Jason

Christian Ex-Gay Ministry

Der Mentor

Der Mentor

Vorbilder

Was Jungs heutzutage fehlt, sind wirkliche Vorbilder. Männer, an denen sie sich orientieren können. Sei es zuhause (der eigene Vater), in den Medien oder in der Schule. Man ermutigt sie oft sogar, ihre "feminine" Seite zu zeigen. Androgyne Typen dienen meist als Vorbilder. Schwule Organisationen gehen an öffentliche Schulen und ermutigen die Jungs, sich als "gay" zu identifizieren oder es doch einfach mal auszuprobieren. Manchmal erzählt man ihnen sogar, die Angst vor dem ersten Geschlechtsverkehr mit einer Frau wäre weniger groß, wenn man es vorher einmal mit einem Mann ausprobiert hat. Wie sollen sich Jungs da noch zurecht finden? Wie sollen da jemals richtige Männer aus ihnen werden?

 



Was ist ein Mentor?

- Dein Papa kann dich nur bis zu einem bestimmten Punkt bringen. Ein Mentor ist ein Spezialist.
- Er unterstützt dich eher, als dass er mit dir konkurriert.
- Er ermutigt dich, deine Talente zu entwickeln, während er gleichzeitig versucht, dich vor folgeträchtigen Fehlern zu bewahren.
- Er bewundert und schätzt dich, da er was, was du wert bist und was in dir steckt.
- Er ist nicht so sehr ein enger Freund wie ein enger Vertrauter.



Was bringt ein Mentor mit?

- Weisheit durch Erfahrung
- Warnungen
- Einen Glauben an dich
- Lob für das, was du erreicht hast





Zehn Charakteristika eines guten Mentors

- Dieser Mann hat eindeutig, was du brauchst.
- Ihm liegt daran, an einer Beziehung mit dir zu arbeiten.
- Er ist bereit, dir eine Chance zu geben.
- Er wird von anderen Männern respektiert.
- Er weiß, wo er Hilfsmittel und Unterstützung bekommt.
- Andere fragen ihn um Rat.
- Er kann sowohl Reden als auch Zuhören.
- Er hat einen beständigen und konsequenten Lebensstil.
- Er kann dein wirkliches Bedürfnis erkennen.
- Ihm liegt an dir und deinen Interessen.








Was bringt die Mentor-Protégé-Beziehung?

- Sie schließt die Schleife im Lebenskreis eines Mannes.
- Sie verbindet ältere und jüngere Männer in einer symbiotischen Beziehung.
- Sie erlaubt es einem Mann, natürlich und aus seiner Erfahrung das zu lehren, was jüngere Männer verzweifelt brauchen.
- Sie gibt älteren Männern eine sinnvolle Aufgabe in ihrer zweiten Lebenshälfte.
- Sie gibt dem Leben eines älteren Mannes eine bisher vielleicht fehlende Befriedigung.
- Sie gibt einem jüngeren Mann Hoffnung, Weisheit, eine größere persönliche Vision und Ermutigung.



Wenn du selbst ein Mentor werden willst:

- Mache eine Liste deiner Stärken und Erfahrungen, mit denen du das Leben des jungen Mannes segnen willst.
- Entscheide, wie viel Zeit du übrig hast.
- Suche dir einen jungen Mann, mit dem du eine derartige Beziehung aufbauen willst und bete für ihn.
- Wenn du das Ganze startest, verbringe regelmäßig Zeit mit dem jungen Mann - bis er hat, was er braucht. Dann lasse ihn gehen.



Wenn du einen Mentor suchst oder keinen hast:

- Bete um Weisheit und Führung.
- Nimm' deinen ganzen Mut zusammen und frage einfach jemand.
- Sei nicht entmutigt, wenn derjenige ablehnt.
- Such dir eine Gruppe von anderen jungen Männern und bitte einen älteren Mann, euer Mentor zu sein.

(Material: Robert Lewis, Men's Fraternity. Für weitere Infos, klicke hier). Ebenso: Joe Dallas.








www.crossministry.org

Mentoring Men = Discipleship 

Occasionally I come across a well-written article that approaches same-sex
attractions from a psychological perspective.  While I do not agree with
the entirety of the following article, I believe it helpful in many ways. 
And while I believe psychology can help diagnose problems, I maintain that
the body of Christ remains God’s agent in healing people’s
hurts.  What follows is an article by Steven Donaldson on Mentorship.  In
a few places I have interjected my observations which are in CAPITAL
LETTERS and parentheses.

Mentorship of Men Who Struggle with Same Sex Attraction (SSA)
By Steven Donaldson, M.A., L.P.C.

Mentoring is a process in which an emotionally and spiritually mature man
befriends and walks beside a younger man who struggles with SSA. A mentor
is not a therapist and so does not need to have special knowledge of SSA.
He should not be in a position of ecclesiastical authority over the mentee.
He needs only to act as an adult father figure to an adult son. The purpose
of mentoring (JESUS CALLED THIS PROCESS “MAKING DISCIPLES”) is
to help in healing the father wound of the mentee's childhood.
 
These men inevitably suffer from some sort of injury in their relationship
with their father. Either the father did not achieve his own sense of
competence and strength in the world, or he rejected the son (covertly or
overtly) and failed to share his masculinity with him. (RESEARCH SUGGESTS
THAT SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS ARE MORE PREVALENT IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN
COMMUNITY THAN THE GENERAL POPULATION.  THIS IS BELIEVED TO BE DUE TO THE
LACK OF FATHER FIGURES IN THE HOME.  CONVERSELY, BILL GLASS SAYS HIS
RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS ARE LESS PREVALENT IN JEWISH
FAMILESTHAN THE GENERAL POPULATION AND HE BELIEVES THIS IS DUE TO THE
STRONG JEWISH EMPHASIS ON THE FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP.)  In either case
the boy did not form an intimate relationship with a strong and moral
father figure. Since young children never perceive their parents as flawed,
the young boy naturally assumes that the reason the father does not seek
him out and love him is that he, the child, is inadequate in some way. This
leaves him longing for affection and attention from his father (or father
figure), yet hurt and fearful of further rejection. For the boy who will
later develop SSA, there is a fear of men and sense of alienation from them
(Moberly, 1983, Nicolosi, 1991).
 
At a very early age, before choice is a factor, the child begins to protect
himself from rejection by defensively detaching from his father, who later
comes to represent all men (Moberly, 1983, Nicolosi, 1991). He tells
himself that he doesn't need his father's love or approval;that he doesn't
care about his father. At this point the child begins to develop an
identity in which he simultaneously rejects his own masculinity and longs
for the love, affection and approval of a strong and confident man. The boy
dis identifies with his father; he in essence says to himself, "My father
is bad, I don't want to be like him." This often leaves the boy with no one
to identify with outside of his mother.
 
Since parental systems function in unison, where the father vacates, the
mother overcompensates. (OVERCOMPENSATING SHOULD NOT BE INTERPRETED AS A
MOTHER’S BLUNDER.  PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS
HAVE GOTTEN A BAD RAP FROM THE CLINICAL SCIENCES AND THE CHRISTIAN
COMMUNITY ON THIS ISSUE.) Often, the marriage is compromised and the mother
devalues the father. If this happens, a bond is formed between mother and
son based on their shared rejection of the father. Since the boy has no one
else to depend on, hemust modify himself in anyway necessary to maintain
his relationship with his mother. This inevitably includes joining her in
devaluing (dis identifying with) the father (Bieber, et al., 1988,
Socarides, 1978).
 
His dis identification with men protects him from his fear of masculine
incompetence; in addition, it protects his bond with his mother. But the
sexual fantasy or behavior allows the struggler to have connection with a
man without the overwhelmingly frightening obligation to become a man. He
forfeits becoming fully male, which he fears he cannot achieve, in exchange
for having the love and approval of a man. He becomes sexually attracted to
the characteristics of other men that he feels he cannot achieve in
himself.
 
Healthy Development

In a healthy family setting, a boy naturally internalizes masculinity when
he is pursued and loved by his father, whom he perceives as strong and
good. It is the father's job to go into the maternal nest and literally
take his son away from the security of his mother. Boys are always
frightened and cling to their mothers, but this fear does not make them
mama's boys;  it is natural. When the father aggressively claims his son
as his own, the boy feels scared on the one hand and excited on the other.
He learns to use scary and noisy tools, he learns to ride his bike without
training wheels, he learns to catch a baseball, and he learns to dive into
deep water. Each triumph with father forms a powerful bond between the
father and son. (THERE IS A DISPROPORTIONATE OCCURANCE OF MALE
HOMOSEXUALITY COMPARED TO FEMALE HOMOSEXUALITY.  I.E. MANY MORE MEN HAVE
SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS THAN WOMEN – A FACT WHICH CAUSES ONE TO QUESTION
– “WHY?”  NICOLOSI HAS A FASCINATING THEORY.  ALL
CHILDREN ARE BORN OF A WOMAN. SONS AND DAUGHTERS GESTATE IN THEIR
MOTHER’S WOMB.  THEY HEAR HER VOICE AND AUTOMATICALLY IDENTIFY WITH
HER.  AFTER THEY ARE BORN, INFANTS CONTINUE TO BELIEVE THEY ARE ‘ONE
WITH THEIR MOTHER’.  AS THEY GROW, THEY REALIZE THEY ARE SEPARATE
INDIVIDUALS FROM THEIR MOTHER.  THIS, OF COURSE, IS GOOD FROM THE
DAUGHTER’S PERSPECTIVE—THE DAUGHTER AND MOTHER ARE BOTH
FEMALE.  HOWEVER, SONS HAVE AN ADDITIONAL HURDLE TO LEAP IN BECOMING A
MAN.  SONS MUST, AT SOME POINT, DIS-IDENTIFY WITH MOTHER AND IDENTIFY WITH
FATHER. IF THIS LEAP IS UNSUCCESSFUL, THE SON IS MORE PRONE TO CONTINUE
IDENTIFYING WITH HIS MOTHER – WHICH MAY LEAD TO SAME-SEX
ATTRACTIONS.  THE FAILURE TO MAKE THIS LEAP MAY BE BECAUSE (1) THE FATHER
DIES WHEN SON IS YOUNG, (2) THE FATHER’S WORK TAKES HIM FROM HOME A
GREAT DEAL, (3) THE SON’S DISPOSITION MAKES IT HARDER FOR HIM TO
IDENTIFY WITH HIS FATHER.  THERE ARE MANY MORE POTENTIAL FACTORS AND
COMBINATION OF FACTORS.)

(I, TIM WILKINS, HAVE A THEORY TO ESPOUSE HERE.  THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM
SAYS THAT ONE FACTOR IN DEVELOPMENT OF SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS IS THAT THE
CHILD DID NOT BOND APPROPRIATLY WITH THEIR SAME-SEX PARENT—I.E. SON
TO FATEHR AND DAUGHTER TO MOTHER.  I AM NOT SURE THAT IS THE CASE.  I
TEND TO BELIEVE THE FATHER IS THE “PIVOTAL PARENT”. 
HERE’S WHY!  GOD HAS CREATED US IN SUCH A WAY THAT THE FATHER
DETERMINES THE SEX OF THE CHILD.  THE FATHER PRODUCES BOTH MALE AND FEMALE
SPERM WHICH FERTILIZE THE MOTHER’S EGG.  THUS, THE FATHER IS THE
PARENT WHO DETERMINES THE CHILD’S GENDER.  OBVIOUSLY THE FATHER DOES
NOT CONSCIOULY DETERMINE THAT HE WILL MAKE A SON OR DAUGHTER.  WHICHEVER
SPERM FERTILIZES HIS WIFE’S EGG IS WHAT THE CHILD WILL BE.  IS THAT
BIOLOGICAL FACT AN ILLUSTRATION OF THE FATHER’S MAJOR ROLE IN
AFFIRMING HIS SON’S MASCULINITY AND HIS DAUGHTER’S
FEMININITY?  SPEAKING ANECDOTALLY, MY WIFE CAN TELL ANY OF OUR THREE GIRLS
THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND THE GIRLS LOVE IT.  WHEN I TELL ANY OF OUR GIRLS
THEY ARE BEAUFITUL, THEY APPEAR TO GLOW.  LISA AND I BOTH HAVE NOTICED
THIS AND WE DO REALIZE ONE COULD ARGUE THAT WE ARE SEEING WHAT WE
‘WANT’ TO SEE.)

The mentor serves to work toward healing this wound. But mentors must
understand that this wound will never be healed completely. Even a perfect
mentoring relationship will not make up for a lost childhood when an
affirming father would have made the real difference. (WE MUST REMEMBER
THAT WE LIVE ON THIS SIDE OF THE ‘FALL OF MAN”; SIN AND
BROKENESS ENTERED THE WOLRD IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN.  WE WILL NOT BE MADE
WHOLE UNTIL WE SEE CHRIST FACE TO FACE.)

The Characteristics of a Good Mentor

To be effective, a mentor must have several characteristics. No one can be
the perfect embodiment of these characteristics; nonetheless, the mentor
must be very strong in this set of characteristics. A good mentor must
demonstrate self confidence and good moral character. That is, he must have
achieved a sense of masculine competence of his own.
 
A good mentor must have strong gender identity. That is, he must feel good
about himself as a man. This does not mean being "super macho." Hyper
masculinity can actually be a sign of weak gender identification. Evidence
of sound gender security includes the lack of defensiveness or the need to
prove anything to anyone, and active participation in his masculine roles 
e.g., as father, husband, provider, and ecclesiastical leader, with male
friendships and participation in some typical male activities. In addition,
males with good gender identification relate respectfully and well to
women. Such a man respects and likes women, and it shows. In essence, he
should enjoy every aspect of being a man.
 
A good mentor will have good ego strength. What this means is that he does
not get his feelings hurt easily and has no problem setting limitswith his
mentee. (MEN WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS ARE OFTEN EASILY OFFENDED.  A
MENTOR’S COMMENT OR ACTION MAY HURT THE MENTEE—EVEN WHEN THE
COMMENT WAS TOTALLY INNOCUOUS.  WHY?  THE MAN WITH SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS
IS EXCEEDINGLY SENSITIVE.  THUS, HE MAY TAKE OFFENSE TO SOMETHING YOU
SAY.  THE MENTOR MUST BE ABLE TO DETECT WHEN A PERCEIVED OFFENSE HAS
OCCURRED AND APOLOGIZE.)  Mentoring can be very trying, and requires
tenacity for the long haul. (TO THOSE WHO MAY FIND THIS DISCONCERTING,
REMEMBER THAT JESUS DEVOTED THREE YEARS TO DISCIPLING HIS APOSTLES.) Same
sex attraction did not form overnight and even with highly motivated
clients, it will not go away overnight. Furthermore, the mentor's self
esteem cannot depend on the success of his mentee. He must remain positive,
loving, and encouraging no matter how badly his mentee fails.

Men who struggle with SSA can be at the same time emotionally needy and
defensively detached. This means they long for emotional contact with men,
but fear being hurt. At the first sign of abandonment they can become
defensive and even reactive which can easily be interpreted as
condescendence. The mentor can never take the defensiveness personally and
must be able to set limits on the emotional neediness. (I MENTORED A MAN
SOMETIME AGO WHO WAS VERY FEARFUL OF REJECTION—THOUGH HE HAD HID FROM
ME HIS FEAR.  HE HAD HELPED ME WITH SOME HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECTS AND WE
HAD DEVELOPED A GOOD FRIENDSHIP.  ONE DAY HE HAD LEFT A VOICE MESSAGE ON
MY MOBILE PHONE.  UNABLE TO RETURN THE CALL FOR LESS THAN A DAY, I
RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM HIM.  SHORT AND TO THE POINT HE WROTE “I AM
GOING TO REJECT YOU BEFORE YOU REJECT ME.”  I RECOGNIZED THAT HE HAD
INTERPRETED MY NOT RETURNING HIS CALL AS MY ‘REJECTING’ HIM. 
I IMMEDIATELY CALLED AND REASSURED HIM THAT WAS NOT THE CASE.  THIS IS
WHERE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS SO IMPORTANT.)
 
A good mentor must be emotionally available. He must be comfortable with
his own feelings and able to share these with the mentee. He must also be
comfortable with his own weaknesses, failures, embarrassments, and fears,
and be able to share these with the mentee during times when this type of
disclosure would be helpful. He must be able to hear the mentee talk about
his own fears, anger, feelings of inadequacy, and pain without becoming
anxious or needing to minimize or "fix" them. (WE CHRISTIANS OFTEN FEEL WE
MUST “FIX” PEOPLE – WHICH IS WHY MOST BELEIVERS SAY,
REGARDING HOMOSEXUALS, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR
DO.”  BEING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SAYING OR DOING.  THOSE WITH
SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS ARE NOT MACHINES THAT NEED FIXING; THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO
NEED LOVING.)
 
It is not the job of the mentor to know what the mentee should do, or to
fix his problems: this is very important. The mentor'sprimary job is to be
present over the long haul and to remain emotionally supportive.
(PRESENCE!  TO SIMPLY “BE THERE” IS BOTH REAL AND
REDEMPTIVE.)  The mentor is neither the mentee's moral authority nor his
therapist and does not need to take responsibility for him or direct him in
these ways. Men who struggle with SSA badly need both spiritual direction
and therapeutic help, but this is not the mentor's role.
 
The mentor must be emotionally available, but he in turn should not lean on
the mentee for his own emotional support. In this respect, the mentor
relationship ideally mirrors the relationship of a healthy father - son
dynamic, in which the father provides for the son, but the son does not
provide for the father. Fathers get their needs met in the adult world,
while children seek their emotional support from their parents.

Physical Affection
 
A good mentor must be physically affectionate. Manypeople believe that
being physically affectionate with men who struggle with SSA will
exacerbate their symptoms, but nothing could be further from the truth. Men
who struggle with SSA are afraid of male affection. It is precisely this
fear that makes male affection so intensely sexually interesting. As long
as the mentor has a strong gender identity, there is no chance of the
encounter becoming sexual. This is exactly the kind of safe situation in
which the mentee needs to experiment with allowing himself to genuinely
love and need nonsexual male affection. The deepest longing of the man who
struggles with SSA is not for sex; it is for love and affirmation. (OUR
THINKING IS COUNTERINTUITIVE.  FATHERS NEED TO GIVE THEIR INFANTS/CHILDREN
LOTS OF PHYSICAL AFFECTION.  A YOUNG FATHER ONCE ASKED RON TAFFEL,
“IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I HUG AND KISS MY TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD SON
GOODNIGHT?  I'M AFRAID IT WILL TURN HIM INTO A HOMOSEXUAL.”  THE
VERY OPPOSITE ISTRUE; FAILING OR REFUSING TO PROVIDE PHYSICAL AFFECTION MAY
DRIVE THE SON TOWARDS SAME-SEX ATTRACTIONS.  EVANGLEICALS HAVE OFTEN
GLOSSED OVER THE BIBLICAL ACCOUNTS OF LEGITIMATE AFFECTION BWETWEEN TWO MEN
OR TWO WOMEN.  DAVID AND JONATHAN’S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER WAS
DEMONSTRATIVE.  OTHERS INCLUDE RUTH AND NAOMI, PAUL AND TIMOTHY.  HAVE
YOU EVER HEARD A SERMON ON THE DISPLAY OF HEALTHY AFFECTION WHICH TOOK
PLACE BETWEEN JESUS AND JOHN THE APOSTLE DURING THE LORD’S SUPPER? 
JOHN’S NICKNAME WAS “THE BELOVED” FOR A REASON.)

Finally, the mentor is the one who must pursue the relationship. The mentee
at the core does not trust that the mentor could ever be genuinely
interested in him and, at the same time, not need something from him. This
is a continuation of the father child injury. For this reason, the mentee
will not (and should not) be the initiator in the relationship.
Developmentally it is the father's role to initiate and maintain the father
son relationship. (AND FROM A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE THIS IS ACCURATE.  WHEN
ADAM AND EVE SINNED IN THE GARDEN, GOD INITIATED A SEARCH AND RESCUE
MISSION TO FIND THEM CALLING OUT ‘WHERE ARE YOU?”  THE MIRACLE
OF THE INCARNATION IS THAT GOD LEFT HEAVEN’S SPLENDOR AND CAME DOWN
TO OUR LEVEL.)
 
In addition, when there is any confusion or conflict, the mentee is very
likely to assume that he did something wrong and to withdraw or devalue the
relationship. The mentor must remember that the withdrawal from, or
devaluing of, the relationship is a defense (usually unconscious) against
the intense need and longing for the love and affirmation of an idealized
male. The mentor must not take anything personally and continue to gently
but actively pursue the other man. (TO FAIL TO PURSUE IS TO UNKNOWINGLY
COMMUNICATE TO THE MENTEE “YOU DON’T MATTER TO ME.”  IF
WE MATTER TO GOD, THEN PEOPLE SHOULD MATTER TOUS.)
 
Suggested Activities

Men who struggle with SSA long for a non anxious connection with men.
Therefore the mentor needs to take the initiative in identifying activities
that will be fun for both, and yet not too anxiety provoking. He should
explore their shared interests such as art, music, theater, cars or sports,
with each introducing the other to things they individually enjoy. Over
time, the relationship will develop in a way that will allow the mentee to
take more risks without fearing embarrassment or humiliation. (IT IS A
MISTAKE FOR THE MENTOR TO THINK HE MUST IMMERSE THE STRUGGLER INTO
MALE-STEROTYPICAL ACTIVITIES.  RATHER THE MENTOR IS TO MEET THE MENTEE ON
THE MENTEE’S TURF SO TO SPEAK—JUST AS GOD MET US ON OUR TURF
THROUGH HIS SON JESUS CHRIST.  IF THE MENTEE LIKES THE SYMPHONY, GO WITH
HIM TO THE SYMPHONY.  IF THE MENTEE LIKES THE THEATER, GO WITH HIM TO THE
THEATER.  AS TIME PROGRESSES, ASK THE MENTEE TO GO WITH YOU TO A SPORTING
EVENT.  YOU ARE NOT ATTEMPTING TO SWITCH THE MENTEE’S INTERESTS FROM
THE ARTS TO SPORTS.  YOU ARE BUILDING TRUST, COMMRADERIE, AND FRIENDSHIP.)
 
Some men who struggle with SSA have so strongly defensively detached from
masculinity that almost any male typical activity will trigger a fear /
inadequacy response. In the beginning, even watching a basketball game
together may be stress provoking. Defensive detachment is rarely, however,
expressed as fear: the mentee will probably never say, "I'm afraid of
appearing stupid if I watch a game with you." He is much more likely to
express disinterest, saying, for example "I have never seen the point of
football. It is nothing but egotistical male aggression!" (YOU CAN TAKE THE
PREVIOUS STATEMENTS TO THE BANK.  FEAR AND INADEQUACY CAN BE ALMOST
DEBILITATING TO THE MENTEE.  AND THE MENTEE WILL, MANY TIMES, RESPOND IN A
CONDESCENDING TONE ABOUT THEBALLGAME OR NASCAR RACE.  RECOGNIZE THIS TONE
AS AN UNCONSCIOUS EXPRESSION OF FEAR AND BE SENSITIVE TO IT.)
 
The mentor must see through this defense and slowly encourage his mentee to
be a part of the world of men. This can only happen over time and when
trust is established. Clearly, it is not necessary for all men who struggle
with SSA to become NFL fans; they must, however, develop to the point that
they can attend a Super Bowl party or a church softball game without
feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and inadequacy.
 
Fear Can Trigger Sexual Acting Out

Learning to play team sports and be competitive at them is often a problem
for men who struggle with SSA. Although they should be encouraged to do so,
this should be approached with extreme caution. Mere encouragement in this
area can trigger significant fear, which leads to compulsions to act out
sexually.
 
It is typical for these men to gravitate towardindividual sports such as
track, swimming, diving, and ice skating to avoid being a member of a team.
They feel inadequate to perform in a situation where other men rely on them
in competition. (WHILE THE TYPICAL MAN PLAYS TO WIN, THE MAN WITH SAME-SEX
ATTRATIONS PLAYS FOR FUN AND COMPANIONSHIP.  MAKE THE GAME FUN.)  Even
minor failures in a team sport can be experienced as devastating inadequacy
and overwhelming humiliation. It may be wise to consult with the mentee's
therapist before approaching this issue.
 
It is important to include the mentee in family events when possible, since
many men who struggle with SSA come from dysfunctional families and so have
a distorted view of family life. (NOTICE THE WRITER OF THE ARTICLE SAYS
“MANY MEN” NOT “MOST” OR “ALL” MEN. 
PARENTS UNWITTINGLY DO MANY THINGS WRONG IN REARING THEIR CHILDREN AND THEY
DO MANY THINGS RIGHT.)
 
The mentor may want to encouragechurch based activities. This too must be
handled with caution, because in addition to feeling inadequate socially,
some men who struggle with SSA feel an overwhelming sense of moral guilt
about their sexual orientation. They may not feel like they "fit in" at
church either morally or socially. In some cases church attendance can
increase anxiety, which in turn can lead to increased sexual compulsion.
(WHICH GIVES US MORE REASON FOR OUR CHURCHES TO BE NURTURING.  YOU CAN
NEITHER LEAD A PERSON TO CHRIST NOR LOVE THEM WITH A CLENCHED FIST.)
 
A mentor should seek feedback, since mentees often know what they need.
Being open to the other man's suggestions can be trust building. If at any
point a mentor hurts or disappoints his mentee, a sincere apology without
excuses can be a powerfully healing event. It may be the mentee's first
experience of humility from an authority figure. (THE MENTOR’S
ABILITY TO APOLOGIZE FOR A GAFFE CAN EMPOWER THEMENTEE AND BUILD TRUST.)
 
A mentor should use their mentee's talents. Men who struggle with SSA are
often excellent decorators, florists, and gardeners, to mention only a few
areas (this is not merely a stereotype). The talents should be used,
praised and celebrated.  (CROSS MINISTRY HAS UTILIZED THE TALENTS AND
EXPERTISE OF MANY SUCH MEN—WITH COMPUTERS, GRAPHIC DESIGN, ETC.)
 
Well informed mentors should understand that they need to be the initiators
in the relationship; that their mentees can experience a fear / panic
response to childhood masculinity wounds; and that they may respond to
these wounds defensively. This type of understanding will aid the mentor in
maintaining a positive and encouraging role through the turbulent episodes
of this challenging relationship.  (YOU SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW HOW AFFIRMING
YOU CAN BE BY TAKING INTEREST IN SUCH AN INDIVIDUAL.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO
KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY ORPRETEND YOU DO.  AS THE SONG
SAYS “WHEN ANSWERS AREN’T ENOUGH, THERE IS JESUS.”)

Cross Ministry invites your thoughts on this article.  You can email them.

(A slightly different version of the article, without my observations, can
be found at http://www.narth.com/docs/donaldson.html)

Tim Wilkins, www.crossministry.org

 

Books

"As Iron Sharpens Iron: Building Character in a Mentoring Relationship" by Howard Hendricks

"Daily Disciplines for the Christian Man, Promise Keepers Study Guides" by Bob Beltz

"A Life of Integrity" by Howard Hendricks

 

(see also: Men of Integrity - Recommended Books)

 

Remember:

The only reason why people don't find freedom from same-sex attractions is because they don't believe it can be done!

JONAH

Our brothers and sisters from the Jewish ex-gay ministry JONAH face a ligitation at the moment. Infos on that and on how you can support them here: http://jason-online.webs.com/presse.htm


HA: New Homepage!

Homosexuals Anonymous has a new homepage:

http://www.homosexuals-anonymous.com/

Joe Dallas

Feed design by pfalzonline.de

Is Change Possible?

To make it very clear: Yes, the Jason ministry definitely believes that change is possible. We believe in God and His power to change our hearts and minds.

Matthew 19:26 King James Version (KJV):

"26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible."

"Whoever says that a person with SSA cannot change does not know my God."

Pastor Paul

Oceania and Africa

Thanks to the outstanding service and commitment of Pastor Paul, we were able to expand our ministry in Oceania, Africa and Asia. For more information please click here.

Was ist das eigentlich, "Homosexualitaet"?

Kurz gesagt, die Tatsache, dass sich jemand überwiegend und über einen längeren Zeitraum hinweg in sexueller und/oder emotionaler Hinsicht zum eigenen Geschlecht hingezogen fühlt. Wir bevorzugen aber den Begriff "gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen". Zum einen ist der Begriff "Homosexualität" (als eigenständige Form der Sexualität) noch gar nicht so alt. In klinischer Hinsicht konzentriert er sich vor allem auf die sexuelle Anziehung, was jedoch zu kurz gegriffen ist, da man hier die emotionale Zuneigung außer Acht lässt. Zum anderen sind wir als Christen der Überzeugung, dass es nur eine Gott-gegebene Form der Sexualität gibt - und das ist die Heterosexualität. Ja, es gibt Menschen, die - aus welchen Gründen auch immer (und seien sie "genetisch") - gleichgeschlechtlich empfinden, wir sehen dies aber nicht als eine eigenständige Identität, sondern als Teil der Heterosexualität an. Dies bedeutet keine Abwertung von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen oder eine Minder-Bewertung unseres Empfindens - ganz im Gegenteil. Wir sehen uns als Teil von etwas, das größer ist als wir (Gottes heterosexuelle Schöpfung) und sind weder besser noch schlechter als andere Menschen noch sehen wir uns als etwas Besonderes an und blicken auch nicht auf die herab, die ihre gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen ausleben. Auch konzentriert sich unser Leben nicht auf unser sexuelles und/oder emotionales Empfinden, sondern auf den, dem wir nachfolgen und der uns eine teuer erkaufte Freiheit geschenkt hat, damit auch wir frei sein können: Jesus Christus.

Dokumentation?

Homosexuals Anonymous

Jason is affiliated to Homosexuals Anonymous:

www.homosexuals-anonymous.com

 

Dr. med. R. Febres Landauro

http://dr-richi.com/german/index.php/de/

Kontaktdaten

Ich freue mich auf Ihren Anruf oder Ihre E-mail. Sie brauchen keine Überweisung.

In Österreich erreichen Sie meine Ordination unter +43 662 84 53 25.

In Deutschland erreichen Sie die Praxis unter +49 8651 979 38 29.

Nonntaler Hauptstraße 1

A-5020 Salzburg

Douglas McIntyre, Co-Founder of HA

Joe Dallas on Pure Passion

What is Homosexuality?

Dr. Michael Brown

Hinweis fuer Priester und Ordensangehoerige sowie Mitarbeiter in pastoralen Diensten:

Sie dürfen sich jederzeit - auf Wunsch auch anonym - an uns wenden. Sämtliche Anfragen werden vertraulich behandelt.

Kontakt-Telefonnummer: 089-78018960

Kontakt-Email: [email protected]

Wir freuen uns auf Sie!


The 14 Steps

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our homosexuality and that our emotional lives were unmanageable.

2. We came to believe the love of God, who forgave us and accepted us in spite of all that we are and have done.

3. We learned to see purpose in our suffering, that our failed lives were under God's control, who is able to bring good out of trouble.

4. We came to believe that God had already broken the power of homosexuality and that He could therefore restore our true personhood.

5. We came to perceive that we had accepted a lie about ourselves, an illusion that had trapped us in a false identity.

6. We learned to claim our true reality that as humankind, we are part of God's heterosexual creation and that God calls us to rediscover that identity in Him through Jesus Christ, as our faith perceives Him.

7. We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.

8. As forgiven people free from condemnation, we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, determined to root out fear, hidden hostility, and contempt for the world.

9. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs and humbly asked God to remove our defects of character.

10. We willingly made direct amends wherever wise and possible to all people we had harmed.

11. We determined to live no longer in fear of the world, believing that God's victorious control turns all that is against us into our favor, bringing advantage out of sorrow and order from disaster.

12. We determined to mature in our relationships with men and women, learning the meaning of a partnership of equals, seeking neither dominance over people nor servile dependency on them.

13. We sought through confident praying, and the wisdom of Scripture for an ongoing growth in our relationship with God and a humble acceptance of His guidance for our lives.

14. Having had a spiritual awakening, we tried to carry this message to homosexual people with a love that demands nothing and to practice these steps in all our lives' activities, as far as lies within us.

While the Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship was inspired by the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, they are not really an adaptation. Rather, they were created specifically for this Fellowship, and should not be construed otherwise. AA, which is a program concerned only with recovery from alcoholism, and is not in any way affiliated with this Fellowship.

Homosexuals Anonymous

Homosexuality

Courageous

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Acceptance Fellowship

Acceptance Fellowship has been created to be a haven where anyone can come to find growth and healing. The basic concepts of love expressed by God to his children on earth, in the person of Jesus Christ, were revealed by His ability to meet with any person and extend healing for any problem, spiritual, mental or physical. Without regard to social status, or past failures He touched all who came to Him. He saw every man for what he could become not what he appeared to be. He allowed time for growth and through gentle understanding. All who came to him, with a willing heart, were restored to the image of the Creator.

Counseling services (also skype and phone), step group support and seminar presentations.

Acceptance Fellowship is based in Houston, Texas. Executive director: Dr. Douglas E. McIntyre, co-founder and former leader of Homosexuals Anonymous.

Arthur Goldberg

Arthur Goldberg II

Arthur Goldberg III

Arthur Goldberg J.D. IV

New Homepage: Voices of Change!

Click here for more info.

If

If you were a Facebook member, and if you received a message to accept Jesus as your friend, would you?

If you received Him as a friend and you had the opportunity to say Like Him, would you share Him with your friends?

If He shared some awesome messages on Facebook with you, that could save lives, would you tell your other Facebook friends?

If Jesus asked you to tell your Facebook friends about Him, would you be to ashamed to do so?

If Jesus came to your door today, would you let Him in?

If Jesus walked into your door, would you let Him be your friend?

If Jesus shared a life altering message with you, that could save lives, would you tell your friends?

If you had the opportunity to tell others about Him, would you be too ashamed to do so?

If Jesus allows you a glimpse of Heaven, would He be ashamed of you?

If Jesus opened the door for you to see the Father, would He be your friend?

If Jesus asked the Father to be your friend, would He be ashamed of you?

André

www.thewordswithin.org

 

kath.net

KATH.NET NEWS

CNA

The Jerusalem Post

Universalis

Homosexuals Anonymous

Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services

www.homosexuals-anonymous.com

USA

Homosexuals Anonymous is an international organization dedicated to serving the recovery needs of men and women who struggle with unwanted same sex attraction.

This fellowship of men and women, who through their common spiritual, intellectual and emotional experiences have chosen to help each other live in freedom from homosexuality.

Welcome to our website

If you are a person who struggles with unwanted same sex attraction, you are not alone Homosexuals Anonymous and many other related ministries, counselors and therapists provide valuable resources that can be of great use to you.

Remember always that while no one chooses to have same sex attraction, many do choose to diminish and eliminate those feelings of attraction. All people have the right to self determination, the right to choose for themselves the aspects that comprise their identity. Through HA, you will meet many people who see their identity as being rooted in their faith and not in their unwanted desires and behaviors.

If you are a parent, relative or friend of someone who struggles with unwanted same sex attraction, you can find helpful resources they will appreciate.

If you are a parent, friend or relative of someone who embraces and lives a gay lifestyle, you can find support, encouragement and hope in the material you will find available to you in website. If you are interested in online support groups or forming a local parents support group, please contact us and let us know how we can serve you.

If you are a minister, counselor or therapist looking for a support group and other resources to serve the needs of a counselee wanting freedom from homosexuality, then please read through our website. In your exploration you will learn who we are and how we can help you.

NARTH

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New Book by Dr. Douglas McIntyre!

Broken Chains: A journey of recovery from ssa, anger, addiction and child abuse

Dr. Douglas E. McIntyre (Author)

Paperback: 80 pages

Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 19, 2012)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1481265334

ISBN-13: 978-1481265331

Get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Chains-journey-recovery-addiction/dp/1481265334/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1356982439&sr=1-1&keywords=broken+chains+douglas+mcintyre

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The Radical Experiment

Radical | A book by David Platt

Radical Together

Radical | A book by David Platt

Radical

Radical | A book by David Platt

www.onewiththem.com

Seek Me!

Jeremiah 29:13

King James Version (KJV)

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

 

Marriage

The Christian Post

My King

Funny thing, if I remember correctly there once used to be a rabbi who did not have any business plan for church mega-growth. No publicity department. No homepage. No emails. No money. Even those He chose as followers were - theologically speaking - illiterates. A handful of dudes, and one even was a bum.

What was He thinking?

When He preached, He used words that drove people away from Him. He couldn't care less. He even asked the remaining rest if they wanted to leave, too. No political correctness here.

Again: What was He thinking?

He could have used other means. He could have been the kind of leader that people back then (and today?) were waiting for. The mighty warlord. The knight in shining armour. The one that kicks some .... and throws those Romans out.

Yes, He could have. He had all the power to do that - and more than that. And what did He do? He dealt with the lowest of the lowest and humbled Himself to their level. He loved people in a way unknown before. With a love that asked for nothing and gave everything. With a love that puts us to shame even today.

He did not fulfill people's expectations. He did not give them what they wanted. He gave them what they truly needed. And to do so, He gave His utmost: He sacrificed Himself and gave His life so we can live. He came down on earth to become man so men could become sons of God. Dying on the cross like a criminal, He even prayed for those who helped nailing Him up there.

And what's worst: He even asked everything of His disciples. They were told to give - no: to sacrifice! - everything they have. To sell all of their possessions, give their money to the poor and follow Him without even looking back. They were even told to give their own lives!

I guess He would still be sort of out of place in some of the churches today.

If I remember correctly, His name was Jesus.

Anybody by chance remember Him?

He is the ruler of my life. He is the one I love and follow.

He is my king.

My saviour.

Rob

XXX.CHURCH.COM

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NAVPRESS

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Bible Software

theWord Bible Software

Write to Congress!

2016

Gottesdienst

Wegweiser Gottesdienst

authenticmanhood.com

Open Doors: World Watch List 2012

I Have Decided to Follow Jesus

"I have decided to follow Jesus. Though no one joins me, still I will follow."

Assam, north-east India, who held on to Jesus when being told to recounce his faith by the village chief. His wife was killed and Assam as well - while he was singing these words: "The cross before me, the world behind me." His strong faith kept on shining: The village chief and others in the village converted afterwards. (see: Wikipedia)

I AM SECOND

Olive Tree Ministries

Restored Hope Network

Freedom from SSA

Guys,

there are many professionals who are able to scientifically explain to you how to find freedom from same-sex attractions.

I am a simple man so I will try to tell you in simple terms.

Imagine a father who wants to teach his son how to ride a bike. He will not give him a lesson on the functioning of each single part, where it came from and what it is made of. Nor will he lecture on how the human body works and how the mind coordinates things. He loves his sonny and wants him to be able to ride that bike on his own.

Of course, he could let him continue to ride with additional wheels, but this is not what the father wants. Daddy knows that his son will likely fall a couple of times. There will be tears and some pain as well. But as a loving father he buys his son a bike and takes him out to teach him how to ride.

Now the son does not expect a big lesson or a manual to start with. Yes, he might be somewhat scared as he does not know what to expect and how to handle this bike without additional wheels that keep it stable. But he knows that he can fully trust his father. He loves his daddy more than anything - and daddy loves him. So he takes a courageous first step and lets daddy show him how to do it.

Daddy will fist be there all the time to hold his son while he rides. However, step by step he will let him run a little bit on his own.

Sonny will ride this first bits all shaky and insecure, but then again he trusts his daddy, so he manages to do it - sort of.

Sometimes he will fall and have his knee scratched. Tears will roll down his cheek, but daddy will hold him im his arms and encourage him to take another effort.

Day by day little sonny will drive a little longer all by himself, until he finally manages to ride that bike completely alone. Daddy will be so proud of his son and his son will come running into his arms, thanking his beloved daddy for keeping his promise to be there all the time when things were getting rough on him. Daddy told him that he will ride that bike and all his little son had to do is to trust him just enough that he goes for it.

Sometimes all that keeps us from succeeding is the lack of belief that it can be done.

Rob

domradio.de

idea.de

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Americans for Truth about Homosexuality

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Unconditional

Fight to Win!

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Robert on Twitter

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