impact of marriage on men is well documented. As they reunite with this feminine side of themselves they actually incorporate it into their consciousness and passion turns to compassion and this is reflected in a different set of bonding chemicals in the brain. Sexual attraction and attachment to a projection turns to bonding to a real separate person and real love. The relationship can become very close and sweet.

One of the reasons heterosexual marriage is in trouble is that men marry when they are not fully connected to their own masculinity. Most men in modern culture carry wounds from a lack of connection to their fathers meaning their sense of their masculinity is not fully developed. They go to the woman to affirm their masculinity which a woman cannot do. Being immature as men they miss the opportunity to connect to their animus.

When the gay man begins to see through to the other person, the gay relationship does not allow them to reattach in their conscious mind with their hidden masculinity or anima. Instead it makes them even more estranged from their masculinity. You see their anima is a core part of their personality. It is simply to big a part of them to be restored through an affair with a man. Otherwise a gay affair would turn them straight. The drive to reunite with it will not fade because of a few years of interacting with a projection of it. Only doing the kind of gender affirming work that we do in reparative therapy or other men's work will reunite a man with his own suppressed anima. I should mention that in a micro sense the process does work. Within a short time the man I projected on and who now has seen reality break through is no longer sexy to me. In regard to him I am for all practical purposes heterosexual. Many men with a history of acting out have experienced this with a single sex act. Immediately after you are done the person no longer is of any sexual interest to you. You may have experienced this with an image as well. Sometimes when the brain chemistry is right this can take a couple of years. With heterosexual couples the intensity of sexual attraction might fade but not the way it does in gay relationships. That is because they still carry complementary masculine and feminine personalities and bodies. For the gay couple once the projection is gone the sex if it remains at all will be one of convenience rather like consensual sex by heterosexuals in prison.

(Author: Don. Used with permission)

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